Family Holidays

Dear Victorious,

The holidays are coming and I definitely don't enjoy them. I'm from a rather close-knit family and they insist that we all be together over the holidays. The thing is, I don't like these people. They're petty. They're conniving. They gossip about each other behind each other's backs. Sometimes they can be downright vicious. I don't want to spend holidays with these people, but get pressured into it every single year. Help!

Dora Lynn - Amherst, MA

Dear Dora,

Based on how you speak in your letter, I gather you are an adult and live on your own. (If you're an adult and don't live on your own - that would be your first problem.) But assuming you're not dependent on these people for financial support, you are under no obligation to spend any time with them. Make other plans and don't apologize. Tell them it's time you start some new traditions. Of course they'll try to guilt you into doing what they want. But here's the thing about that: no one can make you do something you don't want to ... and that includes feel bad.

So are you ready to stop letting these people manipulate you? That is really the only question that needs to be answered here. And I'm afraid you'll have to answer it!