Conflict

Dear Victorious,

It seems that God calls us to be in close relationships with one another. But those relationships are between very imperfect people and seem to lead to trouble. Many times I'm tempted to conclude that relationships are just not worth it! What is God's perspective on this? Why does He ask us to live in harmony with each other when He knows how challenging that can be?

Tiffany B. - Danville, KY

Dear Tiffany,

You raise a good point. But the most important aspect of this situation is that God does call us to be in close relationships with imperfect people - wretched sinners actually. Even more, He asks us to live in unity with those people. Of course, we are imperfect people - wretched sinners ourselves.

So let's get this straight. God tells sinful people to take their baggage, their issues, their sinful ways ... and go live in close relationship with each other. He tells us to live in unity with each other. Now here's the thing - God wouldn't ask us to do something that He hasn't equipped us for. So what's most important to remember is that even though relationships can be very challenging, God has given us everything that we need to manage and rise to those challenges.

If you're finding that relationships don't seem to be worth the effort, perhaps you should take a look at God's formula for successful relationships.

He tells us, in Matthew 22:39, to "love your neighbor as yourself." So imagine that you've got a wrong opinion, are self-centered and difficult to get along with. How would you want to be loved? That's precisely how you should love someone whom you find in that way.

Another part of God's formula for successful relationships. Read Ephesians, chapters 5 & 6 and notice what God has to say about submission. We are do it. We submit ourselves to God. We submit ourselves to each other. We need to study the definition of submission, and learn how to submit ourselves in every situation or circumstance. It is God's will for us in relationships with Him and with each other.

It has been my experience that when relationships are troubled, the love and submission are usually the core causes. This is true in marriages, in relationships between children and parents, in work relationships, in church relationships and in all other relationships. So when you find yourself in a relationship that seems harder than it should be or seems to be more trouble than it's worth, you can ask yourself two questions.

1. Am I loving this person exactly as I would like him or her to love me if I were them?
2. Am I submitting myself to both God and this other person?