Tenacity's Virtue

Dear Victorious,

I've always been a tenacious individual, who works hard and stays focused. My mother-in-law of about 10 years recently told me she's not sure I should consider this a virtue. When I asked her what she meant by that, all she will say is that it's possible for someone to be tenacious to a fault. What does this mean?

Mary L. - Germantown, TN

Dear Mary,

What it means is that focus and perseverance are good traits when they have the right motive and a worthy cause. But if they are selfish or for personal gain or control, for example, then not so much. In fact, what some consider tenacity might also be viewed as stubbornness. This occurs when tenacity gets out of its proper context. Manipulative, controlling people often consider themselves to simply be tenacious and strong-willed. They are surprised to learn that others don't see that in such a positive light.

Perhaps your mother-in-law is suggesting that you evaluate your motives and/or your methods. It's possible she thinks you could back off a bit, or that you're fighting for causes that aren't worth it. The notion of picking our battles is also worth considering here. Being tenacious, firm, stubborn or whatever you want to call it can often come at the expense of relationships. Getting something done or done a certain way may not be worth the relationships that we damage or even sacrifice in the process.