Trust's Foundation

Dear Victorious,

I've been told that I have "trust issues," whatever that means. I have quite a lot of friends, but don't seem as close to them as my wife thinks I should. Moreover, when it comes down to it, I probably don't really trust any of them like I should. How exactly does one develop trust?

Ethan M. - New Orleans, LA

Dear Ethan,

Trust and relationship are not the same thing. You can have trust without relationship - but you cannot have relationship without trust.

Relationships have no particular motive. They occur when people invest time in each other and spend time together or no particular reason. When you come to know someone deeply, you develop a set of beliefs about them. And it is upon those beliefs that trust is built.

On the other hand, trust can occur without the relationship - because beliefs are possible without relationship. You go to a doctor for example. You may not even know the doctor, but you trust him (or her) to care for you. That trust is based on a set of beliefs about the medical system, the medical facility, the licensing process, the educational process, and other such things.

From a Christian perspective, I can trust someone I don't know who wouldn't seem to have worldly credentials (such as a doctor) simply because God tells me to. In other words, I have fundamental beliefs about who God is and how God works in my life. It is upon those beliefs that my trust in others around me stands.