Saving A Marriage

Dear Victorious,

I read your answer to Vivian (on Marriage Secrets) today and really don't agree. You seem to overlook the fact that a woman can kill herself sacrificing for the marriage - and get nothing in return. Take infidelity, for example. Even the Bible gives us grounds for divorce when one spouse has been unfaithful. I think your view on making a marriage work is naive.

Rhonda M. - Dearborn, MI

Dear Rhonda,

Of course you are entitled to your opinion - even if it is misinformed. And I think yours is. I am not naive about marriage. I've been divorced myself. And I am successfully married now for 25 years. So I've learned a thing or two about what makes marriages work or not work. Christ is the answer. Submission to God's will is the answer.

Your example of infidelity overlooks something big. While the Bible does allow divorce on the grounds of infidelity, it also allows forgiveness and restoration. Even if the marriage was never good in the first place, the Bible allows the partners to use the infidelity as the basis for mutual submission to God - and allowing the Holy Spirit to build a marriage that never really existed in the first place.

Quit looking for rules that justify doing what you want. I am aware that people are sinners and that not all good deeds are rewarded with good results. But every marriage I've ever known that really worked has had mutual submission to Christ's lordship as its basis. So I will stand my ground on this one. (But thanks for writing.)