Boundaries

Dear Victorious,

Why do people have such a hard time drawing boundaries with others? We seem to enable other people's bad behaviors and then end up feeling put upon or resenting them - when we could have drawn firmer boundaries and prevented whatever it is that they did to us. Why don't we?

Abby T. - Salem, OR

Dear Abby,

I suspect the reason is that we aren't willing to pay the price. Boundaries can be expensive. They can cost us in different currencies - such as convenience, relationships, and so forth. If, for example, you draw and enforce effective boundaries with a loved one, you may become estranged from that loved one. Some people would look at a cost like that and decide that it's not worth it.

Many of us would agree that it's hard to know where and when to set boundaries with others. An even greater number though would probably agree that it's even more difficult to set the boundaries. That is simply because we don't want to pay that price. If we could figure out a way to set and keep effective boundaries without it costing us anything, we'd have no trouble setting them!