Broken Relationships

Dear Victorious,

I have a friend who I've been friends with for years. Last summer something happened (it's a long story) that caused some friction between us. Since then, our friendship seems to have drifted off. I miss her, but I don't know what to do about it. I mean, there's no way to fix this. She started it, as I recall. But I probably said some things I shouldn't have as well. How can you restore a friendship that's been damaged like this?

Carolyn - Appleton, WI

Dear Carolyn,

I'd recommend you look at 1 Corinthians 13, which defines love. Then think about how that could be applied to the situation between you and your friend. After praying about it, you can set up a meeting with her. Make it a meeting specifically about this relationship. Don't be casual about it. Rather be purposeful.

When you get the meeting, you start by saying something like, "Look, I asked for this meeting to talk about our relationship. The thing is, I don't feel as close to you as I used to. I know I have some responsibility for that, and I'm here to apologize for my part in the conflict that we seem to have gotten into. Will you forgive me?" She doesn't have to apologize. You forgive her without waiting for her to apologize.

You have to get to the point where you say to yourself, "I'd rather be reconciled than be right." And essentially, that's what you want your friend to know ... that nothing is worth your friendship. You love her too much to let anything like this come between you. Tell her how much you love her.

Now going into this, remember one thing - you can't control your friend's response. She may or may not be ready to forgive you for your part in this. She may or may not be ready to resume the relationship. But you be ready. And if she says she need some time or something, be willing to give her that. Let her know you'll be waiting, praying and ready to love on her when she's ready. In other words, don't go into this with any agenda other than to clean up your side of the street.