BP Oil Disaster

Dear Victorious,

The BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is perhaps one of the most sobering issues we've faced in a very long time. Somehow it feels worse than other calamities. Is it?

Devlin R. - Warren, OH

Dear Devlin,

No, I don't think it's any worse than other calamities we've seen, such as earthquakes or volcanoes. It feels worse though, because of two factors.

The first factor is that it's out-of-control. We can't seem to stop it - so the damage continues on. At least with an earthquake or hurricane, the damage is over fairly quickly and mankind can start recovering. With this situation, recovery won't really ever be able to start until the damage stops happening.

The second factor is that we don't know how extensive the damage could be. At least in theory, the oil could reach the shores of the eastern U.S. coast - or even drift to other countries. What would happen if the ocean dies? Are the dispersants they're dumping into the ocean safe ... or are they creating another ecological disaster? These are serious unknowns. Again, in other disasters, we can usually assess the damage because its extent can be known.

To be sure, the BP oil disaster in the U.S. Gulf is something that the entire nature should be in prayer about. But perhaps the dimension of it that should most turn us to prayer is the fact that we don't know how to stop it and we don't know how damaging it can or will be.

Sex Life

Dear Victorious,

We've been married for 30 years now, and our sex life is all but dead. I don't really understand why either. I've taken care of myself and look good for my age. For that matter, so has my husband. He just doesn't seem interested in sex any more. Is this just how it is in mature marriages? What should we do?

Vickie D. - Lawton, OK

Dear Vickie,

I don't think this is "just how it is" in mature marriages? But consider this: the Bible never says that a couple are to be sexually active. In fact, it merely says that we are to be fruitful and multiply. Beyond that, there is no prescription for how sexually active a married couple should be (or for how long).

Now most people would consider an active sex life to be a normal part of a healthy marriage. On the other hand, there are many marriages that are healthy without an active sex life.

My advice to you would be to examine your motives. Stop concluding that the absence of an active sex life is an indication of a problem. Are you and your husband satisfied with where things are (or aren't) in that regard? What you should do is lay your sex life and your expectations at the foot of the cross. Ask in prayer what God's will for you might be in this regard. Expect Him to lead you to contentment with your circumstances --- or to lead you to different circumstances.

Certainly, you can force a sex life. A true Christ-follower will find no Biblical basis for doing so though. Instead, seek Him first.

Biblical Insurance

Dear Victorious,

Talk to me about insurance. Aren't Christians supposed to trust God to take care of them? Isn't buying insurance then just a form of not trusting God?

Harry L. - Montauk, NY

Dear Harry,

That may sound logical, but it's not accurate. There are several different types of insurance to buy. But the most common are:

1. Auto Insurance (including liability and uninsured motorists)
2. Property Insurance (home and contents, renters' insurance, etc.)
3. Health Insurance (pays medical bills, provides income in disability, etc.)
4. Life Insurance (pays survivors if you die)

Of course there are other types of insurance, such as long term care insurance, extended warranties, trip cancellation, etc. But let's focus on the four (4) I've listed above, as they are the most common and the most expensive.

The Bible doesn't specifically require insurance, nor does it specifically prohibit it. But, Proverbs 27:12 tells us that, "The prudent see danger and take refuge ..." What this means is that prudent people understand the risks associated with everyday living and take precautions to mitigate those risks. So I think that's the first place to start when wondering if insurance is Biblical. Insurance is a legal, God-honoring way to mitigate known risks in life. Put another way, God wants to take care of your needs --- and He may well use insurance to do so.

But there are other Biblical principles that can be applied to certain types of insurance. Two specifically come to mind.

The first is the law of "loving others as you would like to be loved." (Matthew 24:39, Mark 12:31) Look at this one in the context of two real-life scenarios. You become sick or injured and must be hospitalized for expensive treatment. This happens all too often. With adequate insurance, you are making sure that those who treat you and provide for your medical care will be paid for their services.

Or, imagine that another motorist crashes into your car and hasn't the insurance or the money to make the situation right for you. You have the insurance to cover your losses, you forgive him and you move on. (This could also come under the Biblical principle of loving your enemies and forgiving those who offend you.)

The second Biblical principal is to obey the laws of the land. (Romans 13:1-7) Most states now have laws requiring you to have certain levels of automobile and related insurance. Similarly, federal laws require mortgaged real estate to be insured. So that's reason enough to do it, from a Biblical perspective.

I could go on, citing other Biblical principals, but hopefully you get the point. Buying certain types of insurance is a good, God-honoring thing to do. Not buying silly insurance and shopping around for the best deal are also God-honoring ways to approach it. Make sure you're adequately covered in the key areas of risk in life. And make sure the coverage is the most godly coverage you can find. It's Biblical!

Sex Questions

Dear Readers,

I've received several letters lately regarding sexuality in some form or fashion. I'm trying to space these out so as to not overload the blog with sex talk. I'm happy to talk frankly about sexual matters, but want to keep the blog balanced for the benefit of everyone.

So if you've got questions about human sexuality, bring 'em on. Just be patient with me to get them answered in a timely manner.

Victorious

Job Hunting

Dear Victorious,

I'm unemployed and looking for a job. I've prayed and prayed and frankly am getting tired of praying for a job. What am I doing wrong?

Norma A. - Rockford, IL

Dear Norma,

You've not given me enough information to even speculate as to what - if anything - you might be doing wrong. But when you are searching for a job, a home, a spouse or whatever, it's important to take the right approach.

For instance, maybe you're praying for a job - when you should be praying for God's provision. What exactly are you praying for? And what answer to that prayer are you really expecting? Would you be willing, for example, to be unemployed for a season if that pleases God? If you knew that God wanted to use your period of unemployment to accomplish some part of His will --- would that be okay with you?

Many of us get frustrated when God doesn't meet our expectations. The the challenge we really face is to find contentment in the circumstances that God gives us.

Be Fruitful & Multiply

Dear Victorious,

I know that God told Adam and Eve to "be fruitful and multiply." But what about the global population explosion? What about the fact that we're depleting the earth's resources? What about the starving people whom we already can't take care of? Isn't this Biblical mandate outdated now?

Tawney Z. - Atlanta, GA

Dear Tawney,

No, the Biblical mandate is still valid. While it's popular to think of the world as being overcrowded, it's really not. There are vast stretches of the earth that aren't populated. Here are a couple of important facts to consider:

1. If the entire population of the world were relocated to one place, it would create a metropolitan area the size of Texas. The rest of the world would be empty.

2. There is currently more than enough food in the world to feed everyone. In fact, much of the food being produced in the world today is wasted. The problem is that the food isn't in the right place at the right time, etc.

As Christians, we have to remember that God knows what He's doing. He is our provision in life. And if He told us to be fruitful and multiply, He had a plan. He knows how well we'll do that and He's totally capable (and willing) to provide for all of earth's population. T

hat anyone starves or doesn't have clean drinking water or a place to live is not a matter of God not providing or the earth not being capable. Rather it is a matter of sin - where those who have fail to care for those who have not.

Rude People

Dear Victorious,

I know the Bible tells us to love our enemies, turn the other cheek, forgive seventy times seven and all that. But what about rude people? I'm talking about people who are blatantly offensive and know it - but don't care. What are we to do with them?

Danielle M. - Martins Ferry, OH

Dear Danielle,

You may not like this answer, but we're to treat rude people the same as we'd treat anyone else. That doesn't mean we have to be a door mat and allow them to continue to offend us. Loving someone as you would like to be loved, forgiving them seventy times seven, showing them grace and all that other virtuous stuff are not mutually exclusive with drawing firm boundaries. So you can, for example, speak the truth in love to such people. You can draw firm boundaries and inform them of the offense ... as well as your intent not to continue allowing them to offend you. You can love someone without spending time with them. In other words, we can ask people to live up to our own standards for living. If they refuse, then we are under no obligation to share our time with them. One way I like to think of this is to imagine myself saying to them, "My love for you is unconditional ... but my time is not."

Sexy Preacher

Dear Victorious,

Is it okay for preachers to be sexy?

Nyssa B. - Altamonte Springs, FL

Dear Nyssa,

Yes. Why do you ask? I mean, in what context are you putting the notion of sexiness? Typically we describe someone as being sexy when someone of the opposite sex finds them attractive. It's fine for preachers to be attractive. It's even fine for their parishioners of the opposite sex to admire them and appreciate their attractiveness.

Where it crosses the line is when the sexy preacher starts behaving in ungodly ways - such as flirting. Or when the parishioners being to lust after the preacher, and move from finding him (or her) attractive to entertaining sexual fantasies that include the preacher.

So in the proper context, sexy preachers are just fine.

Worthy of Praise

Dear Victorious,

I read your blog and remember you mentioning in the past the admonition of Philippians 4:8 to focus on "things that are excellent and worthy of praise." What's a good way to determine what those things are?

Harry U. - Conshohocken, PA

Dear Harry,

Certainly there is! The simplest way I can think of would be to imagine Jesus physically present. If He were in bodily form in the room with you, would you listen to this music, watch that TV show, read this book, look at that web site or read that magazine? Would you take Jesus with you to that concert, play, comedy club or bar? If not then you probably shouldn't be doing it now. Philippians 4:8 is a perfect time to use the bumper-sticker-analogy "WWJD?" (What Would Jesus Do?) Simply put, if Jesus wouldn't do it, watch it, listen to it, read it, go there, etc. ... then why would a Christ-follower want to?

Sex Talk

Dear Victorious,

When should a teen-ager be talked to about sex? I mean, at what age and how much information should he or she be given?

Deidra V. - Murfreesboro, TN

Dear Deidra,

Certainly you're going to tell a very young child some very basics about sexuality - such as male and female getting together, female giving birth, etc. This could start as soon as the child is old enough to understand the differences between male and female. But a more in-depth - or frank and candid - talk is probably not going to be appropriate until the child is entering the teen years. When the child is entering puberty - and beginning to experience sexual urges and desires of their own - they are definitely old enough to be given all of the information in graphic (but respectful and God-honoring) detail.

On-Line Church

Dear Victorious,

My sister-in-law claims to be a member of a church where she lives. But she only "attends" it's on-line services. She goes to a web site, watches worship and preaching, and sometimes gives on-line with a credit card. Apparently she believes this is "going to church." What do you think?

Mary N. - Cape Girardeau, MO

Dear Mary,

If that is what your sister thinks - or rationalizes - I believe she is sadly mistaken. The biblical mandate is not just to be exposed to worship and teaching regularly. Rather we are instructed to (1) gather together, (2) worship together, (3) be taught together, (4) submit to spiritual authorities together, (5 ) pray together and (6) serve one another. Attending an on-line service scratches the surface of a few of these, but it certainly doesn't do them well and completely misses the rest.

On-line church, church on TV, teaching on the radio, podcasts, and other forms of media church are never going to be acceptable replacements for being there in person.

Defeat Pornography

Dear Victorious,

Do you think there will ever be a way to defeat pornography in this world?

Nancy A. - Newport Beach, CA

Dear Nancy,

If, by defeat, you mean eradicate, then no - I don't think there will ever be a way. We may be able to draw some boundaries on pornography, limit its influence or prevalence. But as long as mankind has a sinful nature, I don't believe we can ever eradicate the forms of sin that nature pursues. Christ returning will be the only end of pornography as we know it today.

Blessing of Pets

Dear Victorious,

My wife wants to take our cat to the church to "have it blessed." She says she knows this has been done before, because she's seen church signs advertising the blessing of pets. I think this is nonsense. It's not biblical, is it?

Howard C. - Jacksonville, FL

Dear Howard,

Your wife probably has seen such signage before. It's a tradition in several Christian denominations to "bless the pets." Basically it's a specific church service, usually held in the fall, that is intended to be a spiritual celebration to honor the pets. The animals are honored, prayed over and even sprinkled with holy water. Many think this tradition was started with St. Francis of Assisi - who was evidently a lover of pets.

Personally, having a "spiritual celebration to honor" pets --- who aren't spiritual, seems like nonsense to me. But it apparently ministers to the pet owners, who feel much better about it. I suspect it's tantamount to a baby dedication service, as many people feel toward their pets as one might feel toward one's child.

You're right in that this blessing of the pets is not biblical. There is no biblical basis for the keeping of pets either. But if you need a reason to go along with your wife's plan - it can just be to honor your wife, by going along with something that makes her feel good.

Proof of God

Dear Victorious,

How do we know there is God? I mean, what evidence has been found to substantiate the claim that God even exists? We always hear people talk about believing or not believing. Wouldn't the evidence mandate one or the other?

Dirk R. - Landover Hills, MD

Dear Dirk,

Many books have been written to substantiate God. Two that come to mind are Evidence That Demands A Verdict (Josh McDowell) and The Case for Christ (Lee Strobel). Both books take the approach that history, if it can be confirmed, is a reliable source of evidence. So they walk through the verifiable history that points to the existence of God and to the fact that Jesus is who He said He is.

I believe there is an inherent evidence though, that is much stronger than anything that's ever been written. Since the beginning of time, people have worshipped gods. They have always believed that there was a higher power. Many would argue that this is something we all need to believe. In other words, many think we were created with this innate need to believe there is a higher power. (Count me among them that think this.)

Then too is the fact that things have been created and that cycles in nature exist. And I'm not just talking about annual cycles like spring and winter and summer. Other cycles, like the ice age, the age of dinosaurs and things like that all point to some grand master plan (and planner) that orchestrates all of it. While I might accept that some things could be coincidence and just occur by chance ... I could never accept that all those coincidences fit together so perfectly. Sure one would have collided with the other over several million years. Yet they never have. To me, this is the most compelling evidence of God that mankind will ever get.

Finally, there are those who experience God. For them, there is no chance of not believing. Once you've experienced God for yourself, there is no evidence required. In fact, evidence of God seems silly and moot.

So back to your question: Wouldn't the evidence itself dictate a belief one way or the other? I don't think it does. People have always had the ability to believe things that are not true - or not believe things that are true. Apparently we don't base our belief systems on actual evidence as much as we do on experience and circumstances.

Socialism, Etc.

Dear Victorious,

Can you tell me what's so bad about socialism, communism and other forms of government that seem to be demonized? I hear people blaming President Obama, for example, of being a socialist. So what if he is? How do we conclude that socialism is a bad thing? What form of government does God want us to have?

Nathaniel R. - Clear Lake City, TX

Dear Nathaniel,

Of course you can look up the definitions of socialism, communism or other forms of government. But I think the reasons why people demonize them have more to do with our perceptions of what they are (or aren't) than anything. Of course, those perceptions may or may not be based on reality. In fact, they may be more based on our observations of circumstances (i.e., how those models have been applied elsewhere).

For example, all of the models of communism that we've seen applied in modern times have basically put the governments in charge (control) of everything. By giving the governments all the control, the people have lost an excessive amount of freedoms - such as freedom of religion or freedom of political persuasion.

For example, all of the models of socialism that we've seen applied in modern times have made people too dependent on governments for their basic survival. In turn, they have made governments too large and unmanageable.

Of course, these other models are all perceived as threats to capitalism and democracy ... which are two ideals that many Americans hold fast too. We apparently believe that anything which isn't capitalism or democracy are bad ... because we perceived those model to be the very best.

Ironically, if you go back to the Old Testament, we can see that God's ideal for our form of government is none of the models that we currently consider. God wanted His people to submit Him alone. (You might call that a theocracy.)

Church Attendance

Dear Victorious,

My brother refuses to attend church. We were raised in a church, and are all believers. He had an unpleasant experience with a church many years ago, and since then has simply refused to attend any church. He claims he doesn't need to go to church to believe in God. How can I persuade him to change his view? We need him to be in church!

Cynthia F. - Springfield, MO

Dear Cynthia,

I could have written your same letter. I too have siblings who seem to have this point of view (and don't attend church). There are many things that could be said. But the first question I would have is whether or not your brother is sincerely interested in having an intelligent conversation about this. If he's not, then you'd be wasting your breath to try and talk to him.

On the other hand, if he's willing to have a serious discussion about church attendance, then you'd owe it to yourself to be informed. You cannot argue from your feelings. You must have an informed position. Let's look at some basics.

First, just because someone is a believer doesn't make them a Christ-follower. Even Satan and his demons believe in God. And just because they say they're a Christian doesn't mean that they are.

Secondly, anyone who claims to be a Christian but makes a decision to not attend any church is most likely relying on their own understanding of the Scriptures. In other words, it's probably not occurred to them that God may have a position on church attendance. So they haven't sought the truth in God's Word. They just made a decision based on their (uninformed) understanding or presumption of what God's Word might say.

The only way to counter such poor decisions is with God's Word. Scripture references abound about the significance of church attendance. I'd start with Hebrews 10:25, which simply says we are not to neglect our church meetings. Said differently, as Christ-followers, we don't have permission to miss church!

After that, I would take someone to the numerous Scriptures that speak to the reasons why God would not want us to miss church. (And they are many.) Those reasons include, but are not limited to, the following:

1. Being one body, of one accord and one purpose, to serve and honor God.
2. Learning together and from each other, about God and His ways.
3. Serving each other, and serving those outside the church.
4. Acquiring intimate, God-honoring relationships with other believers.
5. Having the benefit of prayer and counsel from other believers.
6. Worshipping God with greater consistency and intensity together.
7. Getting help making and keeping God the highest priority in life.

And these are just a few of the reasons why someone should make regular church attendance a priority in their life. Here is a link to an excellent summary on the importance of church attendance: http://www.gospelway.com/church/attendance-unity.php.

Look up some of these Scripture passages that it refers to, and be prepared to share them with your brother ... when he is ready to listen. In the meantime, get informed and prepared yourself, and spend serious time on your knees in prayer for your brother and his family. Specifically ask God to soften his heart and open his mind. Ask God to give you the opportunity to speak to your brother about this, and to arrange the perfect time and place.

Sexual Addiction

Dear Victor,

I've been hearing about sexual addiction in the media lately. Frankly, it sounds suspiciously like a justification for bad behavior. The fact is that sex has been a problem for centuries. What's the truth behind what people refer to today as sexual addiction?

Jerrilynn R. - Thunder Bay, ON

Dear Jerrilynn,

I think there are legitimate reasons to believe in the actual addiction of anyone to anything that changes the way they feel. We speak of addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, relationships, TV, Internet gaming and many other things. In that context, sexual addiction looks as legitimate as any of the other things that people supposedly get addicted to.

Like all other addictions, sexual addiction has as its core a spiritual hole that we try to fill with something ungodly. It was meant to be filled by God. Moreover, this core is rooted in character defects - which manifest themselves as sin in the addiction process. So, for example, someone who is addicted to shopping will find that greed (at a minimum) lies beneath that addiction. Other sins may lie under it as well. Perhaps a false belief that material things can make you feel better or actually make you be better would be one of them.

Wikipedia, the on-line encyclopedia, has a good post on sexual addiction. The first paragraph really portrays the controversy. (See it at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_addiction.) But like any other addiction, I would caution you to separate the sin from the sinner. People who struggle with an addiction should be treated with compassion - and encouraged to engage in the spiritual war that's going on inside of them.

Mental Illness

Dear Victorious,

Is mental illness really a human problem that's appropriate to treat with human methods? Or is it a spiritual problem that requires spiritual treatment?

Dana I. - Tampa, FL

Dear Dana,

That's a difficult question to answer. Quite frankly, I'm sure we could find strong arguments in both camps. I believe it can't always be definitively one and not the other.

In my experience, learning and observation, I have come to the conclusion that much of what we call mental illness has a spiritual dimension. I've seen people with depression, addictions, compulsions, anxiety and other so-called mental illnesses walk free when their spiritual condition was addressed (through Jesus Christ). In some cases, I've seen people walk away from prescription medications as well.

But that's not to say that all people can overcome mental illness with spiritual treatment. Surely there are physiological causes of some mental illnesses. Chemical imbalances, brain injuries, and other causes are quite real and shouldn't be disregarded.

My advice would be to pray for discernment and trust the Lord to lead you in addressing what presents itself as mental illness. You may find that therapy or medication are good tools, but that Jesus Christ is the ultimate solution. And my guess is that much of what we treat as mental illness today could be better addressed with both the human tools and the intervention of Jesus Christ.

Biblical Leaders

Dear Victorious,

Of all the leaders in the Bible, who do you think represents the greatest qualities of what we could aspire to in modern day leadership?

Ian D. - Coventry, England

Dear Ian,

It's hard for me to narrow it down to one. The various leaders who are exposed in the Bible all demonstrate some very significant qualities. At the same time, many of them possess those same, significant qualities. I'm particularly drawn to two key qualities of leadership.

First, leaders who trust God and do a good job of staying consistently connected to Him are exemplary. It's perhaps the strongest quality of a leader. Second, leaders who own their brokenness stand out. They are the ones who know who they are --- and who they aren't. (Perhaps that motivates them to stay connected to God!)

In the Old Testament, King David appears to exhibit these qualities the best. In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul appears to be the best example of those same qualities. Mind you, there are other leaders who exhibit these qualities. But these two are my favorites.

Most people would say that Jesus is the best Biblical example of leadership. I don't agree - because Jesus didn't have any brokenness to own. Granted, Jesus certainly knew who He was and wasn't. But there's a sense of humility that comes with owning up to one's own sinful nature that I believe strengthens human leadership. In fact, it's paramount to successful human leadership. (So I look to those leaders who weren't fully God at the same time that they were fully human.)

Your Intent

Dear Victorious,

Why do you do this? I mean, why do you answer these letters? Are you hoping to become the Ann Landers of the Christian world?

Damon B. - Jackson, MS

Dear Damon,

That's a good question. I started writing a blog, and over time started to get emails from people in response to that blog. As time went on, the emails had nothing to do with anything I had blogged about. People were asking me questions of their own - asking for my perspective on their situations or circumstances. Being the polite guy that I am, I was answering those questions too.

One day I decided to share the questions and answers with the public. When I did that, to my surprise, the questions increased. Today I can share at least one question a day. There are enough of them.

So where is this going? What's my intent? I'm not sure I have any real intent. Similarly, I don't really know where it's going. Perhaps I will become famous with this. Or perhaps the questions will stop coming and the blog itself will shut down. To be honest, I most often expect the latter - and not the former.

Church Shopping

Dear Victorious,

My husband and I are looking for a church near our home (we just moved). Do you have any suggestions on how we should go about evaluating and picking a new church?

Kylie T. - Rockford, IL

Dear Kylie,

For starters, don't be distracted by the things you like. I mean, pay no attention to the cappuccino bar, contemporary band, or even the brochures in the church lobby. Instead, look for a church that best lives out the principles that are identified in the New Testament. There's an excellent blog on the subject of New Testament churches. You may want to read it to get an idea of what I'm talking about. (See http://bible.org/seriespage/what-new-testament-church.)

Once you establish that this is a relevant church - in that its people actually live a Christ-centered life, then you simply have to ask yourself if this is a church you can commit to. Will you go? Will you serve? Will you submit? Christians are called to be in intimate community with other Christians. They are called to serve others in that community. And they are called to submit to the spiritual authority God has placed over that community. Will you do that here? If so, then this is probably the right church for you!

Distastrous Signs

Dear Victor,

It seems like the world is just filled with dismal news. Earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, volcano eruptions, catastrophic oil spills and of course wars and fighting, corruption, etc. Really, what are Christians supposed to do with this stuff?

Cindee R. - Belton, TX

Dear Cindee,

The book of Revelation is clear that we should expect these things - with an increasing frequency - as it gets closer to the time of Christ's return. So the first thing Christians should do is to not be surprised. The second thing we should do is to take comfort in the fact that we have a Savior and can walk through these situations with God's "peace that transcends understanding." The third thing we should do is have confidence that the leading of the Holy Spirit is sufficient to get us through these circumstances - responding in ways that honor God and reflect who we are in Him. And finally, the fourth thing that Christ-followers must do is wade into these messy situations without fear, intending to show the love of Christ to those who are directly suffering as a result of these calamities.

Poor People

Dear Victorious,

Why does God allow poverty? Isn't He supposed to love everyone equally?

T. J. - London, U.K.

Dear T.J.,

No, God isn't supposed to love everyone equally ... if you define love by how someone blesses someone else. God never promised that His blessings on us would be equal, or even fair. He has always said they would be just.

In both the Old and New Testament, the Bible tells us that there will always be the poor among us. Why? Because there will always be the selfish, the greedy, the thoughtless and the uncaring among us.

God has a plan for the poor people. The rest of us are supposed to take care of them. That we don't is why they remain trapped in desperate circumstances. It is also why we have come to view poverty as a terrible lot in life. Consider if the rest of us would actually take care of the poor - their plight wouldn't be desperate.

Drinking Wine

Dear Victorious,

Is it okay for Christians to drink wine? I think the Bible is confusing on this subject.

Mauri T. - Parsippany, NJ

Dear Mauri,

There are arguments for and against, and they're both backed by Scripture references. For me, the best place to see this in what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 9 & 10. Here Paul lays out some criteria for making such decisions. Specifically look at 1 Corinthians 9:23-24. In a nutshell, wine is permissible, but it may not be beneficial or constructive.

Put another way, you have to consider the context. Is it addictive for you? Can you drink it in moderation? Could your drinking it mislead or tempt someone who isn't as strong or spiritually mature as you? Does it help or hurt your own witness for Christ?

These are the kinds of questions that must be asked and answered before a Christian should drink wine. And frankly, the answer could be different based on the individual. It may be okay for one Christian to drink wine, but not for another Christian.

Foreign Language

Dear Victorious,

I have friends who speak Spanish – and I don’t. From time to time they start a conversation in Spanish. This is so annoying because of course I don’t know what they’re saying. Sometimes I wonder if they’re talking about me! I’ve asked them to stop doing this – and only speak English when they’re with me. I’ve told them it makes me uncomfortable and I feel awkward. But they tell me I’m paranoid and keep doing it. What can I do to make them stop?

Nancy R. – Houston, TX

Dear Nancy,

You can’t do anything to make them stop. But you can realize why they’re doing it in the first place. When people have a common language amongst them entire group, but a subset of that groups shares another language, they only revert to that minority language because they intentionally want to exclude you from the conversation. The thing is, they don’t want you to participate in that conversation. Moreover, they don’t want you to know what that conversation is about. If they did, they could easily have it in your language.

You can make one more plea – and try to help them understand that they’re intentionally excluding you from a conversation – and that, at a minimum, this is rude. But don’t be surprised if they continue to do it. And when they do, you have a choice to make. You can forgive them for this repeated transgression against you, or you can get different friends. How much are they worth to you?

President Antichrist?

Dear Victor,

A guy I work with says that President Obama is quite possibly the Antichrist of the Biblical end times. Is there any chance that this is true?

Amy C. - Colleyville, TX

Dear Amy,

Goodness no! There is no chance - based on the Bible's description of the Antichrist - that President Obama is the Antichrist. For starters, too much is known about him and his background. Then too, he really hasn't been that deceptive. When people are deceived by the Antichrist, they won't realize it. There's a difference between deception and betrayal.

It's common to demonize people whom we don't agree with. Good Christians don't get sucked into that kind of foolishness though.

Tiger Woods

Dear Victorious,

What do you think of Tiger Woods' marriage? Is divorce inevitable? Is there a lesson in situations like this that the rest of us could learn?

Marilyn T. - Ocala, FL

Dear Marilyn,

I'm not sure what I think of Tiger Woods' marriage. To be fair, I simply don't have sufficient information with which to develop an informed opinion. I suspect that is true for everyone else as well.

What we do know about Tiger Woods and his marriage is that he's a broken man and that his brokenness appears to have deeply wounded his wife. The question is whether or not this man is sincerely repentant or not. Based on what we know today, that seems uncertain. Another question is whether this woman's heart is so wounded, so hardened towards him, that she will not consider the possibility of forgiving him. In my opinion both things would be required in order for them to salvage their marriage.

Perhaps the lesson in situations like this (public marriage failures) that we can all learn is that marriages are fragile, that sin has deep consequences (which most of us under estimate), and that sometimes the wounds are so deep that there is no turning back. Our hearts can become so hardened by the pain that sin inflicts that forgiveness is outside the realm of possibilities. When it gets to that point, divorce does seem inevitable - despite the fact that it's never the only option.