Dear Victorious,
I am engaged to be married to a man who is 22 years older than I am. My parents are having a fit and refuse to pay for the wedding. My father says he won't even attend! What do I do? How can I get my parents to realize it's true love and support my decision?
Vivian C. - Landover, MD
Dear Vivian,
You can't force your parents to change their beliefs. Apparently, they believe one of two things. First, they might believe that what you have is not true love ... and that you're marrying this man for other reasons. Second, they might believe that marriage with such an age difference is somehow immoral (or otherwise wrong).
If you are of legal age to make such decisions, then you don't need your parents support to make this decision. On the other hand, if you want their support, then you have to consider how to reconcile their beliefs with yours. Perhaps more time is needed? Perhaps more exposure to your fiance is needed?
Biblically there isn't any thing with marrying someone considerably older than you are. But from a practical perspective, there are several implications that need to be considered. Raising children, retirement, declining health and early widowhood would be among those. Is it possible that your parents don't want to see you facing such issues --- and that their objection is because of their love for you? If so, you'll have to tell them that you've maturely considered these possibilities and believe that the love and happiness you have with this man are worth it. Of course, then they'll have to decide if they believe you --- or at least believe that you're mature enough to make such a decision.
Finally, let me say that while you may be mature enough to make the decision and have every right to make it, you may want to spend more time listening to and discussing it with your parents --- instead of just trying to convince them to see things your way. Let's face it, your parents are probably the wisest, most mature people you know. There is probably at least some value in your deferring to their judgment at times. And this could be one of those times. Are you willing to consider that possibility?
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Ministry Calling
Dear Victorious,
I've been a Christian for several years now and am active in my church. Lately I've had the sense that God may be calling me to full-time ministry. Leaving my job and working in ministry is an intimidating proposition though. How can I be sure that's what God wants me to do?
Tara B. - Virginia Beach, VA
Dear Tara,
People become involved in ministry for a variety of reasons. Not all of them are good and pure. Not all of them are of God. And not all of them are obvious. How do you serve in your church today? Why do you serve in your church today? What evidence do you find that God wants to make this your profession? Feelings aren't enough; there must be hard evidence. Who else that knows you and is spiritually mature will affirm this evidence?
I believe there are a lot of people in ministry as a profession who shouldn't be. Conversely, there are a lot of people who should be in ministry who aren't. The key is what criteria both groups are using to make the decision.
Continue to engage in lay ministry as much as possible ... and wait for God to open the doors to make that more of a profession. One of my favorite authors once said that a man (or woman) shouldn't go into ministry as a profession unless they can find no peace doing anything else. I think that is sage advice.
I've been a Christian for several years now and am active in my church. Lately I've had the sense that God may be calling me to full-time ministry. Leaving my job and working in ministry is an intimidating proposition though. How can I be sure that's what God wants me to do?
Tara B. - Virginia Beach, VA
Dear Tara,
People become involved in ministry for a variety of reasons. Not all of them are good and pure. Not all of them are of God. And not all of them are obvious. How do you serve in your church today? Why do you serve in your church today? What evidence do you find that God wants to make this your profession? Feelings aren't enough; there must be hard evidence. Who else that knows you and is spiritually mature will affirm this evidence?
I believe there are a lot of people in ministry as a profession who shouldn't be. Conversely, there are a lot of people who should be in ministry who aren't. The key is what criteria both groups are using to make the decision.
Continue to engage in lay ministry as much as possible ... and wait for God to open the doors to make that more of a profession. One of my favorite authors once said that a man (or woman) shouldn't go into ministry as a profession unless they can find no peace doing anything else. I think that is sage advice.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Resolutions?
Dear Victorious,
I want to make New Year's resolutions that are meaningful and realistic. In other words, I want to do something that matters and I want to do it well. Does the Bible give me any clues as to how to identify the best resolutions to make for a New Year? Is there such a thing as New Year's resolutions that are Biblical?
Von D. - Anaheim, CA
Dear Von,
Well, there is a problem with New Year's resolutions. It is that they are focused on what I can do. Yet God's Word says there is absolutely nothing that I can do except that which the Father empowers me to do. Jesus said, "Apart from the Father I can do nothing." So any New Year's resolution I might want to make is going to need God's blessing ... or it is doomed to fail.
If you are looking for Biblical direction on making New Year's resolutions I would start with Matthew 22:36-40, where we are told to love God first and foremost, and then to love others as we would want to be loved ourselves. (Notice that it doesn't say to love yourself.)
God tells us in the Bible that we are consistently to seek Him first (Matthew 6:33). Quite frankly, I don't see very many people who are succeeding at that. If there were one resolution I would want to make for the New Year, it would be to truly seek Him first. Knowing God, hearing God, obeying God, worshipping God and following His will for me would become my greatest priority.
The good news is that seeking Him first is a New Year's resolution that the Holy Spirit will be happy to help you with!
I want to make New Year's resolutions that are meaningful and realistic. In other words, I want to do something that matters and I want to do it well. Does the Bible give me any clues as to how to identify the best resolutions to make for a New Year? Is there such a thing as New Year's resolutions that are Biblical?
Von D. - Anaheim, CA
Dear Von,
Well, there is a problem with New Year's resolutions. It is that they are focused on what I can do. Yet God's Word says there is absolutely nothing that I can do except that which the Father empowers me to do. Jesus said, "Apart from the Father I can do nothing." So any New Year's resolution I might want to make is going to need God's blessing ... or it is doomed to fail.
If you are looking for Biblical direction on making New Year's resolutions I would start with Matthew 22:36-40, where we are told to love God first and foremost, and then to love others as we would want to be loved ourselves. (Notice that it doesn't say to love yourself.)
God tells us in the Bible that we are consistently to seek Him first (Matthew 6:33). Quite frankly, I don't see very many people who are succeeding at that. If there were one resolution I would want to make for the New Year, it would be to truly seek Him first. Knowing God, hearing God, obeying God, worshipping God and following His will for me would become my greatest priority.
The good news is that seeking Him first is a New Year's resolution that the Holy Spirit will be happy to help you with!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Man Love
Dear Victorious,
Is it possible for one man to love another without being gay? My brother-in-law insists that men cannot truly love each other, because we were created to love women. I say that sexuality and love are two different things. Whose right here?
Norman P. - Tacoma, WA
Dear Norman,
You are. God-honoring expressions of our sexuality are the celebration of a committed relationship between a man and a woman. They are not the defining elements of true love. Similarly, true love outside of a committed relationship between a man and a woman are not defined by sexual expression.
It is possible ... and quite honoring of God, for men's hearts to be connected. God created men (and women) for spiritual and emotional intimacy. So to build those spiritual and emotional bonds with other men honors God and helps us live our purpose.
Ideally, healthy male-to-male relationships would start between a father and a son, or between brothers. But family ties aren't a requirement. Men can build intimate relationships with one another when they both are focused on Christ and He brings them together in Christian love.
Is it possible for one man to love another without being gay? My brother-in-law insists that men cannot truly love each other, because we were created to love women. I say that sexuality and love are two different things. Whose right here?
Norman P. - Tacoma, WA
Dear Norman,
You are. God-honoring expressions of our sexuality are the celebration of a committed relationship between a man and a woman. They are not the defining elements of true love. Similarly, true love outside of a committed relationship between a man and a woman are not defined by sexual expression.
It is possible ... and quite honoring of God, for men's hearts to be connected. God created men (and women) for spiritual and emotional intimacy. So to build those spiritual and emotional bonds with other men honors God and helps us live our purpose.
Ideally, healthy male-to-male relationships would start between a father and a son, or between brothers. But family ties aren't a requirement. Men can build intimate relationships with one another when they both are focused on Christ and He brings them together in Christian love.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Marriage Threats
Dear Victorious,
Okay, you answered my question about what makes marriages work. (Thank you for that.) Now tell me, what is the greatest threat to a marriage?
Dawn S. - Waterloo, IA
Dear Dawn,
I believe selfishness and self-centeredness are probably the greatest threats to a marriage. The Bible says that husbands and wives are to become one. When marriages are in trouble, we frequently see them behaving otherwise. When the focus is on my needs, my wants, my hurts, what offends me, what I deserve, etc. --- then there is little or no focus on us or even you.
Marriage is never all about me. But people marry with certain expectations about the benefits and rewards of marriage. Those are usually pretty self-centered and often not very realistic. Rarely do marrying couples spend time examining and considering the responsibilities of marriage --- like sacrifice and compromise.
If people spent as much time planning their marriage as they do planning their wedding, marriages might be more successful overall.
Okay, you answered my question about what makes marriages work. (Thank you for that.) Now tell me, what is the greatest threat to a marriage?
Dawn S. - Waterloo, IA
Dear Dawn,
I believe selfishness and self-centeredness are probably the greatest threats to a marriage. The Bible says that husbands and wives are to become one. When marriages are in trouble, we frequently see them behaving otherwise. When the focus is on my needs, my wants, my hurts, what offends me, what I deserve, etc. --- then there is little or no focus on us or even you.
Marriage is never all about me. But people marry with certain expectations about the benefits and rewards of marriage. Those are usually pretty self-centered and often not very realistic. Rarely do marrying couples spend time examining and considering the responsibilities of marriage --- like sacrifice and compromise.
If people spent as much time planning their marriage as they do planning their wedding, marriages might be more successful overall.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Good Marriage
Dear Victorious,
What is the secret to a good marriage?
Dawn S. - Waterloo, IA
Dear Dawn,
It's not a secret really. It's just not obvious, and it's just not what most people would think. What makes a marriage work is two hearts that are both surrendered. Whom do they surrender to? Jesus Christ is first and foremost. Two hearts that are surrendered to Christ will undoubtedly have advantages at working through differences and handling life's challenges.
Secondly, they also must be surrendered to each other. God's Word says we are to "submit ourselves to one another." Mutual submission is a sign of love and respect toward God and toward each other. And when my heart is surrendered to my spouse, my commitment to the greater good (of the two of us) is inherently stronger than my commitment to myself.
What is the secret to a good marriage?
Dawn S. - Waterloo, IA
Dear Dawn,
It's not a secret really. It's just not obvious, and it's just not what most people would think. What makes a marriage work is two hearts that are both surrendered. Whom do they surrender to? Jesus Christ is first and foremost. Two hearts that are surrendered to Christ will undoubtedly have advantages at working through differences and handling life's challenges.
Secondly, they also must be surrendered to each other. God's Word says we are to "submit ourselves to one another." Mutual submission is a sign of love and respect toward God and toward each other. And when my heart is surrendered to my spouse, my commitment to the greater good (of the two of us) is inherently stronger than my commitment to myself.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Santa Claus
Dear Victorious,
What do you think about Christians keeping the tradition of Santa Claus? Isn't it just lying to children and setting them up for disappointment later in life?
Nardel W. - Gahanna, OH
Dear Nardel,
Well what I think and what is the truth are probably not totally in line. Let me confess that before I answer. I was raised with Santa Claus by my parents and allowed the tradition to be extended to my own children. I am not proud of this.
Getting children to buy into the whole Santa Claus thing is insincere at best. At its worst, it starts the kids out with a very warped sense of what Christmas is all about. Christ truly is the reason for the season. If we're going to do a God-honoring job of celebrating Christmas, there is absolutely no room whatsoever for Santa Claus.
I'm sure even the Christians will argue that believing in Santa Claus is harmless. I'll challenge that assumption and call it a justification to excuse our sin. No child who believe in Santa Claus can have any real grasp of God's gift in the long-awaited Messiah.
If I had it to do over, I would not be ignorant about this --- and I would not deceive my children with the Santa Claus myth.
What do you think about Christians keeping the tradition of Santa Claus? Isn't it just lying to children and setting them up for disappointment later in life?
Nardel W. - Gahanna, OH
Dear Nardel,
Well what I think and what is the truth are probably not totally in line. Let me confess that before I answer. I was raised with Santa Claus by my parents and allowed the tradition to be extended to my own children. I am not proud of this.
Getting children to buy into the whole Santa Claus thing is insincere at best. At its worst, it starts the kids out with a very warped sense of what Christmas is all about. Christ truly is the reason for the season. If we're going to do a God-honoring job of celebrating Christmas, there is absolutely no room whatsoever for Santa Claus.
I'm sure even the Christians will argue that believing in Santa Claus is harmless. I'll challenge that assumption and call it a justification to excuse our sin. No child who believe in Santa Claus can have any real grasp of God's gift in the long-awaited Messiah.
If I had it to do over, I would not be ignorant about this --- and I would not deceive my children with the Santa Claus myth.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christian Astrology?
Dear Victorious,
I was recently on the Facebook page of a popular politician in state who professes to be a born-again Christian. But I was surprised to find references to his zodiac sign there. I thought astrology was off-limits for Christians. Just what is astrology and where does it fit in Christianity?
Mamie S. - Lucas, TX
Dear Mamie,
Astrology is the alleged interpretation of an assumed influence the stars and planets exert on human destiny. This is a false belief. In Christian terms, it's heresy.
The Bible strictly forbids astrology as a form of divination (Deuteronomy 18:10-14). God specifies that astrologers are among those who will be destroyed in His judgment (Isaiah 47:13-14). In the Old Testament, God forbade the Israelites to worship or serve the "host of heaven" (Deuteronomy 4:19). But several times in their history the Israelites did it anyway. (2 Kings 17:16 is one example.) The worship of the stars - or believing that the stars had any power over their destiny - brought God's judgment upon the Israelites each time.
We can use the stars to awaken our wonder and marvel at God's power, wisdom and infinite qualities. We can use them to help us keep track of time and place - or even to remind us of God's faithful nature. But our wisdom comes from God ... not the stars (James 1:5). The Word of God, the Bible, is our guide through life (Psalm 119:105).
I don't usually quote so much Scripture, but you've asked about a subject that our society seems to take quite for granted. This is odd given how clearly the Bible forbids it.
So here's the deal. Anyone who calls himself (or herself) a born-again Christian but continues to engage in astrology is either lying about who they are --- or they're ignorant about who God is. It is as simple as that.
I was recently on the Facebook page of a popular politician in state who professes to be a born-again Christian. But I was surprised to find references to his zodiac sign there. I thought astrology was off-limits for Christians. Just what is astrology and where does it fit in Christianity?
Mamie S. - Lucas, TX
Dear Mamie,
Astrology is the alleged interpretation of an assumed influence the stars and planets exert on human destiny. This is a false belief. In Christian terms, it's heresy.
The Bible strictly forbids astrology as a form of divination (Deuteronomy 18:10-14). God specifies that astrologers are among those who will be destroyed in His judgment (Isaiah 47:13-14). In the Old Testament, God forbade the Israelites to worship or serve the "host of heaven" (Deuteronomy 4:19). But several times in their history the Israelites did it anyway. (2 Kings 17:16 is one example.) The worship of the stars - or believing that the stars had any power over their destiny - brought God's judgment upon the Israelites each time.
We can use the stars to awaken our wonder and marvel at God's power, wisdom and infinite qualities. We can use them to help us keep track of time and place - or even to remind us of God's faithful nature. But our wisdom comes from God ... not the stars (James 1:5). The Word of God, the Bible, is our guide through life (Psalm 119:105).
I don't usually quote so much Scripture, but you've asked about a subject that our society seems to take quite for granted. This is odd given how clearly the Bible forbids it.
So here's the deal. Anyone who calls himself (or herself) a born-again Christian but continues to engage in astrology is either lying about who they are --- or they're ignorant about who God is. It is as simple as that.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Bible As Truth
Dear Victorious,
You always talk about the Bible as the source of all truth, but you rarely quote Scripture. Why is that?
Ted N. - Ayden, NC
Dear Ted,
I think you've really asked two questions here.
First, I consider the Bible to be the source of all truth. Christianity is based on that premise. If we don't regard the Bible as the absolute source of truth - then Christianity has no standing whatsoever. We may as well believe in anything. Considerable research has been done and many books have been written regarding the credibility of the Bible. It is inerrant ... without flaw. Moreover, life has shown it to be true time and time again, for centuries.
Second, I don't, as a rule, quote Scripture in my answers to people's questions because they usually aren't asking for specific references. The letters I get mostly are asking for practical application of Biblical principles and truths. Most of the writers already know what the Bible says on a particular subject, but they are faced with what seems to be an exception or they are trying to put something into a Biblical perspective. Quoting Scripture wouldn't be helpful. (But you can be sure I've checked to make sure my answers are Biblically based.)
You always talk about the Bible as the source of all truth, but you rarely quote Scripture. Why is that?
Ted N. - Ayden, NC
Dear Ted,
I think you've really asked two questions here.
First, I consider the Bible to be the source of all truth. Christianity is based on that premise. If we don't regard the Bible as the absolute source of truth - then Christianity has no standing whatsoever. We may as well believe in anything. Considerable research has been done and many books have been written regarding the credibility of the Bible. It is inerrant ... without flaw. Moreover, life has shown it to be true time and time again, for centuries.
Second, I don't, as a rule, quote Scripture in my answers to people's questions because they usually aren't asking for specific references. The letters I get mostly are asking for practical application of Biblical principles and truths. Most of the writers already know what the Bible says on a particular subject, but they are faced with what seems to be an exception or they are trying to put something into a Biblical perspective. Quoting Scripture wouldn't be helpful. (But you can be sure I've checked to make sure my answers are Biblically based.)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Apology Needed?
Dear Victorious,
I've done something heinous to my best friend, but she doesn't know I did it. It's truly a case of what she doesn't know won't hurt her. But the guilt I feel is killing me. If I tell her it will ruin our friendship. (She'd be horrified.) If I don't, I feel like a fraud and a phony. What should I do?
Sunny G. - St. Paul, MN
Dear Sunny,
You've got a dilemma here. There are no solutions to this problem. From a Biblical perspective, I think confession is always the answer. But to whom you confess really matters, especially in this case. If you confess to the person you've wronged ... they could be injured. Mind you, I'm taking you at your word that she won't be injured unless she knows. But if that's truly the case, then find someone who is trustworthy and make your confession. Ask them to pray with you about that sin specifically. Leave your guilt and shame at the altar with your confession and move on.
I've done something heinous to my best friend, but she doesn't know I did it. It's truly a case of what she doesn't know won't hurt her. But the guilt I feel is killing me. If I tell her it will ruin our friendship. (She'd be horrified.) If I don't, I feel like a fraud and a phony. What should I do?
Sunny G. - St. Paul, MN
Dear Sunny,
You've got a dilemma here. There are no solutions to this problem. From a Biblical perspective, I think confession is always the answer. But to whom you confess really matters, especially in this case. If you confess to the person you've wronged ... they could be injured. Mind you, I'm taking you at your word that she won't be injured unless she knows. But if that's truly the case, then find someone who is trustworthy and make your confession. Ask them to pray with you about that sin specifically. Leave your guilt and shame at the altar with your confession and move on.
Monday, December 21, 2009
First Lady
Dear Victorious,
You've spoken about Barack Obama, but said little about Michelle Obama. How do you think she's doing as the first lady? Is she a role model for Americans?
Juan M. - Santa Rosa, CA
Dear Juan,
Yes, I would give Michelle Obama high ratings. She is supportive of her husband and a good role model for a strong, intelligent, capable wife. She also appears to have her mothering priorities in order, and speaks for strong foundational ideals for our country. I suspect most of us are still a bit naive about her leadership abilities and the level of influence that she wields in our society today.
You've spoken about Barack Obama, but said little about Michelle Obama. How do you think she's doing as the first lady? Is she a role model for Americans?
Juan M. - Santa Rosa, CA
Dear Juan,
Yes, I would give Michelle Obama high ratings. She is supportive of her husband and a good role model for a strong, intelligent, capable wife. She also appears to have her mothering priorities in order, and speaks for strong foundational ideals for our country. I suspect most of us are still a bit naive about her leadership abilities and the level of influence that she wields in our society today.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Christmas Paradigm
Dear Victorious,
If you could do one thing to shift the paradigm of materialism that seems to hold Christmas hostage every year, what would you do?
Carmen V. - Humble, TX
Dear Carmen,
Well, I'm not sure I'd agree that materialism is holding Christmas hostage every year. Those are pretty strong words. But I see your point. If I could do one thing to shift that paradigm, I guess it would be to eliminate the tradition of presents and gift giving. I'd see family celebrations without the presents --- but a focus on Christ. It would become a much more Christ-centered holiday, as opposed to a present-centered holiday. I'm not sure how the practice of presents and Santa Claus got started in the first place ... but I'm sure it wasn't from a focus on Christ.
If you could do one thing to shift the paradigm of materialism that seems to hold Christmas hostage every year, what would you do?
Carmen V. - Humble, TX
Dear Carmen,
Well, I'm not sure I'd agree that materialism is holding Christmas hostage every year. Those are pretty strong words. But I see your point. If I could do one thing to shift that paradigm, I guess it would be to eliminate the tradition of presents and gift giving. I'd see family celebrations without the presents --- but a focus on Christ. It would become a much more Christ-centered holiday, as opposed to a present-centered holiday. I'm not sure how the practice of presents and Santa Claus got started in the first place ... but I'm sure it wasn't from a focus on Christ.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Favorite Things
Dear Victor,
Oprah has her lists of favorite things. Do you have anything that's your absolute favorite for Christmas? If so, what is it?
Tia N. - Overland Park, KS
Dear Tia,
I am quite fond of the Deluxe Fruit Cake from Collin Street Bakery in Corsicana, Texas. They're shipped round the world to people of all walks of life. It's the epitome of good eating at Christmas time. Even for people who don't like fruit cake ... this is the one they'd like. (Get yours at www.collinstreet.com.)
Oprah has her lists of favorite things. Do you have anything that's your absolute favorite for Christmas? If so, what is it?
Tia N. - Overland Park, KS
Dear Tia,
I am quite fond of the Deluxe Fruit Cake from Collin Street Bakery in Corsicana, Texas. They're shipped round the world to people of all walks of life. It's the epitome of good eating at Christmas time. Even for people who don't like fruit cake ... this is the one they'd like. (Get yours at www.collinstreet.com.)
Friday, December 18, 2009
Obama's Grade
Dear Victorious,
Barack Obama recently said he would give himself a "solid B+" in terms of his performance thus far in his presidency. Would you agree? If not, what rating would you give him?
Juan M. - Santa Rosa, CA
Dear Juan,
No, I don't agree that Obama's performance would rate him a B+. I suspect that few of his constituents would give him such a rating either. My overall take is that he oversold himself in his campaigning. At the same time, I highly suspect he underestimated the size of the challenge ... and is probably feeling a bit overwhelmed if he'd be honest about it.
America has some very serious challenges in front of it right now. I'm not sure that anyone we could have elected would have really done much better than Obama. While I didn't vote for him, I believe it is my responsibility to respect and uphold him as our President. To that end, I regularly pray that God gives him wisdom, discernment and courage to steer the course. (You should too.)
Barack Obama recently said he would give himself a "solid B+" in terms of his performance thus far in his presidency. Would you agree? If not, what rating would you give him?
Juan M. - Santa Rosa, CA
Dear Juan,
No, I don't agree that Obama's performance would rate him a B+. I suspect that few of his constituents would give him such a rating either. My overall take is that he oversold himself in his campaigning. At the same time, I highly suspect he underestimated the size of the challenge ... and is probably feeling a bit overwhelmed if he'd be honest about it.
America has some very serious challenges in front of it right now. I'm not sure that anyone we could have elected would have really done much better than Obama. While I didn't vote for him, I believe it is my responsibility to respect and uphold him as our President. To that end, I regularly pray that God gives him wisdom, discernment and courage to steer the course. (You should too.)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Controversial Topics
Dear Victorious,
I've been reading you for a while now and notice that you never seem to address really sensitive issues like sexuality, politics, etc. Why is that?
Naomi W. - Pensacola, FL
Dear Naomi,
You haven't been reading me for for long ... or at least you haven't scrolled backwards into my prior posts on this Q&A blog. I talk about whatever people are writing in to me about. And I don't discriminate by subject. I believe I've addressed all kinds of sensitive topics on this blog, because there were letters with questions about them. Keep reading --- or ask your question.
I've been reading you for a while now and notice that you never seem to address really sensitive issues like sexuality, politics, etc. Why is that?
Naomi W. - Pensacola, FL
Dear Naomi,
You haven't been reading me for for long ... or at least you haven't scrolled backwards into my prior posts on this Q&A blog. I talk about whatever people are writing in to me about. And I don't discriminate by subject. I believe I've addressed all kinds of sensitive topics on this blog, because there were letters with questions about them. Keep reading --- or ask your question.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Blackberry Addiction?
Dear Victorious,
A guy I work with has been on my case lately about the use of my Blackberry. He says I'm addicted to it, and rags on me about how I check it in front of people or during meetings. I say there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing and it's good to stay connected. But he's escalated this to accusing me of not being a good Christian. Have you ever heard of anything so preposterous? What can I say to get this guy off my case?
Norman T. - Englewood, CO
Dear Norman,
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm probably going to side with your co-worker. It is good to stay connected. But the way to do that is to be fully engaged with the people who are present. So when you're in a meeting, shut off the Blackberry and be present at that meeting. Too many people are allowing cell phones, PDA and other devices to get in between them and important relationships. Technology was supposed to make our lives better. Instead its destroying our relationships and our ability to relate to each other.
I frequently see parents in restaurants, checking their Blackberry while the children eat their food in silence. It's a missed opportunity to relate. I suspect it's the issue for your co-worker too. Look at it this way. Any time you are with someone and take a phone call, check your e-mail, etc. - you are, in effect, saying, "There may be something that I'd give higher priority to than talking with or listening to you ... so I'm going to look for that right now." Is that really the kind of message you want to send to people?
A guy I work with has been on my case lately about the use of my Blackberry. He says I'm addicted to it, and rags on me about how I check it in front of people or during meetings. I say there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing and it's good to stay connected. But he's escalated this to accusing me of not being a good Christian. Have you ever heard of anything so preposterous? What can I say to get this guy off my case?
Norman T. - Englewood, CO
Dear Norman,
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm probably going to side with your co-worker. It is good to stay connected. But the way to do that is to be fully engaged with the people who are present. So when you're in a meeting, shut off the Blackberry and be present at that meeting. Too many people are allowing cell phones, PDA and other devices to get in between them and important relationships. Technology was supposed to make our lives better. Instead its destroying our relationships and our ability to relate to each other.
I frequently see parents in restaurants, checking their Blackberry while the children eat their food in silence. It's a missed opportunity to relate. I suspect it's the issue for your co-worker too. Look at it this way. Any time you are with someone and take a phone call, check your e-mail, etc. - you are, in effect, saying, "There may be something that I'd give higher priority to than talking with or listening to you ... so I'm going to look for that right now." Is that really the kind of message you want to send to people?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Missing Proposal
Dear Victor,
I've been living with my boyfriend for over two years now, and have been wanting to get married for a long time. No matter what I say, he just resists the notion of marriage and commitment. He tries to rationalize his behavior by telling me how good we are together, etc. I'm a Christian and am sick of this charade. When is he going to make a decent woman of me? What can I do?
Melissa R. - Torrance, CA
Dear Melissa,
What you can do is start living your values. It is not up to your boyfriend to "make a decent woman of you." That is your responsibility ... and it appears that you shirked it a long time ago when you decided to shack up with him. Let's be clear, you can't call yourself a Christ-follower and then deliberately not follow Christ. The Bible is clear about sex and other forms of intimacy outside of a committed marriage relationship. They are off limits.
While you may not like your boyfriend's behavior, let's face the fact that you've been enabling his bad behavior. My advice to you is to get clear on who you are and then live that way. If in fact you are a Christ-follower, then you don't spend even one more night in the same house with any man that you're not married to. Draw firm boundaries about your own sexuality and don't get emotionally intimate with any man unless you see that mutual commitment.
I've been living with my boyfriend for over two years now, and have been wanting to get married for a long time. No matter what I say, he just resists the notion of marriage and commitment. He tries to rationalize his behavior by telling me how good we are together, etc. I'm a Christian and am sick of this charade. When is he going to make a decent woman of me? What can I do?
Melissa R. - Torrance, CA
Dear Melissa,
What you can do is start living your values. It is not up to your boyfriend to "make a decent woman of you." That is your responsibility ... and it appears that you shirked it a long time ago when you decided to shack up with him. Let's be clear, you can't call yourself a Christ-follower and then deliberately not follow Christ. The Bible is clear about sex and other forms of intimacy outside of a committed marriage relationship. They are off limits.
While you may not like your boyfriend's behavior, let's face the fact that you've been enabling his bad behavior. My advice to you is to get clear on who you are and then live that way. If in fact you are a Christ-follower, then you don't spend even one more night in the same house with any man that you're not married to. Draw firm boundaries about your own sexuality and don't get emotionally intimate with any man unless you see that mutual commitment.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Recovery Programs
Dear Victorious,
I know that you're a fan of Celebrate Recovery (I read your main blog). But I see many flaws in Celebrate Recovery. Don't you think the secular twelve-step programs do just as good a job of helping people get sober?
Kyle D. - Ponca City, OK
Dear Kyle,
No, I don't. Secular twelve-step programs have excellent structure and discipline. They also offer camaraderie, which is valuable. But they stop far short of producing spiritual wholeness (versus sobriety).
When last I counted there were more than three dozen twelve-step programs out there. They cover everything from drinking to shopping and gambling. The thing is that each overlooks the underlying reason why people turn to vices or get basics in life (such as food and sex) into some perverted context where it destroys their lives.
People are spiritually empty and only a personal relationship with Jesus Christ can fix that. Frankly, spiritual wholeness is considerably more important than sobriety (i.e., victory over any specific hurt, habit or hang-up). Celebrate Recovery's principles for effective living are based on the Beatitudes (Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew 5). These principles are Biblical and correlate to the rest of Scripture.
I too see many flaws in Celebrate Recovery. It has it shortcomings. But overall, I've not seen a more effective discipleship tool out there. So I'll take the flaws and shortcomings because they pail in the face of the spiritual wholeness that is produced when someone actually submits themselves to Christ by actually working the principles of Celebrate Recovery.
I know that you're a fan of Celebrate Recovery (I read your main blog). But I see many flaws in Celebrate Recovery. Don't you think the secular twelve-step programs do just as good a job of helping people get sober?
Kyle D. - Ponca City, OK
Dear Kyle,
No, I don't. Secular twelve-step programs have excellent structure and discipline. They also offer camaraderie, which is valuable. But they stop far short of producing spiritual wholeness (versus sobriety).
When last I counted there were more than three dozen twelve-step programs out there. They cover everything from drinking to shopping and gambling. The thing is that each overlooks the underlying reason why people turn to vices or get basics in life (such as food and sex) into some perverted context where it destroys their lives.
People are spiritually empty and only a personal relationship with Jesus Christ can fix that. Frankly, spiritual wholeness is considerably more important than sobriety (i.e., victory over any specific hurt, habit or hang-up). Celebrate Recovery's principles for effective living are based on the Beatitudes (Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew 5). These principles are Biblical and correlate to the rest of Scripture.
I too see many flaws in Celebrate Recovery. It has it shortcomings. But overall, I've not seen a more effective discipleship tool out there. So I'll take the flaws and shortcomings because they pail in the face of the spiritual wholeness that is produced when someone actually submits themselves to Christ by actually working the principles of Celebrate Recovery.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Pre-Destination?
Dear Victorious,
I don't really understand this concept called pre-destination. A friend has tried to explain it to me but it makes no sense. I mean, how could I have existed before I existed? How did God have a plan for me before I existed? Isn't this just a bunch of religious foolishness?
Mackori T. - Traverse City, MI
Dear Mackori,
No, it's not a bunch of religious nonsense. It's Biblical truth. You must remember that there are many Biblical truths which make no sense to mankind. But that doesn't make them any less true.
Ephesians 1:4-5 says, "For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world ... In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons (and daughters) through Jesus Christ ..." So what this means is that God knew about you before He even created the world. He knew when you would be conceived as a human, how you would live your life, etc. And He decided then how He wanted you to turn out.
This goes back to the simple truth that we are first and foremost spiritual beings who were put on this earth to have a human experience. We don't know for sure, but it is entirely possible that we existed as spiritual beings well before the world was created and well before we were born as human beings.
Genesis 1:26 tells us, "Then God said, 'Let us make man(kind) in our own image, in our likeness ..." What this means is that the Trinity of God (Father, Son & Holy Spirit) decided to create mankind in His own image. Keep in mind that at that point in time, God have never taken a human form (such as He did in Jesus). At that time, His image was only that of a spiritual being.
So He created us as spiritual beings --- in His own image. Thereafter He determined that we would have a human experience. And He planned out that human experience for each of us. It's what pre-destination really is.
I don't really understand this concept called pre-destination. A friend has tried to explain it to me but it makes no sense. I mean, how could I have existed before I existed? How did God have a plan for me before I existed? Isn't this just a bunch of religious foolishness?
Mackori T. - Traverse City, MI
Dear Mackori,
No, it's not a bunch of religious nonsense. It's Biblical truth. You must remember that there are many Biblical truths which make no sense to mankind. But that doesn't make them any less true.
Ephesians 1:4-5 says, "For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world ... In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons (and daughters) through Jesus Christ ..." So what this means is that God knew about you before He even created the world. He knew when you would be conceived as a human, how you would live your life, etc. And He decided then how He wanted you to turn out.
This goes back to the simple truth that we are first and foremost spiritual beings who were put on this earth to have a human experience. We don't know for sure, but it is entirely possible that we existed as spiritual beings well before the world was created and well before we were born as human beings.
Genesis 1:26 tells us, "Then God said, 'Let us make man(kind) in our own image, in our likeness ..." What this means is that the Trinity of God (Father, Son & Holy Spirit) decided to create mankind in His own image. Keep in mind that at that point in time, God have never taken a human form (such as He did in Jesus). At that time, His image was only that of a spiritual being.
So He created us as spiritual beings --- in His own image. Thereafter He determined that we would have a human experience. And He planned out that human experience for each of us. It's what pre-destination really is.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Trust the Lord
Dear Victorious,
The Bible says we are to trust the Lord with all of our heart, soul and mind. How exactly does one do that? How do you know if you've accomplished it?
Jennifer M. - Conway, AR
Dear Jennifer,
Get to know the character and nature of God by reading His Word. Then watch to see how He works and synchronize your thinking with His. Get the point where you're not surprised by what happened - because it's what you expected of God anyway.
Then when you find areas of your life where you aren't trusting God, confess that sin and repent of it by turning toward God.
The Bible says we are to trust the Lord with all of our heart, soul and mind. How exactly does one do that? How do you know if you've accomplished it?
Jennifer M. - Conway, AR
Dear Jennifer,
Get to know the character and nature of God by reading His Word. Then watch to see how He works and synchronize your thinking with His. Get the point where you're not surprised by what happened - because it's what you expected of God anyway.
Then when you find areas of your life where you aren't trusting God, confess that sin and repent of it by turning toward God.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Tithing
Dear Victor,
I'm a Christian, but am tired of the double-standard when it comes to tithing. It seems the preachers want to tell us about giving all the time, but they never stop at the 10% rule. They always just seem to beg for money, no matter how much you give. Isn't this whole concept a little outdated? I mean, who really tithes today in Christianity?
Edwin C. - Moran, WY
Dear Edwin,
No, I don't think the concept of tithing is outdated. The Bible is clear that we are to be faithful in our support of the temple (our place of worship) and that Christ-followers are all supposed to be members of the temple (have a formal place of worship). So we have God's calling to belong to a church, be actively engaged in a church and to faithfully support that church and its ministries. It's a calling that never becomes outdated and will always remain relevant until Christ returns.
Who tithes? You'd be surprised. Many of us (including me) are faithful tithers. In fact, my wife and I give considerably more than 10% to God's work. But here's the thing - the Old Testament mentions tithe and the New Testament doesn't specify an amount. Jesus' message was that we are to love God first, and then to love others. So we aren't limited to 10%. We are only limited by our willingness to obey.
Put another way, it does not matter the size of your donation or the size of your income. What really matters here is the size of your obedience.
I'm a Christian, but am tired of the double-standard when it comes to tithing. It seems the preachers want to tell us about giving all the time, but they never stop at the 10% rule. They always just seem to beg for money, no matter how much you give. Isn't this whole concept a little outdated? I mean, who really tithes today in Christianity?
Edwin C. - Moran, WY
Dear Edwin,
No, I don't think the concept of tithing is outdated. The Bible is clear that we are to be faithful in our support of the temple (our place of worship) and that Christ-followers are all supposed to be members of the temple (have a formal place of worship). So we have God's calling to belong to a church, be actively engaged in a church and to faithfully support that church and its ministries. It's a calling that never becomes outdated and will always remain relevant until Christ returns.
Who tithes? You'd be surprised. Many of us (including me) are faithful tithers. In fact, my wife and I give considerably more than 10% to God's work. But here's the thing - the Old Testament mentions tithe and the New Testament doesn't specify an amount. Jesus' message was that we are to love God first, and then to love others. So we aren't limited to 10%. We are only limited by our willingness to obey.
Put another way, it does not matter the size of your donation or the size of your income. What really matters here is the size of your obedience.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Cosmetic Surgery
Dear Victorious,
Is it a sin to get a facelift? Some of my friends think it is. Others say that the body is the temple and joke that they're just renovating the temple. What's the truth?
Keenan M. - Half Moon Bay, CA
Dear Keenan,
Getting the facelift is not the sin. The sin would be found in the reasons for getting the facelift. It is not a sin to take care of ourselves, dress well, etc. So put the facelift in that context. But it is a sin to be vain, selfish, self-centered, etc. It is a sin to spend money we don't have. It is a sin to disregard the needs of the poor. It is a sin to be jealous of others. So the facelift is not a sin ... but there could be plenty of sin behind the facelift.
Is it a sin to get a facelift? Some of my friends think it is. Others say that the body is the temple and joke that they're just renovating the temple. What's the truth?
Keenan M. - Half Moon Bay, CA
Dear Keenan,
Getting the facelift is not the sin. The sin would be found in the reasons for getting the facelift. It is not a sin to take care of ourselves, dress well, etc. So put the facelift in that context. But it is a sin to be vain, selfish, self-centered, etc. It is a sin to spend money we don't have. It is a sin to disregard the needs of the poor. It is a sin to be jealous of others. So the facelift is not a sin ... but there could be plenty of sin behind the facelift.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Virtuous People
Dear Victorious,
Do you think there could be such a thing as virtuous Muslims? How about righteous Hindus? I know Christianity is the only way. But it seems narrow-minded not to consider the good people of other faiths.
Deborah T. - Lake Tahoe, NV
Dear Deborah,
Of course there are virtuous Muslims, Jews, Hindus and even atheists. Look up the definition of the word "virtuous." When it comes to righteousness, however, I think we have a different situation. Look up the definition of righteousness and you get quite another story --- that is much harder to qualify for. The Bible says that none of us is righteous without Jesus Christ. That would of course include people of all faiths and people of no faith.
Let's face it, Christianity is narrow-minded. The way to God is narrow itself. There are many other religions in the world. The people who practice them may also be very good people. In many, many cases, those people are very sincere about their faith. But they are sincerely wrong. Despite logic and reason, Jesus Christ is the only way. Bar none.
Do you think there could be such a thing as virtuous Muslims? How about righteous Hindus? I know Christianity is the only way. But it seems narrow-minded not to consider the good people of other faiths.
Deborah T. - Lake Tahoe, NV
Dear Deborah,
Of course there are virtuous Muslims, Jews, Hindus and even atheists. Look up the definition of the word "virtuous." When it comes to righteousness, however, I think we have a different situation. Look up the definition of righteousness and you get quite another story --- that is much harder to qualify for. The Bible says that none of us is righteous without Jesus Christ. That would of course include people of all faiths and people of no faith.
Let's face it, Christianity is narrow-minded. The way to God is narrow itself. There are many other religions in the world. The people who practice them may also be very good people. In many, many cases, those people are very sincere about their faith. But they are sincerely wrong. Despite logic and reason, Jesus Christ is the only way. Bar none.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Slang Talk
Dear Victorious,
Why do people use slang when they talk? Is there a Biblical view of this?
Stephen V. - Marshall, TX
Dear Stephen,
It could be because they are ignorant and don't have a good language skills. It could be because they aren't sophisticated --- and maybe spend time around a lot of other people who use slang language. But I suspect the most common reason would be that it is a choice they make because it makes them sound cool, hip and relevant.
I don't know of a specific Scripture reference that would forbid the use of slang in communication. However, there are several places in Scripture where we are to speak only words that edify, conduct ourselves in a manner that is worthy, etc. So in general, I doubt that choosing to speak in slang would really be such a God-honoring proposition. That said, I'm aware that even some preachers do it so they can more effectively communicate with an audience. But like I said, that seems like a choice one makes to seem more cool.
Why do people use slang when they talk? Is there a Biblical view of this?
Stephen V. - Marshall, TX
Dear Stephen,
It could be because they are ignorant and don't have a good language skills. It could be because they aren't sophisticated --- and maybe spend time around a lot of other people who use slang language. But I suspect the most common reason would be that it is a choice they make because it makes them sound cool, hip and relevant.
I don't know of a specific Scripture reference that would forbid the use of slang in communication. However, there are several places in Scripture where we are to speak only words that edify, conduct ourselves in a manner that is worthy, etc. So in general, I doubt that choosing to speak in slang would really be such a God-honoring proposition. That said, I'm aware that even some preachers do it so they can more effectively communicate with an audience. But like I said, that seems like a choice one makes to seem more cool.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Family Holidays
Dear Victorious,
The holidays are coming and I definitely don't enjoy them. I'm from a rather close-knit family and they insist that we all be together over the holidays. The thing is, I don't like these people. They're petty. They're conniving. They gossip about each other behind each other's backs. Sometimes they can be downright vicious. I don't want to spend holidays with these people, but get pressured into it every single year. Help!
Dora Lynn - Amherst, MA
Dear Dora,
Based on how you speak in your letter, I gather you are an adult and live on your own. (If you're an adult and don't live on your own - that would be your first problem.) But assuming you're not dependent on these people for financial support, you are under no obligation to spend any time with them. Make other plans and don't apologize. Tell them it's time you start some new traditions. Of course they'll try to guilt you into doing what they want. But here's the thing about that: no one can make you do something you don't want to ... and that includes feel bad.
So are you ready to stop letting these people manipulate you? That is really the only question that needs to be answered here. And I'm afraid you'll have to answer it!
The holidays are coming and I definitely don't enjoy them. I'm from a rather close-knit family and they insist that we all be together over the holidays. The thing is, I don't like these people. They're petty. They're conniving. They gossip about each other behind each other's backs. Sometimes they can be downright vicious. I don't want to spend holidays with these people, but get pressured into it every single year. Help!
Dora Lynn - Amherst, MA
Dear Dora,
Based on how you speak in your letter, I gather you are an adult and live on your own. (If you're an adult and don't live on your own - that would be your first problem.) But assuming you're not dependent on these people for financial support, you are under no obligation to spend any time with them. Make other plans and don't apologize. Tell them it's time you start some new traditions. Of course they'll try to guilt you into doing what they want. But here's the thing about that: no one can make you do something you don't want to ... and that includes feel bad.
So are you ready to stop letting these people manipulate you? That is really the only question that needs to be answered here. And I'm afraid you'll have to answer it!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Sexual Sin
Dear Victorious,
My husband has a nasty habit of looking at pornography. He did when he was single and basically has never stopped. We've talked about this until I am blue in the face. The problem is that he doesn't think it's really wrong. He says it doesn't harm anybody and is much different than if he were having an affair or something. I guess he's got a point, but still I don't like it. How do I reconcile myself with this situation?
Marcie A. - Rockford, IL
Dear Marcie,
You don't. Your husband is wrong. What he is doing is immoral, ungodly and amounts to SIN no matter how you dice it. Human sexuality is a gift from God that is to be experienced and expressed only in the context of a committed marriage relationship. Frankly, it is the celebration of the relationship. (Your husband wouldn't consider celebrating your birthday with someone besides you!)
1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." You see, sexual sin is different than all other types of sin. Mind you, it is not any worse than any other kind of sin. But it is different. All sin harms other people. Sexual sin harms even ourselves.
Tell you husband to stop. Put your foot down and draw a firm boundary on this one. If he cannot stop, seek help from a Christian counselor or a Christian recovery group. (I can recommend http://www.celebraterecovery.com/). If he refuses to get counseling or help, then you go by yourself and tell them you are the codependent wife of a husband who is addicted to pornography.
You can get victory over this. And you don't have to be defiled by your husband's filthy habit.
My husband has a nasty habit of looking at pornography. He did when he was single and basically has never stopped. We've talked about this until I am blue in the face. The problem is that he doesn't think it's really wrong. He says it doesn't harm anybody and is much different than if he were having an affair or something. I guess he's got a point, but still I don't like it. How do I reconcile myself with this situation?
Marcie A. - Rockford, IL
Dear Marcie,
You don't. Your husband is wrong. What he is doing is immoral, ungodly and amounts to SIN no matter how you dice it. Human sexuality is a gift from God that is to be experienced and expressed only in the context of a committed marriage relationship. Frankly, it is the celebration of the relationship. (Your husband wouldn't consider celebrating your birthday with someone besides you!)
1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." You see, sexual sin is different than all other types of sin. Mind you, it is not any worse than any other kind of sin. But it is different. All sin harms other people. Sexual sin harms even ourselves.
Tell you husband to stop. Put your foot down and draw a firm boundary on this one. If he cannot stop, seek help from a Christian counselor or a Christian recovery group. (I can recommend http://www.celebraterecovery.com/). If he refuses to get counseling or help, then you go by yourself and tell them you are the codependent wife of a husband who is addicted to pornography.
You can get victory over this. And you don't have to be defiled by your husband's filthy habit.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Money Maker
Dear Victorious,
I make more money than my husband, and it is causing some severe problems in our marriage. This was not always the case. For several years he earned more than me, and I was fine with it. Now that the tables are turned, he seems to resent the fact that I'm the major breadwinner in the household. I want him to be proud of me ... and not resentful. What can we do?
Nancy B. - Willoughby, OH
Dear Nancy,
From a Christian perspective, I'd say you both need to change your view of marriage and your respective roles in it.
Our society and culture will say that a man's earnings are somewhat part of his definition and value ... and when that's weakened he feels like less of a man. That may be factual and circumstantial --- but it is not Biblical truth. Both of you were defined on the cross, and that's where your value was established.
You both need to view your marriage as a ministry base, and the respective earnings the funding for the ministry. As funding mechanisms go, one or the other might ebb and flow. So regardless of who is working more hours or earning more money, you both need to celebrate God's provision to your joint ministry.
Focusing on both of you viewing the union of your marriage as the ministry that God has called the both of you to. The rest will fall into perspective.
I make more money than my husband, and it is causing some severe problems in our marriage. This was not always the case. For several years he earned more than me, and I was fine with it. Now that the tables are turned, he seems to resent the fact that I'm the major breadwinner in the household. I want him to be proud of me ... and not resentful. What can we do?
Nancy B. - Willoughby, OH
Dear Nancy,
From a Christian perspective, I'd say you both need to change your view of marriage and your respective roles in it.
Our society and culture will say that a man's earnings are somewhat part of his definition and value ... and when that's weakened he feels like less of a man. That may be factual and circumstantial --- but it is not Biblical truth. Both of you were defined on the cross, and that's where your value was established.
You both need to view your marriage as a ministry base, and the respective earnings the funding for the ministry. As funding mechanisms go, one or the other might ebb and flow. So regardless of who is working more hours or earning more money, you both need to celebrate God's provision to your joint ministry.
Focusing on both of you viewing the union of your marriage as the ministry that God has called the both of you to. The rest will fall into perspective.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Evil Thoughts
Dear Victorious,
I became a Christian about three years ago, was baptized and all. I truly do love the Lord. But I find that lustful thoughts still seem to come to me throughout the day. I read my Bible daily, attend church regularly, and love to worship. Still these thoughts come to me. And they're disgusting thoughts that I don't even want to have! Why won't God take these thoughts away from me?
Burl A. - Burlington, VT
Dear Burl,
First of all, don't blame God for these thoughts. If you had these thoughts before you were a Christian, it is quite plausible that you will struggle with them further. But take heart - you can get victory in this area of your life.
Examine what you are putting into your mind through television, radio, Internet, books, music, magazines, conversations, movies, etc. Replace anything that you find which isn't really God-honoring with things that are "excellent and worthy of praise." (Philippians 4:8)
More than likely the evil thoughts keep coming to you because their stimulus remains fresh in you. I've heard it said that when you become a Christian, you must change your playground, and sometimes change your playmates too.
I became a Christian about three years ago, was baptized and all. I truly do love the Lord. But I find that lustful thoughts still seem to come to me throughout the day. I read my Bible daily, attend church regularly, and love to worship. Still these thoughts come to me. And they're disgusting thoughts that I don't even want to have! Why won't God take these thoughts away from me?
Burl A. - Burlington, VT
Dear Burl,
First of all, don't blame God for these thoughts. If you had these thoughts before you were a Christian, it is quite plausible that you will struggle with them further. But take heart - you can get victory in this area of your life.
Examine what you are putting into your mind through television, radio, Internet, books, music, magazines, conversations, movies, etc. Replace anything that you find which isn't really God-honoring with things that are "excellent and worthy of praise." (Philippians 4:8)
More than likely the evil thoughts keep coming to you because their stimulus remains fresh in you. I've heard it said that when you become a Christian, you must change your playground, and sometimes change your playmates too.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Peace of Christ
Dear Victorious,
It says in Colossians 3:15 that we are to "let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." What does this mean? How would peace rule in my heart?
Sammy T. - Missoula, MT
Dear Sammy,
When we become followers of Christ, a spiritual war is set off within us. It is the clash of feelings and desires, of trust and distrust, of jealousy and love, and of fears and hope. We must then go about the daily business of deciding between conflicting elements. We do so by choosing the rule of peace. Which choice will best promote peace in our hearts and in our relationships at all levels?
When we allow peace to rule in our hearts in this way, we find that life works out quite nicely.
It says in Colossians 3:15 that we are to "let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." What does this mean? How would peace rule in my heart?
Sammy T. - Missoula, MT
Dear Sammy,
When we become followers of Christ, a spiritual war is set off within us. It is the clash of feelings and desires, of trust and distrust, of jealousy and love, and of fears and hope. We must then go about the daily business of deciding between conflicting elements. We do so by choosing the rule of peace. Which choice will best promote peace in our hearts and in our relationships at all levels?
When we allow peace to rule in our hearts in this way, we find that life works out quite nicely.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Christmas Meaning
Dear Victor,
We often hear people talking about the "real meaning of Christmas." They speak about family, about friendships, etc. (Usually it seems like they're selling something.) What is the real meaning of Christmas?
Anil Frederick - Costa Mesa, CA
Dear Anil,
Well, the real meaning of Christmas is most likely not anything you've heard on TV or radio - or saw in a greeting card either. Here's the thing ... there would be no Christmas without Christ. So unless you are a follower of Christ, there would be nothing to celebrate.
Now, what is the real meaning of Christmas? For starters, Christmas has no real meaning unless you are a Christ follower. So if you're not --- Christmas is meaningless drivel. Moreover, any meaning that a non-Christian might try to ascribe to Christmas is illegitimate.
But if you are a Christ follower, then Christmas is the celebration of the greatest love story ever told. The birth of the Messiah - Christ had been foretold by the prophets for centuries. It's when the Father acted on His magnificent plan to fulfill the redemption of man. Why did God do this? Because He loved us so much.
So if you want to know the real meaning of Christmas, read John 3:16, "For God so loved the (people 0f) the world, that He sent His only Son - so that whomever would believe (i.e., follow and obey) in Him would have everlasting life." There's the real meaning of Christmas for you!
We often hear people talking about the "real meaning of Christmas." They speak about family, about friendships, etc. (Usually it seems like they're selling something.) What is the real meaning of Christmas?
Anil Frederick - Costa Mesa, CA
Dear Anil,
Well, the real meaning of Christmas is most likely not anything you've heard on TV or radio - or saw in a greeting card either. Here's the thing ... there would be no Christmas without Christ. So unless you are a follower of Christ, there would be nothing to celebrate.
Now, what is the real meaning of Christmas? For starters, Christmas has no real meaning unless you are a Christ follower. So if you're not --- Christmas is meaningless drivel. Moreover, any meaning that a non-Christian might try to ascribe to Christmas is illegitimate.
But if you are a Christ follower, then Christmas is the celebration of the greatest love story ever told. The birth of the Messiah - Christ had been foretold by the prophets for centuries. It's when the Father acted on His magnificent plan to fulfill the redemption of man. Why did God do this? Because He loved us so much.
So if you want to know the real meaning of Christmas, read John 3:16, "For God so loved the (people 0f) the world, that He sent His only Son - so that whomever would believe (i.e., follow and obey) in Him would have everlasting life." There's the real meaning of Christmas for you!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Dead in Christ
Dear Victorious,
I heard a preacher talking the other day on television about how Christians are "dead in Christ." He also talked about being "dead to sin." Exactly how is this possible? What does it mean in practical terms?
Harley M. - Moline, IL
Dear Harley,
It sounds strange but it certainly does have a practical meaning. People who are "dead in Christ" have received the same eternal outcome as Christ Himself. He defeated human death, rising above it to live with God forever. When we become Christians and submit ourselves to Christ, we are heirs to the same future. Similarly, being "dead to sin" means that our desires for things of this world are the same as would be those of a dead person. In other words, our desires and focus become those of God - and the trappings of this world have no influence on us any longer. We are "dead" to them.
I heard a preacher talking the other day on television about how Christians are "dead in Christ." He also talked about being "dead to sin." Exactly how is this possible? What does it mean in practical terms?
Harley M. - Moline, IL
Dear Harley,
It sounds strange but it certainly does have a practical meaning. People who are "dead in Christ" have received the same eternal outcome as Christ Himself. He defeated human death, rising above it to live with God forever. When we become Christians and submit ourselves to Christ, we are heirs to the same future. Similarly, being "dead to sin" means that our desires for things of this world are the same as would be those of a dead person. In other words, our desires and focus become those of God - and the trappings of this world have no influence on us any longer. We are "dead" to them.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Dating Advice
Dear Victorious,
I'm single and am tired of the dating scene. I've heard the saying that one has to "kiss a lot of frogs" to find their true love. But that's an exhausting process. What would you recommend for someone in my shoes.
Lakeesha W. - Milwaukee, WI
Dear Lakeesha,
I'd recommend a paradigm shift. You're stuck in a cycle of insanity (described as doing the same thing over and over, but expecting a different result). So stop the cycle and do something radically different.
There's a book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," and is written by author Josh Harris. (http://www.joshharris.com/i_kissed_dating_goodbye.php). Get yourself a copy of this book and read it from cover-to-cover before you go on even one more date.
I'm single and am tired of the dating scene. I've heard the saying that one has to "kiss a lot of frogs" to find their true love. But that's an exhausting process. What would you recommend for someone in my shoes.
Lakeesha W. - Milwaukee, WI
Dear Lakeesha,
I'd recommend a paradigm shift. You're stuck in a cycle of insanity (described as doing the same thing over and over, but expecting a different result). So stop the cycle and do something radically different.
There's a book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," and is written by author Josh Harris. (http://www.joshharris.com/i_kissed_dating_goodbye.php). Get yourself a copy of this book and read it from cover-to-cover before you go on even one more date.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
John 3:16
Dear Victorious,
How would you explain John 3:16 to someone who isn't really familiar with the Bible and (probably) doesn't really know God?
Theresa S. - Bremerton, WA
Dear Theresa,
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son - so that whoever would believe on Him would never die and have eternal life themselves." (Of course I'm paraphrasing.)
So what is being said here. It's a simple message. As sinners we are doomed. But God has such great love for us that He sent a sacrifice to rescue us. He made it such that anyone who would take Him at face value could be redeemed and live forever.
It's a message of love. Not everyone will get it. So just remember that it is your responsibility to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with others. However, it is not your responsibility to ensure that they understand or embrace it. (That's the job of the Holy Spirit.)
How would you explain John 3:16 to someone who isn't really familiar with the Bible and (probably) doesn't really know God?
Theresa S. - Bremerton, WA
Dear Theresa,
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son - so that whoever would believe on Him would never die and have eternal life themselves." (Of course I'm paraphrasing.)
So what is being said here. It's a simple message. As sinners we are doomed. But God has such great love for us that He sent a sacrifice to rescue us. He made it such that anyone who would take Him at face value could be redeemed and live forever.
It's a message of love. Not everyone will get it. So just remember that it is your responsibility to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with others. However, it is not your responsibility to ensure that they understand or embrace it. (That's the job of the Holy Spirit.)
Saturday, November 28, 2009
New Self?
Dear Victorious,
The Bible talks about "putting on your new self." What exactly does this mean? How does one do it?
Norma F. - Tulsa, OK
Dear Norma,
In simple terms it means to be who you say you are. People can have the best of intentions, but if their actions don't follow up then they are frauds and phonies. Your new self is the new perspective and new thinking you have (when you become a Christ follower). Putting it on is just acting like that new person. Your desires, habits and practices must all be constantly changing for the better. You are turning from the sinful, worldly ways ... and turning toward righteous, holy ways.
The Bible talks about "putting on your new self." What exactly does this mean? How does one do it?
Norma F. - Tulsa, OK
Dear Norma,
In simple terms it means to be who you say you are. People can have the best of intentions, but if their actions don't follow up then they are frauds and phonies. Your new self is the new perspective and new thinking you have (when you become a Christ follower). Putting it on is just acting like that new person. Your desires, habits and practices must all be constantly changing for the better. You are turning from the sinful, worldly ways ... and turning toward righteous, holy ways.
Lottery Winnings
Dear Victorious,
If you won the lottery and had a lot of money, what would you do with it?
Sam H. - McLean, VA
Dear Sam,
Oh that's an easy one for me! I would quit my job and devote myself to full-time ministry. I spend my days traveling the world, planting missions, training leaders and encouraging leaders. I'd probably make generous donations to my church and a couple of other churches I've been part of in the past. Finally, I'd surprise people I love with gifts they weren't expecting. And I'd look for new people to love. In short, I'd squander every penny of my winnings giving and investing myself in others.
If you won the lottery and had a lot of money, what would you do with it?
Sam H. - McLean, VA
Dear Sam,
Oh that's an easy one for me! I would quit my job and devote myself to full-time ministry. I spend my days traveling the world, planting missions, training leaders and encouraging leaders. I'd probably make generous donations to my church and a couple of other churches I've been part of in the past. Finally, I'd surprise people I love with gifts they weren't expecting. And I'd look for new people to love. In short, I'd squander every penny of my winnings giving and investing myself in others.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Christian Charity
Dear Victorious,
I notice you trashed (on your blog) Franklin Graham for his excessive compensation, etc. Is there a Christian charity that you admire and hold in high esteem? If so, what is it? And why do you admire them?
Tammy Z. - Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Dear Tammy,
Yes, I quite admire World Vision. They are a very large charity with thousands of employees in dozens of countries. Their work amazes me because it goes well beyond the traditional bleeding heart liberal championing a single cause. Rather World Vision seeks to better communities and equip people to care for themselves. I'm especially intrigued with World Vision's applications of technology and process engineering to create better value and real breakthroughs in social change. Their thinking is very progressive and innovative. At the same time, the executives at World Vision walk the talk as good as I could imagine. They are true servants of Christ with a heart for the lost and the poor.
I notice you trashed (on your blog) Franklin Graham for his excessive compensation, etc. Is there a Christian charity that you admire and hold in high esteem? If so, what is it? And why do you admire them?
Tammy Z. - Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Dear Tammy,
Yes, I quite admire World Vision. They are a very large charity with thousands of employees in dozens of countries. Their work amazes me because it goes well beyond the traditional bleeding heart liberal championing a single cause. Rather World Vision seeks to better communities and equip people to care for themselves. I'm especially intrigued with World Vision's applications of technology and process engineering to create better value and real breakthroughs in social change. Their thinking is very progressive and innovative. At the same time, the executives at World Vision walk the talk as good as I could imagine. They are true servants of Christ with a heart for the lost and the poor.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Lady Gaga
Dear Victorious,
You've spoken out about various celebrities. What are your thoughts about Lady Gaga?
Tim H. - Kingsport, TN
Dear Tim,
Well, I didn't think I had been that outspoken about celebrities. But since you asked ... I am intrigued by Lady Gaga's sense of presentation and showmanship. She obviously knows how to be eccentric and entertaining. That said, I wouldn't let minor children listen to her music. For that matter, I don't think Christ-followers should listen to her music. It's profane and obscene.
You've spoken out about various celebrities. What are your thoughts about Lady Gaga?
Tim H. - Kingsport, TN
Dear Tim,
Well, I didn't think I had been that outspoken about celebrities. But since you asked ... I am intrigued by Lady Gaga's sense of presentation and showmanship. She obviously knows how to be eccentric and entertaining. That said, I wouldn't let minor children listen to her music. For that matter, I don't think Christ-followers should listen to her music. It's profane and obscene.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Black Friday
Dear Victorious,
What do you think of "Black Friday," the day after Thanksgiving when people go shopping for Christmas gifts?
Nadine P. - Grand Island, NE
Dear Nadine,
To be honest, I never really think about it. I also don't participate in it. I suppose I could preach against it, but I doubt that it's really any worse than any of the other materialistic ways that we desecrate Christmas. If you're going to shop ... and if the prices are better that day ... and if you enjoy the hustle and bustle of the crowds --- then I say go and have at it. Me? I try to make it a habit to spend the day after Thanksgiving doing something outdoors in a woods somewhere!
What do you think of "Black Friday," the day after Thanksgiving when people go shopping for Christmas gifts?
Nadine P. - Grand Island, NE
Dear Nadine,
To be honest, I never really think about it. I also don't participate in it. I suppose I could preach against it, but I doubt that it's really any worse than any of the other materialistic ways that we desecrate Christmas. If you're going to shop ... and if the prices are better that day ... and if you enjoy the hustle and bustle of the crowds --- then I say go and have at it. Me? I try to make it a habit to spend the day after Thanksgiving doing something outdoors in a woods somewhere!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Empty Holiday
Dear Victor,
I don't have any living relatives and am all alone in this world. I'm retired and don't really have any close friends. I sit and wait for someone to invite me ... it would be wonderful to be included in family celebrations. What is someone to do in my situation?
Len V. - Richardson, TX
Dear Len,
I guess what someone in your situation should do is not sit and wait for others to make your holidays meaningful. Identify others who are in your situation. Seriously ... make a list of people you know who don't have anyone or are in circumstances where they won't be with anyone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years or any other holiday. Then invite all of them to your place.
You get the meat and ask each of them to bring something. Make it a party and invite only people who are alone and don't have anyone. If you don't know enough, ask your church or ask around your neighbors. Tell people you know that you're looking for people to invite and see if they have suggestions.
The point is to turn your focus to serving and loving others. (I be you'll find it's the best holiday ever!)
I don't have any living relatives and am all alone in this world. I'm retired and don't really have any close friends. I sit and wait for someone to invite me ... it would be wonderful to be included in family celebrations. What is someone to do in my situation?
Len V. - Richardson, TX
Dear Len,
I guess what someone in your situation should do is not sit and wait for others to make your holidays meaningful. Identify others who are in your situation. Seriously ... make a list of people you know who don't have anyone or are in circumstances where they won't be with anyone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years or any other holiday. Then invite all of them to your place.
You get the meat and ask each of them to bring something. Make it a party and invite only people who are alone and don't have anyone. If you don't know enough, ask your church or ask around your neighbors. Tell people you know that you're looking for people to invite and see if they have suggestions.
The point is to turn your focus to serving and loving others. (I be you'll find it's the best holiday ever!)
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sexually Compatible
Dear Victorious,
I know that pre-marital sex is out of the question for Christians. But how else can we assess sexual compatibility?
Dave F. - Salt Lake City, UT
Dear Dave,
By assessing your compatibility in other areas. Sex is the celebration of the relationship. It's not something you test drive. You don't for example, see how good the birthday party is before you decide to have a birthday. In the same way, you don't use sex as a barometer for the relationship - or as criteria for the relationship. Focus on the relationship ... giving, compromising, serving and sacrificing. The sex will follow (after marriage).
I know that pre-marital sex is out of the question for Christians. But how else can we assess sexual compatibility?
Dave F. - Salt Lake City, UT
Dear Dave,
By assessing your compatibility in other areas. Sex is the celebration of the relationship. It's not something you test drive. You don't for example, see how good the birthday party is before you decide to have a birthday. In the same way, you don't use sex as a barometer for the relationship - or as criteria for the relationship. Focus on the relationship ... giving, compromising, serving and sacrificing. The sex will follow (after marriage).
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Rap Music
Dear Victorious,
We have teen-age children and they seem to be listening more and more to rap music. Besides the fact that I find some of it annoying (and hardly worthy of being called music), I wonder about the impact it could be having. I've heard that some of it is satanic, and I wonder about the lyrics. Should we be letting our kids listen to this kind of music? And if not, how do we get them to stop listening to it?
Corrine L. - Portland, OR
Dear Corrine,
I commend you for paying attention to what your kids are listening to. Whether or not it's annoying or whether or not it's really art (music) might make for an interesting debate. The the fact that you don't particularly care for it - or that you actively dislike it - doesn't make it wrong for your teen-agers to listen to.
Seeing your letter was a bit of deja vu for me ... because my own parents used to say the same things about rock music and heavy metal (i.e., "... the impact it's having ... some of it is satanic ... the lyrics"). They called it garbage. Of course their opinion had zero impact on my desire to listen to it.
The thing is that art of any kind is simply an expression of human emotion and passion. So the form of the art isn't as important as what it is expressing. Rock, rap, country or other forms of music aren't, as styles, morally right or wrong. But what they are expressing could be quite virtuous --- or quite evil.
I've heard of Christian rap, Christian rock and Christian country. There is Christian hip-hop. And I believe those are largely appropriate for Christians. They are art expressing love for Christ, godly living, and other forms of righteousness. At the same time, there is ungodly hip-hop, rap, rock and country music. The same forms of expression could very well be espousing heinous things, heresy and other forms of evil or rebellion against God.
So what's the difference? How do you tell? Quite simply you have to listen to the music. Take the time to get to know the lyrics to the songs your kids are listening to. Look at the artists your kids are favoring. And if you find something that doesn't line up with Scripture, that seems to violate Philippians 4:8 (i.e., "focus your minds on things that are excellent and worthy of praise) --- then you have a responsibility to educate and redirect your kids to something more appropriate.
You probably can't control what your kids listen to. This is especially true as they get older. But I remember when one of my daughters was a teen-ager and purchased a Ouija board with her babysitting money. Of course we had no problem with board games in general. But when this one came in the house, I saw that it didn't align with Philippians 4:8 and actually violated scripture. So I explained this all to my daughter, bought the game from her - and asked her to help me destroy it and put the remains in the trash bin.
You could consider similar approaches to music that you find is unfit for your kids. Treat them with respect. Don't generalize or trivialize. Justify your conclusion with Scripture ... show your kids where the music violates Scripture. Read Philippians 4:8 with your kids and discuss with them what kinds of music would be appropriate. And finally, pray for your kids. Ask God to give them wisdom and discernment to notice when evil is creeping into their lives. Ask God to remove ungodly desires from your kids.
And relax. You'll get through this.
We have teen-age children and they seem to be listening more and more to rap music. Besides the fact that I find some of it annoying (and hardly worthy of being called music), I wonder about the impact it could be having. I've heard that some of it is satanic, and I wonder about the lyrics. Should we be letting our kids listen to this kind of music? And if not, how do we get them to stop listening to it?
Corrine L. - Portland, OR
Dear Corrine,
I commend you for paying attention to what your kids are listening to. Whether or not it's annoying or whether or not it's really art (music) might make for an interesting debate. The the fact that you don't particularly care for it - or that you actively dislike it - doesn't make it wrong for your teen-agers to listen to.
Seeing your letter was a bit of deja vu for me ... because my own parents used to say the same things about rock music and heavy metal (i.e., "... the impact it's having ... some of it is satanic ... the lyrics"). They called it garbage. Of course their opinion had zero impact on my desire to listen to it.
The thing is that art of any kind is simply an expression of human emotion and passion. So the form of the art isn't as important as what it is expressing. Rock, rap, country or other forms of music aren't, as styles, morally right or wrong. But what they are expressing could be quite virtuous --- or quite evil.
I've heard of Christian rap, Christian rock and Christian country. There is Christian hip-hop. And I believe those are largely appropriate for Christians. They are art expressing love for Christ, godly living, and other forms of righteousness. At the same time, there is ungodly hip-hop, rap, rock and country music. The same forms of expression could very well be espousing heinous things, heresy and other forms of evil or rebellion against God.
So what's the difference? How do you tell? Quite simply you have to listen to the music. Take the time to get to know the lyrics to the songs your kids are listening to. Look at the artists your kids are favoring. And if you find something that doesn't line up with Scripture, that seems to violate Philippians 4:8 (i.e., "focus your minds on things that are excellent and worthy of praise) --- then you have a responsibility to educate and redirect your kids to something more appropriate.
You probably can't control what your kids listen to. This is especially true as they get older. But I remember when one of my daughters was a teen-ager and purchased a Ouija board with her babysitting money. Of course we had no problem with board games in general. But when this one came in the house, I saw that it didn't align with Philippians 4:8 and actually violated scripture. So I explained this all to my daughter, bought the game from her - and asked her to help me destroy it and put the remains in the trash bin.
You could consider similar approaches to music that you find is unfit for your kids. Treat them with respect. Don't generalize or trivialize. Justify your conclusion with Scripture ... show your kids where the music violates Scripture. Read Philippians 4:8 with your kids and discuss with them what kinds of music would be appropriate. And finally, pray for your kids. Ask God to give them wisdom and discernment to notice when evil is creeping into their lives. Ask God to remove ungodly desires from your kids.
And relax. You'll get through this.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Fully God & Human
Dear Victorious,
I hear preachers explain that Jesus Christ was both fully God and full man. Honestly, I cannot get my head around this. Is there an easier way to understand this?
Jeanne N. - Roswell, NM
Dear Jeanne,
I don't know if there's an easier way to understand the Trinity (Father, Son & Holy Spirit). But I like to think of it like this: God took the human form of Jesus Christ. He was able to do this because He is both a spiritual being and the creator of all things physical. So it was literally possible for Him to create a human life form and insert Himself into that form.
Don't beat yourself up for struggling to grasp this. Most people have to really think about it quite a bit to fully grasp it. In fact, the travesty is that more people don't wrestle with it. If more of us contemplated this reality, we might stand more in awe of this Holy God that we serve. What He did was perhaps the most spectacular thing mankind has ever seen. Yet I suspect even Christians take it for granted.
I hear preachers explain that Jesus Christ was both fully God and full man. Honestly, I cannot get my head around this. Is there an easier way to understand this?
Jeanne N. - Roswell, NM
Dear Jeanne,
I don't know if there's an easier way to understand the Trinity (Father, Son & Holy Spirit). But I like to think of it like this: God took the human form of Jesus Christ. He was able to do this because He is both a spiritual being and the creator of all things physical. So it was literally possible for Him to create a human life form and insert Himself into that form.
Don't beat yourself up for struggling to grasp this. Most people have to really think about it quite a bit to fully grasp it. In fact, the travesty is that more people don't wrestle with it. If more of us contemplated this reality, we might stand more in awe of this Holy God that we serve. What He did was perhaps the most spectacular thing mankind has ever seen. Yet I suspect even Christians take it for granted.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Trashing Obama
Dear Victorious,
I've been reading what seems to be an increasing number of things about President Obama that are negative. Some are very negative and downright mean. What do you think of this?
Sally O. - Lawrenceville, KS
Dear Sally,
I think it is mean. But let's face it, comedians have been using presidents as the butt of their jokes for decades. It seems to be part of our culture. So at some level, I expect this. Perhaps where Christians need to focus is on what is true of Mr. Obama. To say outrageous things - like he is a socialist or a Muslim - is clearly not appropriate. Those would be truths that only God (and time) could reveal. I don't believe either God or time have revealed them. So we shouldn't be speaking them.
He is our president. As Christ-followers we must understand that God Himself put this man in this position. So whether you agree with him, think he's evil or whatever ... we are each accountable to God for our response to this President. So it just boils down to one question: Would my response (to this president) be honoring of my God?
I've been reading what seems to be an increasing number of things about President Obama that are negative. Some are very negative and downright mean. What do you think of this?
Sally O. - Lawrenceville, KS
Dear Sally,
I think it is mean. But let's face it, comedians have been using presidents as the butt of their jokes for decades. It seems to be part of our culture. So at some level, I expect this. Perhaps where Christians need to focus is on what is true of Mr. Obama. To say outrageous things - like he is a socialist or a Muslim - is clearly not appropriate. Those would be truths that only God (and time) could reveal. I don't believe either God or time have revealed them. So we shouldn't be speaking them.
He is our president. As Christ-followers we must understand that God Himself put this man in this position. So whether you agree with him, think he's evil or whatever ... we are each accountable to God for our response to this President. So it just boils down to one question: Would my response (to this president) be honoring of my God?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Paying Taxes
Dear Victorious,
What do you think is the proper relationship between Christians and our government when it comes to paying taxes? I know the Bible says we are to "render unto Caesar that which belongs to Caesar." But it seems that government just spends and spends with no rationale. Does God really expect us to pay taxes when the government is so irresponsible?
Horace T. - Naperville, IL
Dear Horace,
You're citing Matthew 22:21, where Jesus basically tells His followers to pay their taxes - all of them, on time. That is what God expects us to do. God's will for you and I to pay our taxes is not dependent on the level of responsibility in our government ... or even how the money is spent for that matter. Not only do governments spend money irresponsibly, but sometimes they even spend it on things that are offensive (to our core beliefs). Still we do not have permission not to pay our taxes. That is clear.
So here's something for you to consider. Given that our government (here in the U.S.) is so irresponsible, and spends its way into unbelievable debt, is there a better response than simply paying your taxes? I'm not talking about withholding our taxes to try to force change --- that wouldn't be Biblical. But there is nothing that says we couldn't pay more taxes.
What if Christians everywhere started voluntarily sending money to the government? What if we gave our tax return back to the government ... to be applied to the national debt? What if we left, in our wills, the bulk of our estate to the U.S. government for whom we are all so grateful? What if we collectively and individually took ownership of the national debt?
We could repent corporately of our national sin (over being poor stewards) and start making amends to rectify the situation. We could stop taking government benefits when we don't need them. We could give excess to the government. We could demand that lobbyists stop porking up the bills that Congress passes.
Don't you suppose that if we did some of these things, America might end up with a more God-honoring government?
What do you think is the proper relationship between Christians and our government when it comes to paying taxes? I know the Bible says we are to "render unto Caesar that which belongs to Caesar." But it seems that government just spends and spends with no rationale. Does God really expect us to pay taxes when the government is so irresponsible?
Horace T. - Naperville, IL
Dear Horace,
You're citing Matthew 22:21, where Jesus basically tells His followers to pay their taxes - all of them, on time. That is what God expects us to do. God's will for you and I to pay our taxes is not dependent on the level of responsibility in our government ... or even how the money is spent for that matter. Not only do governments spend money irresponsibly, but sometimes they even spend it on things that are offensive (to our core beliefs). Still we do not have permission not to pay our taxes. That is clear.
So here's something for you to consider. Given that our government (here in the U.S.) is so irresponsible, and spends its way into unbelievable debt, is there a better response than simply paying your taxes? I'm not talking about withholding our taxes to try to force change --- that wouldn't be Biblical. But there is nothing that says we couldn't pay more taxes.
What if Christians everywhere started voluntarily sending money to the government? What if we gave our tax return back to the government ... to be applied to the national debt? What if we left, in our wills, the bulk of our estate to the U.S. government for whom we are all so grateful? What if we collectively and individually took ownership of the national debt?
We could repent corporately of our national sin (over being poor stewards) and start making amends to rectify the situation. We could stop taking government benefits when we don't need them. We could give excess to the government. We could demand that lobbyists stop porking up the bills that Congress passes.
Don't you suppose that if we did some of these things, America might end up with a more God-honoring government?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Obesity Sin
Dear Victorious,
Isn't is a sin to be obese? How can Christians be so cavalier about obesity then? I see many so-called Christians who are obese. Don't they realize the sin of gluttony?
Dan A. - Circleville, UT
Dear Dan,
It is not a sin to be obese. Rather obesity is the result or consequence of the sin. The sin is, as you point out, gluttony. It may also be selfishness or some other character defect. It could be ignorance (of good eating habits). It could be false beliefs. Obese people should not be condemned as sinners. Rather they should be prayed for and led to truth about their circumstances.
Isn't is a sin to be obese? How can Christians be so cavalier about obesity then? I see many so-called Christians who are obese. Don't they realize the sin of gluttony?
Dan A. - Circleville, UT
Dear Dan,
It is not a sin to be obese. Rather obesity is the result or consequence of the sin. The sin is, as you point out, gluttony. It may also be selfishness or some other character defect. It could be ignorance (of good eating habits). It could be false beliefs. Obese people should not be condemned as sinners. Rather they should be prayed for and led to truth about their circumstances.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Recognizing Heresy
Dear Victorious,
A friend and her husband have gone to a new church that is anything but right. They've ask us to visit the church with them. When we did, we were appalled at the heresy we found. The preaching is based on the pastor's feelings and points of view - instead of the Bible. The teaching isn't truthful. We've always considered these friends to be spiritually mature, knowledgeable Christians. But we are baffled over how they could be so deceived. It seems they never really were mature Christians in the first place, and maybe that was all just an act.
Mr. & Mrs. T. - Kirby, TX
Dear Mr. & Mrs. T.,
Don't be so hard on your friends. The Bible tell us that in the last days the very elect will be deceived. Jesus told us about this in Matthew 24:24. I particularly like the way The Message translation of the Bible puts it. "...lying preachers are going to pop up everywhere. Their impressive credentials and dazzling performances will pull the wool over the eyes of even those who ought to know better."
You could try to speak to your friends about your concerns. But pray through that and make sure you have God's leading to do even that. He is responsible for the results ... you are only responsible for the obedience. And if God does lead you to address your concerns with your friends, you can continue to pray for them. Pray that they will see the truth, that the Holy Spirit will show them the what's right and what's wrong.
Perhaps the greater question all of us should be considering is what we are to do about the fact that the very elect among us can be deceived.
A friend and her husband have gone to a new church that is anything but right. They've ask us to visit the church with them. When we did, we were appalled at the heresy we found. The preaching is based on the pastor's feelings and points of view - instead of the Bible. The teaching isn't truthful. We've always considered these friends to be spiritually mature, knowledgeable Christians. But we are baffled over how they could be so deceived. It seems they never really were mature Christians in the first place, and maybe that was all just an act.
Mr. & Mrs. T. - Kirby, TX
Dear Mr. & Mrs. T.,
Don't be so hard on your friends. The Bible tell us that in the last days the very elect will be deceived. Jesus told us about this in Matthew 24:24. I particularly like the way The Message translation of the Bible puts it. "...lying preachers are going to pop up everywhere. Their impressive credentials and dazzling performances will pull the wool over the eyes of even those who ought to know better."
You could try to speak to your friends about your concerns. But pray through that and make sure you have God's leading to do even that. He is responsible for the results ... you are only responsible for the obedience. And if God does lead you to address your concerns with your friends, you can continue to pray for them. Pray that they will see the truth, that the Holy Spirit will show them the what's right and what's wrong.
Perhaps the greater question all of us should be considering is what we are to do about the fact that the very elect among us can be deceived.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Difficult Boss
Dear Victorious,
I have a boss that is very difficult (and that's being kind). I could regale you with stories of his audacity and crassness. His reputation is unbelievable because his behavior is unreal. What can I do?
George P. - Jacksonville, FL
Dear George,
As a Christian, the most important thing you can do is to pray for your difficult boss. Do you love your boss? Are you obedient to your boss? Those would also be great things to do for your boss. But they are secondary to the prayer.
How do you pray for a difficult boss? Pray for God to draw him (or her) to Himself. Pray that God would soften their heart, help them to see the truth in the work circumstances. Pray that God will help you see your boss the same way He sees him (or her). And pray that God would lead you to honorable responses to your boss. Let your words, thoughts and actions be God-honoring. You see, these are the kinds of prayers that God loves to answer.
I have a boss that is very difficult (and that's being kind). I could regale you with stories of his audacity and crassness. His reputation is unbelievable because his behavior is unreal. What can I do?
George P. - Jacksonville, FL
Dear George,
As a Christian, the most important thing you can do is to pray for your difficult boss. Do you love your boss? Are you obedient to your boss? Those would also be great things to do for your boss. But they are secondary to the prayer.
How do you pray for a difficult boss? Pray for God to draw him (or her) to Himself. Pray that God would soften their heart, help them to see the truth in the work circumstances. Pray that God will help you see your boss the same way He sees him (or her). And pray that God would lead you to honorable responses to your boss. Let your words, thoughts and actions be God-honoring. You see, these are the kinds of prayers that God loves to answer.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Conflict
Dear Victorious,
It seems that God calls us to be in close relationships with one another. But those relationships are between very imperfect people and seem to lead to trouble. Many times I'm tempted to conclude that relationships are just not worth it! What is God's perspective on this? Why does He ask us to live in harmony with each other when He knows how challenging that can be?
Tiffany B. - Danville, KY
Dear Tiffany,
You raise a good point. But the most important aspect of this situation is that God does call us to be in close relationships with imperfect people - wretched sinners actually. Even more, He asks us to live in unity with those people. Of course, we are imperfect people - wretched sinners ourselves.
So let's get this straight. God tells sinful people to take their baggage, their issues, their sinful ways ... and go live in close relationship with each other. He tells us to live in unity with each other. Now here's the thing - God wouldn't ask us to do something that He hasn't equipped us for. So what's most important to remember is that even though relationships can be very challenging, God has given us everything that we need to manage and rise to those challenges.
If you're finding that relationships don't seem to be worth the effort, perhaps you should take a look at God's formula for successful relationships.
He tells us, in Matthew 22:39, to "love your neighbor as yourself." So imagine that you've got a wrong opinion, are self-centered and difficult to get along with. How would you want to be loved? That's precisely how you should love someone whom you find in that way.
Another part of God's formula for successful relationships. Read Ephesians, chapters 5 & 6 and notice what God has to say about submission. We are do it. We submit ourselves to God. We submit ourselves to each other. We need to study the definition of submission, and learn how to submit ourselves in every situation or circumstance. It is God's will for us in relationships with Him and with each other.
It has been my experience that when relationships are troubled, the love and submission are usually the core causes. This is true in marriages, in relationships between children and parents, in work relationships, in church relationships and in all other relationships. So when you find yourself in a relationship that seems harder than it should be or seems to be more trouble than it's worth, you can ask yourself two questions.
1. Am I loving this person exactly as I would like him or her to love me if I were them?
2. Am I submitting myself to both God and this other person?
It seems that God calls us to be in close relationships with one another. But those relationships are between very imperfect people and seem to lead to trouble. Many times I'm tempted to conclude that relationships are just not worth it! What is God's perspective on this? Why does He ask us to live in harmony with each other when He knows how challenging that can be?
Tiffany B. - Danville, KY
Dear Tiffany,
You raise a good point. But the most important aspect of this situation is that God does call us to be in close relationships with imperfect people - wretched sinners actually. Even more, He asks us to live in unity with those people. Of course, we are imperfect people - wretched sinners ourselves.
So let's get this straight. God tells sinful people to take their baggage, their issues, their sinful ways ... and go live in close relationship with each other. He tells us to live in unity with each other. Now here's the thing - God wouldn't ask us to do something that He hasn't equipped us for. So what's most important to remember is that even though relationships can be very challenging, God has given us everything that we need to manage and rise to those challenges.
If you're finding that relationships don't seem to be worth the effort, perhaps you should take a look at God's formula for successful relationships.
He tells us, in Matthew 22:39, to "love your neighbor as yourself." So imagine that you've got a wrong opinion, are self-centered and difficult to get along with. How would you want to be loved? That's precisely how you should love someone whom you find in that way.
Another part of God's formula for successful relationships. Read Ephesians, chapters 5 & 6 and notice what God has to say about submission. We are do it. We submit ourselves to God. We submit ourselves to each other. We need to study the definition of submission, and learn how to submit ourselves in every situation or circumstance. It is God's will for us in relationships with Him and with each other.
It has been my experience that when relationships are troubled, the love and submission are usually the core causes. This is true in marriages, in relationships between children and parents, in work relationships, in church relationships and in all other relationships. So when you find yourself in a relationship that seems harder than it should be or seems to be more trouble than it's worth, you can ask yourself two questions.
1. Am I loving this person exactly as I would like him or her to love me if I were them?
2. Am I submitting myself to both God and this other person?
Saturday, November 14, 2009
God's Perspective
Dear Victorious,
How can I go about understanding God's perspective on my circumstances?
Anil K. - Menlo Park, CA
Dear Anil,
Before I answer that, the answer to your question does not vary by the circumstances. Understanding God's perspective on your circumstances will not be done differently based on the circumstances.
First, read your Bible regularly. I mean really read it, understand what it says and know the material. The Bible gives us specific standards from God that can be applied to any circumstance. Additionally, the Bible has wonderful stories that are accounts of a wide variety of human experiences - circumstances - and how God saw things. This history has valuable perspective for us now.
Second, ask God each day to let you see with His eyes, hear with His ears and process your thinking with His mind ... instead of your own. Ask God to quiet your heart and mind, and give you the peaceful insight of His heart and mind. Finally, ask God to control your mouth - helping you to say only words that are truthful and honoring to Him.
How can I go about understanding God's perspective on my circumstances?
Anil K. - Menlo Park, CA
Dear Anil,
Before I answer that, the answer to your question does not vary by the circumstances. Understanding God's perspective on your circumstances will not be done differently based on the circumstances.
First, read your Bible regularly. I mean really read it, understand what it says and know the material. The Bible gives us specific standards from God that can be applied to any circumstance. Additionally, the Bible has wonderful stories that are accounts of a wide variety of human experiences - circumstances - and how God saw things. This history has valuable perspective for us now.
Second, ask God each day to let you see with His eyes, hear with His ears and process your thinking with His mind ... instead of your own. Ask God to quiet your heart and mind, and give you the peaceful insight of His heart and mind. Finally, ask God to control your mouth - helping you to say only words that are truthful and honoring to Him.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Constant Prayer
Dear Victorious,
I know the Bible says that we are to "pray without ceasing." Of course that is impossible in our modern culture. What do you think God realistically expects of us in this area?
Nathan C. - Flagstaff, AZ
Dear Nathan,
I don't agree that what the Bible tells us to do could be impossible in any culture. No matter how convincing the circumstances may be, God would tell us to do something that is impossible. Moreover, God would not lower His expectations of us to match the cultural challenges that we think we face. (We know these things because of the unchanging character and nature of God.)
So, what does God really expect of us in the area of "prayer without ceasing?" At least a whole sermon could be preached to answer this question. But I believe it we can boil it down to two lines of thinking.
First, God expects us to be willing to surrender each and every decision we make to His authority. He gives mankind free will. But as devoted slaves of Christ, He asks us to give up that free will. So I need to consider everything in the context of, "Do I have permission to do this." Or I might ask, "Lord, which way to you want me to go here?"
Second, God expects us to be so in touch with Him on a daily basis that we consider His perspective and have His influence on all of our thinking throughout the day. We acknowledge His presence, His power and His will in everything we do. And I don't mean just say it. Rather I need to praying, if only in my mind, even when I am in conversations with others - so that I have God's perspective on each situation throughout the day.
Praying without ceasing may seem like an impossible task. Truly it is not. We can stop, even in the most urgent of circumstances, and simply ask God what He sees or hears - and what He thinks of the situation or circumstance that we find ourselves dealing with.
I know the Bible says that we are to "pray without ceasing." Of course that is impossible in our modern culture. What do you think God realistically expects of us in this area?
Nathan C. - Flagstaff, AZ
Dear Nathan,
I don't agree that what the Bible tells us to do could be impossible in any culture. No matter how convincing the circumstances may be, God would tell us to do something that is impossible. Moreover, God would not lower His expectations of us to match the cultural challenges that we think we face. (We know these things because of the unchanging character and nature of God.)
So, what does God really expect of us in the area of "prayer without ceasing?" At least a whole sermon could be preached to answer this question. But I believe it we can boil it down to two lines of thinking.
First, God expects us to be willing to surrender each and every decision we make to His authority. He gives mankind free will. But as devoted slaves of Christ, He asks us to give up that free will. So I need to consider everything in the context of, "Do I have permission to do this." Or I might ask, "Lord, which way to you want me to go here?"
Second, God expects us to be so in touch with Him on a daily basis that we consider His perspective and have His influence on all of our thinking throughout the day. We acknowledge His presence, His power and His will in everything we do. And I don't mean just say it. Rather I need to praying, if only in my mind, even when I am in conversations with others - so that I have God's perspective on each situation throughout the day.
Praying without ceasing may seem like an impossible task. Truly it is not. We can stop, even in the most urgent of circumstances, and simply ask God what He sees or hears - and what He thinks of the situation or circumstance that we find ourselves dealing with.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Forgiven Divorce?
Dear Victorious,
I read your responses on marriage and divorce this week. So are you saying divorce isn't forgiven? Does God expect us to just tolerate anything our spouse wants to dish out? I can't believe in a God that would have such a ridiculous point of view!
Mark H. - Harrisburg, PA
Dear Mark,
No, that's now what I said at all. Certainly God can forgive a divorce. In fact, He may not even have to. I believe God would give someone permission to exit a marriage - where circumstances warrant it. (I've seen such a situation myself.) Mutual submission does not allow for abuse. So healthy boundaries are drawn in a marriage. If they are reasonable and not respected, then certainly action needs to be taken.
Again, we're getting caught up in the rules here. Marriage is not a rules-based game. It is a heart-based game. We cannot make decisions based on how awful one's spouse is or isn't. Rather decisions must be made based on God's will.
(Golly ... we are getting a lot of marriage discussion this week!)
I read your responses on marriage and divorce this week. So are you saying divorce isn't forgiven? Does God expect us to just tolerate anything our spouse wants to dish out? I can't believe in a God that would have such a ridiculous point of view!
Mark H. - Harrisburg, PA
Dear Mark,
No, that's now what I said at all. Certainly God can forgive a divorce. In fact, He may not even have to. I believe God would give someone permission to exit a marriage - where circumstances warrant it. (I've seen such a situation myself.) Mutual submission does not allow for abuse. So healthy boundaries are drawn in a marriage. If they are reasonable and not respected, then certainly action needs to be taken.
Again, we're getting caught up in the rules here. Marriage is not a rules-based game. It is a heart-based game. We cannot make decisions based on how awful one's spouse is or isn't. Rather decisions must be made based on God's will.
(Golly ... we are getting a lot of marriage discussion this week!)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Saving A Marriage
Dear Victorious,
I read your answer to Vivian (on Marriage Secrets) today and really don't agree. You seem to overlook the fact that a woman can kill herself sacrificing for the marriage - and get nothing in return. Take infidelity, for example. Even the Bible gives us grounds for divorce when one spouse has been unfaithful. I think your view on making a marriage work is naive.
Rhonda M. - Dearborn, MI
Dear Rhonda,
Of course you are entitled to your opinion - even if it is misinformed. And I think yours is. I am not naive about marriage. I've been divorced myself. And I am successfully married now for 25 years. So I've learned a thing or two about what makes marriages work or not work. Christ is the answer. Submission to God's will is the answer.
Your example of infidelity overlooks something big. While the Bible does allow divorce on the grounds of infidelity, it also allows forgiveness and restoration. Even if the marriage was never good in the first place, the Bible allows the partners to use the infidelity as the basis for mutual submission to God - and allowing the Holy Spirit to build a marriage that never really existed in the first place.
Quit looking for rules that justify doing what you want. I am aware that people are sinners and that not all good deeds are rewarded with good results. But every marriage I've ever known that really worked has had mutual submission to Christ's lordship as its basis. So I will stand my ground on this one. (But thanks for writing.)
I read your answer to Vivian (on Marriage Secrets) today and really don't agree. You seem to overlook the fact that a woman can kill herself sacrificing for the marriage - and get nothing in return. Take infidelity, for example. Even the Bible gives us grounds for divorce when one spouse has been unfaithful. I think your view on making a marriage work is naive.
Rhonda M. - Dearborn, MI
Dear Rhonda,
Of course you are entitled to your opinion - even if it is misinformed. And I think yours is. I am not naive about marriage. I've been divorced myself. And I am successfully married now for 25 years. So I've learned a thing or two about what makes marriages work or not work. Christ is the answer. Submission to God's will is the answer.
Your example of infidelity overlooks something big. While the Bible does allow divorce on the grounds of infidelity, it also allows forgiveness and restoration. Even if the marriage was never good in the first place, the Bible allows the partners to use the infidelity as the basis for mutual submission to God - and allowing the Holy Spirit to build a marriage that never really existed in the first place.
Quit looking for rules that justify doing what you want. I am aware that people are sinners and that not all good deeds are rewarded with good results. But every marriage I've ever known that really worked has had mutual submission to Christ's lordship as its basis. So I will stand my ground on this one. (But thanks for writing.)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Marriage Secrets
Dear Victorious,
I have been married a couple of years now, but it is really not working. What is the secret to a marriage that works?
Vivian A. - Appleton, WI
Dear Vivian,
I don't think there is a secret to marriages that work. It is a process that's grounded in commitment. Are you committed to this marriage and this person - more than you are committed to your own personal happiness and satisfaction? If there is a secret to marriages which work ... that would be it.
I'm not being flippant with you. But marriage is conversion of sacrifice by both parties. Ephesians 5:22-33 is an often quoted Scripture reference for successful marriages. And it is indeed relevant to what you're asking. But look at the rest of that chapter and notice what else it has to say about how we live.
These aren't the kind of Bible verses you'll see engraved on a plate and sold at the local Christian book store. But they are the kind of Bible verses that make life work.
The whole concept of "falling in love" is man-made. It is not of God. It is not Biblical. Nowhere in the Bible does it say to find someone, "fall in love," and marry them. But the Bible does say we are to choose wisely, be equally yoked ... with one who shares our submission to Christ, and to submit to and sacrifice for our chosen spouse --- for life.
The secret to making your marriage work is most likely found within the intent of your heart. (And the same is true for your husband.)
I have been married a couple of years now, but it is really not working. What is the secret to a marriage that works?
Vivian A. - Appleton, WI
Dear Vivian,
I don't think there is a secret to marriages that work. It is a process that's grounded in commitment. Are you committed to this marriage and this person - more than you are committed to your own personal happiness and satisfaction? If there is a secret to marriages which work ... that would be it.
I'm not being flippant with you. But marriage is conversion of sacrifice by both parties. Ephesians 5:22-33 is an often quoted Scripture reference for successful marriages. And it is indeed relevant to what you're asking. But look at the rest of that chapter and notice what else it has to say about how we live.
These aren't the kind of Bible verses you'll see engraved on a plate and sold at the local Christian book store. But they are the kind of Bible verses that make life work.
The whole concept of "falling in love" is man-made. It is not of God. It is not Biblical. Nowhere in the Bible does it say to find someone, "fall in love," and marry them. But the Bible does say we are to choose wisely, be equally yoked ... with one who shares our submission to Christ, and to submit to and sacrifice for our chosen spouse --- for life.
The secret to making your marriage work is most likely found within the intent of your heart. (And the same is true for your husband.)
Monday, November 9, 2009
Hearing God
Dear Victorious,
I often hear Christians saying that God spoke to them about this or that. I've never found that God speaks to me. I've always just assumed that some people are more religious than others, or that God speaks to all of us differently. But lately I've begun to wonder if this is correct. Is it right that God would speak so clearly to some - and be silent with others?
Vernon L. - Sparks, NV
Dear Vernon,
No, it isn't right. God is not silent. He has much to say. In fact, in these troubled times, it could be argued that we need to hear from God now more than ever before in the history of mankind. I hear people say that God doesn't speak to them. Some of them are people whom I dearly love. As I have prayed for those people, God has taken me to a Scripture reference. Let me share it with you.
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, ... (Jeremiah 29:13-14)
What does this mean? It means that when we are seeking God with all of our heart, our soul, our mind and our time, He will be found. He will be heard. Let's be clear that God has much to say to all of us about our lifestyles, about our love styles and much more. But He is not found in the elaborate, sensational spiritual highs. He is found in the quiet whispers - of reading your Bible, of prayer, and even of fellowship with other Christ-followers.
When someone doesn't believe God speaks to them, they either need to pursue Him more - or they are discounting (i.e., not liking) what He is saying to them.
I often hear Christians saying that God spoke to them about this or that. I've never found that God speaks to me. I've always just assumed that some people are more religious than others, or that God speaks to all of us differently. But lately I've begun to wonder if this is correct. Is it right that God would speak so clearly to some - and be silent with others?
Vernon L. - Sparks, NV
Dear Vernon,
No, it isn't right. God is not silent. He has much to say. In fact, in these troubled times, it could be argued that we need to hear from God now more than ever before in the history of mankind. I hear people say that God doesn't speak to them. Some of them are people whom I dearly love. As I have prayed for those people, God has taken me to a Scripture reference. Let me share it with you.
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, ... (Jeremiah 29:13-14)
What does this mean? It means that when we are seeking God with all of our heart, our soul, our mind and our time, He will be found. He will be heard. Let's be clear that God has much to say to all of us about our lifestyles, about our love styles and much more. But He is not found in the elaborate, sensational spiritual highs. He is found in the quiet whispers - of reading your Bible, of prayer, and even of fellowship with other Christ-followers.
When someone doesn't believe God speaks to them, they either need to pursue Him more - or they are discounting (i.e., not liking) what He is saying to them.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Chaz Bono
Dear Victorious,
I read that Chastity Bono, daughter of Cher and the late Sonny Bono, is having a sex change to become a man. She will now be known as "Chaz." What do you think of this? What would a Christian response be in such a situation?
Keith H. - Littleton, CO
Dear Keith,
I think it's very sad, a tragic case of deception and flawed thinking. The Christian response would be to love her and pray for her - without condemning her. She is obviously believing lies about herself. We can only hope - and pray - that one day she will hear truth and believe truth instead.
I read that Chastity Bono, daughter of Cher and the late Sonny Bono, is having a sex change to become a man. She will now be known as "Chaz." What do you think of this? What would a Christian response be in such a situation?
Keith H. - Littleton, CO
Dear Keith,
I think it's very sad, a tragic case of deception and flawed thinking. The Christian response would be to love her and pray for her - without condemning her. She is obviously believing lies about herself. We can only hope - and pray - that one day she will hear truth and believe truth instead.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Ft. Hood Shootings
Dear Victorious,
How can we find hope in the face of things like the tragic shootings at Fort Hood this week?
Darlene Y. - Clinton, MS
Dear Darlene,
At the risk of sounding flippant, it's really quite simple. We find hope in the midst of any tragic circumstances by looking for it in the right places. Hope isn't found in any circumstances ... good or bad. The only hope that's possible in any circumstances would be false hope. We must look to God Himself as our only source of hope. And when we find our hope in Him, then we are not buffeted or persuaded by the circumstances around us.
How can we find hope in the face of things like the tragic shootings at Fort Hood this week?
Darlene Y. - Clinton, MS
Dear Darlene,
At the risk of sounding flippant, it's really quite simple. We find hope in the midst of any tragic circumstances by looking for it in the right places. Hope isn't found in any circumstances ... good or bad. The only hope that's possible in any circumstances would be false hope. We must look to God Himself as our only source of hope. And when we find our hope in Him, then we are not buffeted or persuaded by the circumstances around us.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Emergent Church?
Dear Victorious,
What do you think of the emergent church movement? Should I be attending an emergent church?
J.C. - Pine Bluff, AR
Dear J.C.,
Wikipedia.com describes the emergent church as "a movement .... that crosses a number of theological boundaries." It further says that, "Proponents of this movement call it a "conversation" to emphasize its developing and decentralized nature, its vast range of standpoints and its commitment to dialogue."
I think this alone is sufficient information to tell Christians that we are on shaky ground, thin ice and in danger of true heresy (false religion).
The nature of the true Christian church is not developing or emerging. The church is not built on modern ideas or thinking - but rather on spiritual heritage given to us by Jesus Christ, the early apostles and the prophets of the Christian church. It is centuries old. There is nothing to talk about.
So, no, you should definitely not be attending an "emergent church." Any church that describes itself that way should be a huge red flag for a true Christ-follower. This is because they haven't decided who or what to follow yet. They are literally making it up as they go. Moreover, you should be on the lookout for churches that maybe don't describe themselves as emergent, but act like it anyway. Emergent or not, any church that is making it up as they go represents a false religion that true Christ-followers will have no part of.
What do you think of the emergent church movement? Should I be attending an emergent church?
J.C. - Pine Bluff, AR
Dear J.C.,
Wikipedia.com describes the emergent church as "a movement .... that crosses a number of theological boundaries." It further says that, "Proponents of this movement call it a "conversation" to emphasize its developing and decentralized nature, its vast range of standpoints and its commitment to dialogue."
I think this alone is sufficient information to tell Christians that we are on shaky ground, thin ice and in danger of true heresy (false religion).
The nature of the true Christian church is not developing or emerging. The church is not built on modern ideas or thinking - but rather on spiritual heritage given to us by Jesus Christ, the early apostles and the prophets of the Christian church. It is centuries old. There is nothing to talk about.
So, no, you should definitely not be attending an "emergent church." Any church that describes itself that way should be a huge red flag for a true Christ-follower. This is because they haven't decided who or what to follow yet. They are literally making it up as they go. Moreover, you should be on the lookout for churches that maybe don't describe themselves as emergent, but act like it anyway. Emergent or not, any church that is making it up as they go represents a false religion that true Christ-followers will have no part of.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thanksgiving
Dear Victorious,
Sometimes Thanksgiving seems so hollow and empty. What can I do to make Thanksgiving more meaningful?
Roland C. - Sulphur Springs, TX
Dear Roland,
You can pray and ask God to give you a grateful heart. You can stop making it about you and turn the focus to loving and serving others. For what are you truly thankful? Whom can you love and serve? The answers to those two questions are where you'll find meaning and joy in the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.
Sometimes Thanksgiving seems so hollow and empty. What can I do to make Thanksgiving more meaningful?
Roland C. - Sulphur Springs, TX
Dear Roland,
You can pray and ask God to give you a grateful heart. You can stop making it about you and turn the focus to loving and serving others. For what are you truly thankful? Whom can you love and serve? The answers to those two questions are where you'll find meaning and joy in the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Allowable Foods
Dear Victorious,
Are there any foods that Christians should not eat?
Marsha A. - Wheaton, IL
Dear Marsha,
The New Testament says that we can eat anything that grows on earth. But, food or drink or other substances becomes a wrong when it abuses our body, harms us or becomes a "false god" to us. So even baking cookies - if done so at the expense of other things God wants for you - can be wrong. And that is the operative difference - can become wrong. There are no foods that Christians should not eat, unless they are eaten for the wrong reasons or take an improper context in our lives.
Are there any foods that Christians should not eat?
Marsha A. - Wheaton, IL
Dear Marsha,
The New Testament says that we can eat anything that grows on earth. But, food or drink or other substances becomes a wrong when it abuses our body, harms us or becomes a "false god" to us. So even baking cookies - if done so at the expense of other things God wants for you - can be wrong. And that is the operative difference - can become wrong. There are no foods that Christians should not eat, unless they are eaten for the wrong reasons or take an improper context in our lives.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Equally Yoked
Dear Victorious,
I read the letter (and your answer) from Pedro last week about being equally yoked. Honestly, I don't understand what the big deal is. There are many good and virtuous people out there who are not Christians. Why can't I just be yoked to one of them?
Hank V. - Atlanta, GA
Dear Hank,
Because it would be impossible to be submitted to God (as defined by the Trinity of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and be in a union with someone who isn't.
I read the letter (and your answer) from Pedro last week about being equally yoked. Honestly, I don't understand what the big deal is. There are many good and virtuous people out there who are not Christians. Why can't I just be yoked to one of them?
Hank V. - Atlanta, GA
Dear Hank,
Because it would be impossible to be submitted to God (as defined by the Trinity of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and be in a union with someone who isn't.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Spending Wealth
Dear Victorious,
Isn't it enough to tithe 10% of our income and simply enjoy the rest for ourselves? My husband and I have a very good income. Some would even say we're rich. But somehow when we spend money on our selves we feel guilty about it. We tithe faithfully, but it seems that we can get no peace with our finances. Isn't obedience enough for God?
Jenny Lynn - Topeka, KS
Dear Jenny,
Yes, obedience is enough for God. But it sounds as if you've defined obedience way too narrowly. Yes, obedience means giving God the tithe (i.e., the first 10% of our income). But at the same time, obedience requires that we be faithful in the other things God has asked of us. For starters, He told us to love our neighbor as we would want to be loved. If I had a lot of money and you had a genuine need - I'm reasonably certain you would want me to love you by meeting that need. So in that case, simply spending my money on myself may not fit within the definition of obedience.
If God has met your needs and you still have excess, you are not always free to just spend it on yourself or your family. You really must begin to see it all as God's money and ask Him what He wants you to do with that. It is not a sin to have and enjoy nice things. But it is a sin to do so at the exclusion of other purposes God may have had in giving you that wealth.
My guess is that the reason you have no peace with your finances is that the Holy Spirit is trying to convict you of something. You'll get no peace with your finances until they are in God's control.
Isn't it enough to tithe 10% of our income and simply enjoy the rest for ourselves? My husband and I have a very good income. Some would even say we're rich. But somehow when we spend money on our selves we feel guilty about it. We tithe faithfully, but it seems that we can get no peace with our finances. Isn't obedience enough for God?
Jenny Lynn - Topeka, KS
Dear Jenny,
Yes, obedience is enough for God. But it sounds as if you've defined obedience way too narrowly. Yes, obedience means giving God the tithe (i.e., the first 10% of our income). But at the same time, obedience requires that we be faithful in the other things God has asked of us. For starters, He told us to love our neighbor as we would want to be loved. If I had a lot of money and you had a genuine need - I'm reasonably certain you would want me to love you by meeting that need. So in that case, simply spending my money on myself may not fit within the definition of obedience.
If God has met your needs and you still have excess, you are not always free to just spend it on yourself or your family. You really must begin to see it all as God's money and ask Him what He wants you to do with that. It is not a sin to have and enjoy nice things. But it is a sin to do so at the exclusion of other purposes God may have had in giving you that wealth.
My guess is that the reason you have no peace with your finances is that the Holy Spirit is trying to convict you of something. You'll get no peace with your finances until they are in God's control.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Raising Children
Dear Victorious,
I saw something on Facebook recently about what it might be like if Jesus had been a parent in His humanity. What kind of parent might Jesus have been?
Carla W. - Tomball, TX
Dear Carla,
I suspect that Jesus would not have looked all that differently than the godly parents we see now in society. It is clear that His highest priority would be to love and affirm the child. But it is also clear that an equally important priority of Jesus' parenting would have been to teach His children the ways of the Lord. I think the biggest difference we might have seen in Jesus' parenting is that He would have taken responsibility for leading His children into a personal relationship with God.
I saw something on Facebook recently about what it might be like if Jesus had been a parent in His humanity. What kind of parent might Jesus have been?
Carla W. - Tomball, TX
Dear Carla,
I suspect that Jesus would not have looked all that differently than the godly parents we see now in society. It is clear that His highest priority would be to love and affirm the child. But it is also clear that an equally important priority of Jesus' parenting would have been to teach His children the ways of the Lord. I think the biggest difference we might have seen in Jesus' parenting is that He would have taken responsibility for leading His children into a personal relationship with God.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Church Mistakes
Dear Victorious,
I'm in seminary and plan to be a church pastor for my lifelong profession. What mistakes do churches typically make that I should be aware of if I'm going to be successful as a pastor?
Gerald R. - Dallas, TX
Dear Gerald,
There are lots of mistakes that churches make. What are the biggest or the most important is maybe the better way to ask that question. But before I answer it, I have a question for you. How do you define being "successful as a pastor?"
The answer to that question is where I think most pastors get it wrong. Pastors are called to tend sheep - not attract large numbers of them. Pastors are called to grow sheep - not entertain or satisfy them. Pastors are called to lead and love sheep - not to write books or build a career as a motivational speaker.
So what are the most serious (and common) mistakes that churches (and their leaders) make? Here are just a few that come to mind.
1. Not loving the sheep. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. So you can be a really great preacher - but if you're not also a really great lover, your sermons will just be noise. (Of course to love someone means to be in relationship with them.)
2. Focusing on the numbers. Large numbers of people can be the result of the spiritual growth in a church. But they are not the measure of spiritual growth in a church. Indeed some of the most spiritually immature churches can also be the largest.
3. Expecting the people in the church to "take responsibility" for their own spiritual growth. Sheep cannot teach themselves. They cannot clean themselves. They can actually do precious little for themselves. They must be very intentionally led and cared for.
4. Not spending enough time in prayer. Jesus Christ is the head of the church. Pastors are called to speak for Him and to do His work. It is impossible to serve that agenda if you are not constantly focused on that agenda (Christ's will). Too often churches have meetings to talk about problems or set goals and objectives. But the most important of such meetings is the one we have with God.
5. Focusing on the money. Too often we think that if the church is not in financial distress that everything is okay. Fiscal stability is not the measure of a healthy church. In fact, some of the most wealthy churches can also be some of the most lame and ineffective.
You can see that this list is robust. I could probably go on, but these are some of the most common and important (mistakes of churches) that come to mind.
I'm in seminary and plan to be a church pastor for my lifelong profession. What mistakes do churches typically make that I should be aware of if I'm going to be successful as a pastor?
Gerald R. - Dallas, TX
Dear Gerald,
There are lots of mistakes that churches make. What are the biggest or the most important is maybe the better way to ask that question. But before I answer it, I have a question for you. How do you define being "successful as a pastor?"
The answer to that question is where I think most pastors get it wrong. Pastors are called to tend sheep - not attract large numbers of them. Pastors are called to grow sheep - not entertain or satisfy them. Pastors are called to lead and love sheep - not to write books or build a career as a motivational speaker.
So what are the most serious (and common) mistakes that churches (and their leaders) make? Here are just a few that come to mind.
1. Not loving the sheep. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. So you can be a really great preacher - but if you're not also a really great lover, your sermons will just be noise. (Of course to love someone means to be in relationship with them.)
2. Focusing on the numbers. Large numbers of people can be the result of the spiritual growth in a church. But they are not the measure of spiritual growth in a church. Indeed some of the most spiritually immature churches can also be the largest.
3. Expecting the people in the church to "take responsibility" for their own spiritual growth. Sheep cannot teach themselves. They cannot clean themselves. They can actually do precious little for themselves. They must be very intentionally led and cared for.
4. Not spending enough time in prayer. Jesus Christ is the head of the church. Pastors are called to speak for Him and to do His work. It is impossible to serve that agenda if you are not constantly focused on that agenda (Christ's will). Too often churches have meetings to talk about problems or set goals and objectives. But the most important of such meetings is the one we have with God.
5. Focusing on the money. Too often we think that if the church is not in financial distress that everything is okay. Fiscal stability is not the measure of a healthy church. In fact, some of the most wealthy churches can also be some of the most lame and ineffective.
You can see that this list is robust. I could probably go on, but these are some of the most common and important (mistakes of churches) that come to mind.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Bible Study
Dear Victorious,
I know we are supposed to study our Bibles daily. But I just cannot seem to stick to that. I've tried the reading plans and lots of other gimmicks, but nothing works. How do you develop that discipline in your life?
Terry B. - Prosper, TX
Dear Terry,
You won't develop the discipline until you develop the value proposition. In other words, you have to want to read you Bible. And you won't want to read it until you come to the belief that there is something of value in there for you.
So how do you come to that sort of belief? I started with a good daily devotional. I particularly like Oswald Chambers or A.W. Tozer (authors) devotionals. Pick them up at your local Christian book store or search for their daily devotionals at any on-line book store. Then commit to reading just one page per day. Get an ink pen when you read that page - and look for something to underline that speaks to you, represents your thinking, challenges you, etc. My guess is you'll find something to underline every single day. (I did.)
After a year or so of using daily devotionals, I was really into that and kind of disappointed when I finished the one I was using. By then it was a daily habit, so I moved up to my Bible. Commit to reading just one chapter a day, in anything that you'll read. (Proverbs is an easy place to start.) Again, get an ink pen and look for something to underline each day that speaks to you, challenges you, comforts or encourages you, etc. Again, my guess is you'll find something every day.
Why the underlining? Because what we're looking for and marking are the value propositions. As you learn how and make a habit of finding them, you will find the desire to read your Bible daily will grow. Eventually, with enough value propositions, you'll feel as if you're missing out when you don't read you Bible. That's because you'll know deep inside that it has something in there for you!
I know we are supposed to study our Bibles daily. But I just cannot seem to stick to that. I've tried the reading plans and lots of other gimmicks, but nothing works. How do you develop that discipline in your life?
Terry B. - Prosper, TX
Dear Terry,
You won't develop the discipline until you develop the value proposition. In other words, you have to want to read you Bible. And you won't want to read it until you come to the belief that there is something of value in there for you.
So how do you come to that sort of belief? I started with a good daily devotional. I particularly like Oswald Chambers or A.W. Tozer (authors) devotionals. Pick them up at your local Christian book store or search for their daily devotionals at any on-line book store. Then commit to reading just one page per day. Get an ink pen when you read that page - and look for something to underline that speaks to you, represents your thinking, challenges you, etc. My guess is you'll find something to underline every single day. (I did.)
After a year or so of using daily devotionals, I was really into that and kind of disappointed when I finished the one I was using. By then it was a daily habit, so I moved up to my Bible. Commit to reading just one chapter a day, in anything that you'll read. (Proverbs is an easy place to start.) Again, get an ink pen and look for something to underline each day that speaks to you, challenges you, comforts or encourages you, etc. Again, my guess is you'll find something every day.
Why the underlining? Because what we're looking for and marking are the value propositions. As you learn how and make a habit of finding them, you will find the desire to read your Bible daily will grow. Eventually, with enough value propositions, you'll feel as if you're missing out when you don't read you Bible. That's because you'll know deep inside that it has something in there for you!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Prioritizing Life
Dear Victorious,
I have never been diagnosed with ADD (attention deficit disorder), but I seem to constantly be challenged by distractions and never able to accomplish what I need to accomplish. Is it possible that this could be a problem with spiritual roots?
Reggie A. - Hartford, CT
Dear Reggie,
Of course it could have spiritual roots. There are two places to look for them.
First, are you truly seeking God's will for your life on a day-to-day basis? Are you looking for God's will and then trying to follow it as you make plans, make decisions and respond to opportunities? (If you are, then you're not responsible for the results - only your obedience.)
Second, are you conscious of the ongoing battle between the urgent and the important. What's important will always be challenged by what's urgent, what's interesting, etc. So it's a conflict that you have to be intentional about managing. If you aren't conscious of the conflict, or aren't intentionally managing it, then the urgent always wins.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God. Seek Him first. Give Him first priority in all your ways. And then be on the lookout for the urgent and the interesting to try and sidetrack you. (They always will.)
I have never been diagnosed with ADD (attention deficit disorder), but I seem to constantly be challenged by distractions and never able to accomplish what I need to accomplish. Is it possible that this could be a problem with spiritual roots?
Reggie A. - Hartford, CT
Dear Reggie,
Of course it could have spiritual roots. There are two places to look for them.
First, are you truly seeking God's will for your life on a day-to-day basis? Are you looking for God's will and then trying to follow it as you make plans, make decisions and respond to opportunities? (If you are, then you're not responsible for the results - only your obedience.)
Second, are you conscious of the ongoing battle between the urgent and the important. What's important will always be challenged by what's urgent, what's interesting, etc. So it's a conflict that you have to be intentional about managing. If you aren't conscious of the conflict, or aren't intentionally managing it, then the urgent always wins.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God. Seek Him first. Give Him first priority in all your ways. And then be on the lookout for the urgent and the interesting to try and sidetrack you. (They always will.)
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