Sex Life

Dear Victorious,

We've been married for 30 years now, and our sex life is all but dead. I don't really understand why either. I've taken care of myself and look good for my age. For that matter, so has my husband. He just doesn't seem interested in sex any more. Is this just how it is in mature marriages? What should we do?

Vickie D. - Lawton, OK

Dear Vickie,

I don't think this is "just how it is" in mature marriages? But consider this: the Bible never says that a couple are to be sexually active. In fact, it merely says that we are to be fruitful and multiply. Beyond that, there is no prescription for how sexually active a married couple should be (or for how long).

Now most people would consider an active sex life to be a normal part of a healthy marriage. On the other hand, there are many marriages that are healthy without an active sex life.

My advice to you would be to examine your motives. Stop concluding that the absence of an active sex life is an indication of a problem. Are you and your husband satisfied with where things are (or aren't) in that regard? What you should do is lay your sex life and your expectations at the foot of the cross. Ask in prayer what God's will for you might be in this regard. Expect Him to lead you to contentment with your circumstances --- or to lead you to different circumstances.

Certainly, you can force a sex life. A true Christ-follower will find no Biblical basis for doing so though. Instead, seek Him first.