Dear Victorious,
What are the greatest secrets of the Bible?
Susanna R. - Kerrville, TX
Dear Susanna,
All of the Bible is a secret. The Holy Spirit reveals those secrets and gives understanding of them to God's people as they seek Him. The greatest of the secrets are those that are revealed to only the most mature of people. I consider those to Jesus' successful life. If, for example, you read Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, in Matthew 5, 6 & 7, you will find what I'd consider to be the most important "secrets" of the Bible. But they're really just the wisdom of Christ. If followed, they have magical, supernatural powers to effect our lives for good.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Denominational Differences
Dear Victorious,
When you are shopping for a new church, what's the best way to think about the denominational differences? Which denominations are the most accurate?
Stanley - Kansas City, KS
Dear Stanley,
I don't focus on denominational differences. God isn't of any particular denomination. And to some degree, I believe they are all wrong. That we even have denominations is an indication of conflict in the original New Testament church that Jesus started. If there had been no sin and no disagreements, there would be no denominations.
Don't focus on the differences in the denominations. They're all wrong. Instead, look for a church, regardless of what denomination it is, that is Bible-based. Look for basic beliefs (like Christ being the Messiah and God being all powerful). And look for churches that function as communities that reflect the love of Jesus Christ.
If you try to sort out which denominations are best, you'll drive yourself crazy and never get to a perfect answer!
When you are shopping for a new church, what's the best way to think about the denominational differences? Which denominations are the most accurate?
Stanley - Kansas City, KS
Dear Stanley,
I don't focus on denominational differences. God isn't of any particular denomination. And to some degree, I believe they are all wrong. That we even have denominations is an indication of conflict in the original New Testament church that Jesus started. If there had been no sin and no disagreements, there would be no denominations.
Don't focus on the differences in the denominations. They're all wrong. Instead, look for a church, regardless of what denomination it is, that is Bible-based. Look for basic beliefs (like Christ being the Messiah and God being all powerful). And look for churches that function as communities that reflect the love of Jesus Christ.
If you try to sort out which denominations are best, you'll drive yourself crazy and never get to a perfect answer!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Jesus' Priorities
Dear Victorious,
If Jesus were to return to earth today, what do you think He'd do first? What would His priorities be?
Luther E. - Scottsdale, AZ
Dear Luther,
The Bible tells us what Jesus will do when He returns and in some order. (Read the book of Revelation). The first thing He will do is to account for His people. His arrival will be announced and His people will respond. That's first. After that, He will begin dealing with evil in this world (i.e., removing it). Quite honestly, that's about as much detail as I think I would ever need --- because those are the priorities I think Jesus should have when He returns to earth!
If Jesus were to return to earth today, what do you think He'd do first? What would His priorities be?
Luther E. - Scottsdale, AZ
Dear Luther,
The Bible tells us what Jesus will do when He returns and in some order. (Read the book of Revelation). The first thing He will do is to account for His people. His arrival will be announced and His people will respond. That's first. After that, He will begin dealing with evil in this world (i.e., removing it). Quite honestly, that's about as much detail as I think I would ever need --- because those are the priorities I think Jesus should have when He returns to earth!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Homosexuality
Dear Victorious,
Does God hate fags?
Ted G. - Scranton, PA
Dear Ted,
No, He does not. God made men and women to complement each other. It was His plan for our lives ... that we pair up as mates. Moreover, it was His plan for procreation. At the same time, God forbids homosexual behavior as sinful and unrighteous. It has no place in the life of a Christ follower.
But God does not hate people who engage in homosexual behavior. He just hates that behavior and condemns it as sin that will be judged one day. How will God judge homosexual behavior? None of us really knows how God will judge any of our sins. There's strong indication in the Bible that it won't be judged any worse than any other (forgivable) sins though.
People who have homosexual thoughts and feelings are being tempted to engage in homosexual behaviors. They are to resist that temptation, even flee it. God's grace is sufficient to strengthen them for the fight against that temptation. The greatest travesty of our times is when society tells them to give in to it, accept it and allow it to define them.
Does God hate fags?
Ted G. - Scranton, PA
Dear Ted,
No, He does not. God made men and women to complement each other. It was His plan for our lives ... that we pair up as mates. Moreover, it was His plan for procreation. At the same time, God forbids homosexual behavior as sinful and unrighteous. It has no place in the life of a Christ follower.
But God does not hate people who engage in homosexual behavior. He just hates that behavior and condemns it as sin that will be judged one day. How will God judge homosexual behavior? None of us really knows how God will judge any of our sins. There's strong indication in the Bible that it won't be judged any worse than any other (forgivable) sins though.
People who have homosexual thoughts and feelings are being tempted to engage in homosexual behaviors. They are to resist that temptation, even flee it. God's grace is sufficient to strengthen them for the fight against that temptation. The greatest travesty of our times is when society tells them to give in to it, accept it and allow it to define them.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Masturbation
Dear Victorious,
I know you've written about masturbation before (or at least answered questions about it). I still don't really understand why it's wrong. If the Bible doesn't expressly forbid it, how can anything be defined as wrong?
Victoria L. - Schaumburg, IL
Dear Victoria,
If the Bible doesn't expressly forbid it, how can anything be defined as wrong? That's an excellent question. The only problem with that logic is that it assumes the criteria to be used for doing something is simply the absence of the Bible forbidding it.
Something doesn't have to be defined as wrong - in the Bible or elsewhere - for it to be inappropriate for God's people. Looking at pornography, reading trashy romance novels and watching sarcastic other mean-spirited comedies on TV aren't forbidden in the Bible. But that doesn't make them right. There may be nothing wrong with something, but at the same time ... there may not be anything right with it either. Even if there is something right about it, there may not be enough right about it to make it appropriate.
So let's look at masturbation. There is nothing wrong with the mechanical act of manipulating one's body parts for pleasure. I do the same things when I twiddle my thumbs or stroke my hair. But, masturbation always involves a level of selfishness, often involves a level of lust for someone other than one's committed marriage partner, and may have some other wrongs attached to it.
Similarly, there's nothing wrong with the mechanical act of eating food. But when I eat to excess, it becomes sinful. When I eat for the wrong reasons, it may be sinful. If I eat to the exclusion of others who are hungry, it is sinful. It isn't the eating that's sinful, it's the context in which the eating is done.
Read Philippians 4:8, in the Amplified Bible (found at http://www.biblegateway.org/). More than not being wrong, the things Christ followers engage in should be right enough to meet the requirements of this Bible verse. (And masturbation doesn't.) Moreover, pair that with the greatest commandments (i.e., love God first and love others as you would like to be loved), and you've got excellent criteria for deciding whether something is okay or not.
I know you've written about masturbation before (or at least answered questions about it). I still don't really understand why it's wrong. If the Bible doesn't expressly forbid it, how can anything be defined as wrong?
Victoria L. - Schaumburg, IL
Dear Victoria,
If the Bible doesn't expressly forbid it, how can anything be defined as wrong? That's an excellent question. The only problem with that logic is that it assumes the criteria to be used for doing something is simply the absence of the Bible forbidding it.
Something doesn't have to be defined as wrong - in the Bible or elsewhere - for it to be inappropriate for God's people. Looking at pornography, reading trashy romance novels and watching sarcastic other mean-spirited comedies on TV aren't forbidden in the Bible. But that doesn't make them right. There may be nothing wrong with something, but at the same time ... there may not be anything right with it either. Even if there is something right about it, there may not be enough right about it to make it appropriate.
So let's look at masturbation. There is nothing wrong with the mechanical act of manipulating one's body parts for pleasure. I do the same things when I twiddle my thumbs or stroke my hair. But, masturbation always involves a level of selfishness, often involves a level of lust for someone other than one's committed marriage partner, and may have some other wrongs attached to it.
Similarly, there's nothing wrong with the mechanical act of eating food. But when I eat to excess, it becomes sinful. When I eat for the wrong reasons, it may be sinful. If I eat to the exclusion of others who are hungry, it is sinful. It isn't the eating that's sinful, it's the context in which the eating is done.
Read Philippians 4:8, in the Amplified Bible (found at http://www.biblegateway.org/). More than not being wrong, the things Christ followers engage in should be right enough to meet the requirements of this Bible verse. (And masturbation doesn't.) Moreover, pair that with the greatest commandments (i.e., love God first and love others as you would like to be loved), and you've got excellent criteria for deciding whether something is okay or not.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Trust's Foundation
Dear Victorious,
I've been told that I have "trust issues," whatever that means. I have quite a lot of friends, but don't seem as close to them as my wife thinks I should. Moreover, when it comes down to it, I probably don't really trust any of them like I should. How exactly does one develop trust?
Ethan M. - New Orleans, LA
Dear Ethan,
Trust and relationship are not the same thing. You can have trust without relationship - but you cannot have relationship without trust.
Relationships have no particular motive. They occur when people invest time in each other and spend time together or no particular reason. When you come to know someone deeply, you develop a set of beliefs about them. And it is upon those beliefs that trust is built.
On the other hand, trust can occur without the relationship - because beliefs are possible without relationship. You go to a doctor for example. You may not even know the doctor, but you trust him (or her) to care for you. That trust is based on a set of beliefs about the medical system, the medical facility, the licensing process, the educational process, and other such things.
From a Christian perspective, I can trust someone I don't know who wouldn't seem to have worldly credentials (such as a doctor) simply because God tells me to. In other words, I have fundamental beliefs about who God is and how God works in my life. It is upon those beliefs that my trust in others around me stands.
I've been told that I have "trust issues," whatever that means. I have quite a lot of friends, but don't seem as close to them as my wife thinks I should. Moreover, when it comes down to it, I probably don't really trust any of them like I should. How exactly does one develop trust?
Ethan M. - New Orleans, LA
Dear Ethan,
Trust and relationship are not the same thing. You can have trust without relationship - but you cannot have relationship without trust.
Relationships have no particular motive. They occur when people invest time in each other and spend time together or no particular reason. When you come to know someone deeply, you develop a set of beliefs about them. And it is upon those beliefs that trust is built.
On the other hand, trust can occur without the relationship - because beliefs are possible without relationship. You go to a doctor for example. You may not even know the doctor, but you trust him (or her) to care for you. That trust is based on a set of beliefs about the medical system, the medical facility, the licensing process, the educational process, and other such things.
From a Christian perspective, I can trust someone I don't know who wouldn't seem to have worldly credentials (such as a doctor) simply because God tells me to. In other words, I have fundamental beliefs about who God is and how God works in my life. It is upon those beliefs that my trust in others around me stands.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Broken Relationships
Dear Victorious,
I have a friend who I've been friends with for years. Last summer something happened (it's a long story) that caused some friction between us. Since then, our friendship seems to have drifted off. I miss her, but I don't know what to do about it. I mean, there's no way to fix this. She started it, as I recall. But I probably said some things I shouldn't have as well. How can you restore a friendship that's been damaged like this?
Carolyn - Appleton, WI
Dear Carolyn,
I'd recommend you look at 1 Corinthians 13, which defines love. Then think about how that could be applied to the situation between you and your friend. After praying about it, you can set up a meeting with her. Make it a meeting specifically about this relationship. Don't be casual about it. Rather be purposeful.
When you get the meeting, you start by saying something like, "Look, I asked for this meeting to talk about our relationship. The thing is, I don't feel as close to you as I used to. I know I have some responsibility for that, and I'm here to apologize for my part in the conflict that we seem to have gotten into. Will you forgive me?" She doesn't have to apologize. You forgive her without waiting for her to apologize.
You have to get to the point where you say to yourself, "I'd rather be reconciled than be right." And essentially, that's what you want your friend to know ... that nothing is worth your friendship. You love her too much to let anything like this come between you. Tell her how much you love her.
Now going into this, remember one thing - you can't control your friend's response. She may or may not be ready to forgive you for your part in this. She may or may not be ready to resume the relationship. But you be ready. And if she says she need some time or something, be willing to give her that. Let her know you'll be waiting, praying and ready to love on her when she's ready. In other words, don't go into this with any agenda other than to clean up your side of the street.
I have a friend who I've been friends with for years. Last summer something happened (it's a long story) that caused some friction between us. Since then, our friendship seems to have drifted off. I miss her, but I don't know what to do about it. I mean, there's no way to fix this. She started it, as I recall. But I probably said some things I shouldn't have as well. How can you restore a friendship that's been damaged like this?
Carolyn - Appleton, WI
Dear Carolyn,
I'd recommend you look at 1 Corinthians 13, which defines love. Then think about how that could be applied to the situation between you and your friend. After praying about it, you can set up a meeting with her. Make it a meeting specifically about this relationship. Don't be casual about it. Rather be purposeful.
When you get the meeting, you start by saying something like, "Look, I asked for this meeting to talk about our relationship. The thing is, I don't feel as close to you as I used to. I know I have some responsibility for that, and I'm here to apologize for my part in the conflict that we seem to have gotten into. Will you forgive me?" She doesn't have to apologize. You forgive her without waiting for her to apologize.
You have to get to the point where you say to yourself, "I'd rather be reconciled than be right." And essentially, that's what you want your friend to know ... that nothing is worth your friendship. You love her too much to let anything like this come between you. Tell her how much you love her.
Now going into this, remember one thing - you can't control your friend's response. She may or may not be ready to forgive you for your part in this. She may or may not be ready to resume the relationship. But you be ready. And if she says she need some time or something, be willing to give her that. Let her know you'll be waiting, praying and ready to love on her when she's ready. In other words, don't go into this with any agenda other than to clean up your side of the street.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Credentials
Dear Victorious,
Exactly who is it that appointed you an authority on life? I mean where do you get off acting as the authority and giving people the answers you do? Do you have any credentials that would really qualify you for this job?
Steven R. - Rome, GA
Dear Steven,
I'm not an authority. I have no specific credentials that would qualify me. I don't think I've ever tried to position myself as an authority on spiritual matters, on life, on the Bible or anything else. When I answer questions, I answer them based on a perspective that's been developed in my own journey as a Christian. It gets no more credible than that. And I answer questions because people ask them. If they stop asking, I'll stop answering.
Exactly who is it that appointed you an authority on life? I mean where do you get off acting as the authority and giving people the answers you do? Do you have any credentials that would really qualify you for this job?
Steven R. - Rome, GA
Dear Steven,
I'm not an authority. I have no specific credentials that would qualify me. I don't think I've ever tried to position myself as an authority on spiritual matters, on life, on the Bible or anything else. When I answer questions, I answer them based on a perspective that's been developed in my own journey as a Christian. It gets no more credible than that. And I answer questions because people ask them. If they stop asking, I'll stop answering.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Boundaries
Dear Victorious,
Why do people have such a hard time drawing boundaries with others? We seem to enable other people's bad behaviors and then end up feeling put upon or resenting them - when we could have drawn firmer boundaries and prevented whatever it is that they did to us. Why don't we?
Abby T. - Salem, OR
Dear Abby,
I suspect the reason is that we aren't willing to pay the price. Boundaries can be expensive. They can cost us in different currencies - such as convenience, relationships, and so forth. If, for example, you draw and enforce effective boundaries with a loved one, you may become estranged from that loved one. Some people would look at a cost like that and decide that it's not worth it.
Many of us would agree that it's hard to know where and when to set boundaries with others. An even greater number though would probably agree that it's even more difficult to set the boundaries. That is simply because we don't want to pay that price. If we could figure out a way to set and keep effective boundaries without it costing us anything, we'd have no trouble setting them!
Why do people have such a hard time drawing boundaries with others? We seem to enable other people's bad behaviors and then end up feeling put upon or resenting them - when we could have drawn firmer boundaries and prevented whatever it is that they did to us. Why don't we?
Abby T. - Salem, OR
Dear Abby,
I suspect the reason is that we aren't willing to pay the price. Boundaries can be expensive. They can cost us in different currencies - such as convenience, relationships, and so forth. If, for example, you draw and enforce effective boundaries with a loved one, you may become estranged from that loved one. Some people would look at a cost like that and decide that it's not worth it.
Many of us would agree that it's hard to know where and when to set boundaries with others. An even greater number though would probably agree that it's even more difficult to set the boundaries. That is simply because we don't want to pay that price. If we could figure out a way to set and keep effective boundaries without it costing us anything, we'd have no trouble setting them!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Husband's Love
Dear Victorious,
I know the Bible says that the husband is supposed to love the life "like Christ loved the church." What exactly does this mean? (It sounds pretty vague and ambiguous if you ask me.) And how then should the wife love the husband?
Kyle H. - Albuquerque, NM
Dear Kyle,
It would only sound vague and ambiguous to someone who is know familiar with how Christ loved the church. The story of Christ is told in exhausting detail in the Bible. You need only read it to become informed of the facts. Then we need only look at that example to see what we should do as husbands.
So what does it mean for a husband to love his wife "as Christ loved the church?" Basically it means that he is to love her sacrificially. He is expected to make extreme sacrifices for her long term benefit. The husband is to offer forgiveness to the wife - every time for every thing. In fact, he should already plan to offer forgiveness even before she offends him (and she will). The husband should offer grace to the wife in every situation, help when help is needed. Simply put, his love for his wife should make her a better person. The husband is to bring out the best in his wife.
If you think about it (and I didn't invent this train of thought), we as Christians didn't love Christ first. He loved us first, and we simply respond to His love. That's how the wife is to love her husband. She responds to his love for her. In other words, she loves him because he first loves her.
I know the Bible says that the husband is supposed to love the life "like Christ loved the church." What exactly does this mean? (It sounds pretty vague and ambiguous if you ask me.) And how then should the wife love the husband?
Kyle H. - Albuquerque, NM
Dear Kyle,
It would only sound vague and ambiguous to someone who is know familiar with how Christ loved the church. The story of Christ is told in exhausting detail in the Bible. You need only read it to become informed of the facts. Then we need only look at that example to see what we should do as husbands.
So what does it mean for a husband to love his wife "as Christ loved the church?" Basically it means that he is to love her sacrificially. He is expected to make extreme sacrifices for her long term benefit. The husband is to offer forgiveness to the wife - every time for every thing. In fact, he should already plan to offer forgiveness even before she offends him (and she will). The husband should offer grace to the wife in every situation, help when help is needed. Simply put, his love for his wife should make her a better person. The husband is to bring out the best in his wife.
If you think about it (and I didn't invent this train of thought), we as Christians didn't love Christ first. He loved us first, and we simply respond to His love. That's how the wife is to love her husband. She responds to his love for her. In other words, she loves him because he first loves her.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Advice for Fathers
Dear Victorious,
If you could give one piece of advice to fathers in America today, what would it be?
Cindi T. - Huntsville, AL
Dear Cindi,
I believe there is a severe shortage of leadership in fathers today. So I would tell fathers to grow up, take command and start leading their families. Too many men have abdicated their leadership roles - usually to their wives. Too many men have been emotionally absent from their children's lives. We have too many grown men walking around today not knowing how to be men, how to love or how to lead. They were never taught by their fathers. That cycle has been perpetuating itself ever since America entered the industrial age. And it's time that cycle is broken.
If you could give one piece of advice to fathers in America today, what would it be?
Cindi T. - Huntsville, AL
Dear Cindi,
I believe there is a severe shortage of leadership in fathers today. So I would tell fathers to grow up, take command and start leading their families. Too many men have abdicated their leadership roles - usually to their wives. Too many men have been emotionally absent from their children's lives. We have too many grown men walking around today not knowing how to be men, how to love or how to lead. They were never taught by their fathers. That cycle has been perpetuating itself ever since America entered the industrial age. And it's time that cycle is broken.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Questions
Dear Victorious,
So all these people write to you with questions about theology. Do you have any questions that you'd like to ask (and have someone answer)? Or do you already have all the answers?
Danny P. - Riverside, CA
Dear Danny,
Of course, I have many questions I'd like to have answered. Mine are more "why" questions though. For example, I'd like to know why God has allowed evil to reign here on earth for so long. (I've come to the conclusion though that I'm going to have to live with some unanswered questions in life.)
I don't believe that the people who write to me are asking theological questions though. For the most part, they seem (to me, at least) to be more questions of how make practical application of Biblical principles in everyday life. In that context, yes, I do have the answers. I've found that the Bible is a wonderful source of direction. In fact, there's never been a life issue or a question of any kind that I couldn't find help with in the Bible!
So all these people write to you with questions about theology. Do you have any questions that you'd like to ask (and have someone answer)? Or do you already have all the answers?
Danny P. - Riverside, CA
Dear Danny,
Of course, I have many questions I'd like to have answered. Mine are more "why" questions though. For example, I'd like to know why God has allowed evil to reign here on earth for so long. (I've come to the conclusion though that I'm going to have to live with some unanswered questions in life.)
I don't believe that the people who write to me are asking theological questions though. For the most part, they seem (to me, at least) to be more questions of how make practical application of Biblical principles in everyday life. In that context, yes, I do have the answers. I've found that the Bible is a wonderful source of direction. In fact, there's never been a life issue or a question of any kind that I couldn't find help with in the Bible!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Learning Trust
Dear Victorious,
Over the years I have generally found it hard to trust anyone. I even have trouble trusting people who would seem to be trust worthy. I know as a Christian this isn't a good situation. So how do I learn to trust people?
Marianne S. - Gaithersburg, MD
Dear Marianne,
The first thing you do is get a proper definition of what trust is ... and isn't. When we set out to trust other people, let's remember who we're trusting. They infallible humans, hopeless sinners in desperate need of a Savior. They are dominated by a sinful nature that rages within them. And these conditions exist even among the most trustworthy people on earth!
So the problem for most of us is that we expect those we trust not to fail. We expect them to always honor that trust - never break that trust. If they do, then we conclude that they were never trustworthy in the first place and/or that they shouldn't be trusted now. We may also project that conclusion onto other people (which seems to have happened in your case).
Just because someone broke your trust doesn't mean that you were mistaken to have trusted them. It also doesn't mean that they are not worthy of your trust now. The thing is, we must first put our trust in God. Then we seek Him first, asking Him who He wants us to trust. As we trust others ... at God's direction ... then we also trust God to take care of us. So, for example, if I've prayed about trusting you and felt God telling me to trust you (which is the only real reason that I should), then I also trust God to protect me if you ever break my trust.
We learn to trust others by first learning to trust God. It really is that simple.
Over the years I have generally found it hard to trust anyone. I even have trouble trusting people who would seem to be trust worthy. I know as a Christian this isn't a good situation. So how do I learn to trust people?
Marianne S. - Gaithersburg, MD
Dear Marianne,
The first thing you do is get a proper definition of what trust is ... and isn't. When we set out to trust other people, let's remember who we're trusting. They infallible humans, hopeless sinners in desperate need of a Savior. They are dominated by a sinful nature that rages within them. And these conditions exist even among the most trustworthy people on earth!
So the problem for most of us is that we expect those we trust not to fail. We expect them to always honor that trust - never break that trust. If they do, then we conclude that they were never trustworthy in the first place and/or that they shouldn't be trusted now. We may also project that conclusion onto other people (which seems to have happened in your case).
Just because someone broke your trust doesn't mean that you were mistaken to have trusted them. It also doesn't mean that they are not worthy of your trust now. The thing is, we must first put our trust in God. Then we seek Him first, asking Him who He wants us to trust. As we trust others ... at God's direction ... then we also trust God to take care of us. So, for example, if I've prayed about trusting you and felt God telling me to trust you (which is the only real reason that I should), then I also trust God to protect me if you ever break my trust.
We learn to trust others by first learning to trust God. It really is that simple.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Die for A Friend
Dear Victor,
Some friends and I were talking the other night and came up with a hypothetical situation - that I'd like to know your answer to. Suppose you and a friend were captured and taken hostage by terrorists. The terrorist tells you to gauge out your friend's eyes ... or they will kill your friend. You're safe either way, but it's a matter of whether your friend lives (without his eyes) or dies. There is no other way out. What would you do?
Terry B. - Weirton, WV
Dear Terry,
Actually I've heard a slightly different version of this challenge before, so I have the advantage of having already applied some thought to this a few years ago. What you've described would be a dilemma. The thing I would do is to pray and seek God's will in the matter.
I suppose there's all kinds of criteria we could use to make the decision. Is the friend much older than me? Does he have small children? How well would his wife be provided for? All would be natural considerations. I would probably also want to talk to the friend and get his opinion! But at the end of the day, I'd want most to talk to God about it ... and I would make my decision based on however He led me.
There are many other, more practical or more common, times in life when we are faced with difficult choices where the only options seem wrong. There may be no good choice available to us. In such circumstances, I find it's best to seek God for wisdom and discernment. More often than not, He will lead you to another choice or make another option available to you. Ultimately you'll want to choose the choice that comes the closest to honoring God.
Some friends and I were talking the other night and came up with a hypothetical situation - that I'd like to know your answer to. Suppose you and a friend were captured and taken hostage by terrorists. The terrorist tells you to gauge out your friend's eyes ... or they will kill your friend. You're safe either way, but it's a matter of whether your friend lives (without his eyes) or dies. There is no other way out. What would you do?
Terry B. - Weirton, WV
Dear Terry,
Actually I've heard a slightly different version of this challenge before, so I have the advantage of having already applied some thought to this a few years ago. What you've described would be a dilemma. The thing I would do is to pray and seek God's will in the matter.
I suppose there's all kinds of criteria we could use to make the decision. Is the friend much older than me? Does he have small children? How well would his wife be provided for? All would be natural considerations. I would probably also want to talk to the friend and get his opinion! But at the end of the day, I'd want most to talk to God about it ... and I would make my decision based on however He led me.
There are many other, more practical or more common, times in life when we are faced with difficult choices where the only options seem wrong. There may be no good choice available to us. In such circumstances, I find it's best to seek God for wisdom and discernment. More often than not, He will lead you to another choice or make another option available to you. Ultimately you'll want to choose the choice that comes the closest to honoring God.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Unforgiveable Sin
Dear Victorious,
My brother-in-law says that there are certain sins which can never be forgiven. Is this true? If so, how could that be? I thought all sin could be forgiven.
Hank A. - Norman, OK
Dear Hank,
Actually, you just have to put it into the right context. All sin can be forgiven. However, all sin is not forgiven. The only sin that the Bible refers to as unforgivable is the sin that denies that there is God. You can't ask someone to forgive you if you deny that someone exists. So an atheist, for example, is not going to have God's forgiveness for being an atheist --- until he or she relents and agrees that there is God.
So your brother-in-law is technically not accurate in identifying any sin as not being forgivable. God will forgive even the sin of denying Him - if we will turn from that sin. But He won't forgive it unless / until we do turn from it.
My brother-in-law says that there are certain sins which can never be forgiven. Is this true? If so, how could that be? I thought all sin could be forgiven.
Hank A. - Norman, OK
Dear Hank,
Actually, you just have to put it into the right context. All sin can be forgiven. However, all sin is not forgiven. The only sin that the Bible refers to as unforgivable is the sin that denies that there is God. You can't ask someone to forgive you if you deny that someone exists. So an atheist, for example, is not going to have God's forgiveness for being an atheist --- until he or she relents and agrees that there is God.
So your brother-in-law is technically not accurate in identifying any sin as not being forgivable. God will forgive even the sin of denying Him - if we will turn from that sin. But He won't forgive it unless / until we do turn from it.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Marriage Partner
Dear Victorious,
How do you know if someone you are interested in marrying is really "the one?"
Kelly O. - Ft. Worth, TX
Dear Kelly,
I don't believe there is such a thing as "the one." There's nothing in the Bible to indicate that's ever been true (except in the case of Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden). So I think for most of us, there may be several good choices for a spouse - and we could be happy with any of them.
The question you're asking is really how to pick a spouse ... what criteria to use. First stop believing that there is only one choice (there isn't). Second, stop believing that the choice you make has to be perfect (it won't). Third, ask God to lead you in your choice(s) (He will).
The Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked in our relationships. That includes the marriage or even the dating relationships. So we should look for potential partners that share our most fundamental core values and beliefs.
I would never, for example, date someone who wasn't open to or already in my faith as a Christian. They wouldn't have to be from the same denomination as I am (because I don't consider denominational differences to be core or fundamental). But they would have to agree on the basics - like Jesus is Lord.
After we've established that we're equally yoked in our core values and beliefs, then it's a matter of building a relationship, intentionally connecting our hearts, etc. And this isn't based on feelings. Look at 1 Corinthians 13 and ask yourself if you can offer that kind of love to this individual. Ask yourself if that individual is ready to give you that kind of love.
The problem that most people have with marriages is that they use the wrong criteria for making a marriage decision. Ironically, they also often use the wrong criteria to make a divorce decision as well.
How do you know if someone you are interested in marrying is really "the one?"
Kelly O. - Ft. Worth, TX
Dear Kelly,
I don't believe there is such a thing as "the one." There's nothing in the Bible to indicate that's ever been true (except in the case of Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden). So I think for most of us, there may be several good choices for a spouse - and we could be happy with any of them.
The question you're asking is really how to pick a spouse ... what criteria to use. First stop believing that there is only one choice (there isn't). Second, stop believing that the choice you make has to be perfect (it won't). Third, ask God to lead you in your choice(s) (He will).
The Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked in our relationships. That includes the marriage or even the dating relationships. So we should look for potential partners that share our most fundamental core values and beliefs.
I would never, for example, date someone who wasn't open to or already in my faith as a Christian. They wouldn't have to be from the same denomination as I am (because I don't consider denominational differences to be core or fundamental). But they would have to agree on the basics - like Jesus is Lord.
After we've established that we're equally yoked in our core values and beliefs, then it's a matter of building a relationship, intentionally connecting our hearts, etc. And this isn't based on feelings. Look at 1 Corinthians 13 and ask yourself if you can offer that kind of love to this individual. Ask yourself if that individual is ready to give you that kind of love.
The problem that most people have with marriages is that they use the wrong criteria for making a marriage decision. Ironically, they also often use the wrong criteria to make a divorce decision as well.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Forgiveness
Dear Victorious,
How do you know if you've forgiven someone? I mean really forgiven them?
Intisar M. - Paramus, NJ
Dear Intisar,
When God forgives us, the Bible says that He "separates us from our sin --- as far as the east is from the west." (Psalm 103:12) What this means is that God no longer sees our sin at all. It's as if we never committed it. This is what perfect forgiveness does - it makes everything as if the offense being forgiven never even happened.
If you are still remembering, can still get worked up about it, ever bring it up, etc. - then your forgiveness is not yet complete. Sometimes it takes time to complete our forgiveness. Sometimes the wound we suffered was so deep that we aren't able to forgive on our own. In such cases, we may need to ask for God's help in order to accomplish the forgiveness that we know we want to offer (and is required of Christians).
How do you know if you've forgiven someone? I mean really forgiven them?
Intisar M. - Paramus, NJ
Dear Intisar,
When God forgives us, the Bible says that He "separates us from our sin --- as far as the east is from the west." (Psalm 103:12) What this means is that God no longer sees our sin at all. It's as if we never committed it. This is what perfect forgiveness does - it makes everything as if the offense being forgiven never even happened.
If you are still remembering, can still get worked up about it, ever bring it up, etc. - then your forgiveness is not yet complete. Sometimes it takes time to complete our forgiveness. Sometimes the wound we suffered was so deep that we aren't able to forgive on our own. In such cases, we may need to ask for God's help in order to accomplish the forgiveness that we know we want to offer (and is required of Christians).
Sunday, June 13, 2010
God's Love
Dear Victorious,
I was reading in the Bible recently where it says that God withdrew His love from someone. I thought we could never lose our salvation. What's going on here? Is God's love for us eternal or is it not?
Harry H. - Waterloo, IA
Dear Harry,
You didn't specify where you read this in the Bible, but I'll guess it might have been 2 Samuel 7:15, where God says to King David, "my love will never be taken away from him, as I took it away from Saul, whom I removed from before you."
King Saul had been chosen by God to be Israel's king. He was anointed and ordained by God. The problem arose when he turned from God and began doing things His own way. God loves everyone ... in context. By that I mean He loves even the people who go to hell. But He removes His love for us when we aren't open to it, don't want it and reject it.
It's been said that God is the perfect gentleman ... He doesn't force Himself on anyone. So here's the better question to ask, if someone can become a Christian, "get saved," and then turn their back on God, what really happened? I would argue (and others along with me) that if you can possibly turn your back on God you never had your salvation in the first place.
Nothing can separate us from the true love of God - unless we never really had it in the first place. Don't worry about losing your salvation. Instead, focus on the sincerity and authenticity of your commitment to Christ. If that's real ... you have nothing to fear.
I was reading in the Bible recently where it says that God withdrew His love from someone. I thought we could never lose our salvation. What's going on here? Is God's love for us eternal or is it not?
Harry H. - Waterloo, IA
Dear Harry,
You didn't specify where you read this in the Bible, but I'll guess it might have been 2 Samuel 7:15, where God says to King David, "my love will never be taken away from him, as I took it away from Saul, whom I removed from before you."
King Saul had been chosen by God to be Israel's king. He was anointed and ordained by God. The problem arose when he turned from God and began doing things His own way. God loves everyone ... in context. By that I mean He loves even the people who go to hell. But He removes His love for us when we aren't open to it, don't want it and reject it.
It's been said that God is the perfect gentleman ... He doesn't force Himself on anyone. So here's the better question to ask, if someone can become a Christian, "get saved," and then turn their back on God, what really happened? I would argue (and others along with me) that if you can possibly turn your back on God you never had your salvation in the first place.
Nothing can separate us from the true love of God - unless we never really had it in the first place. Don't worry about losing your salvation. Instead, focus on the sincerity and authenticity of your commitment to Christ. If that's real ... you have nothing to fear.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Oil Spill Response
Dear Victorious,
How should Christians react to situations like this BP oil spill that's going on in the Gulf of Mexico? I have friends who are boycotting BP, and others who want to join a protest. Is this really the best response for a Christ-follower?
John V. - Dallas, TX
Dear John,
How refreshing that you'd use the word "best!" It really is the question Christians should be asking. There are many things we can do in response to situations like this. But not many of them are best - or even productive.
Jesus got angry at injustice - when people were being oppressed or mistreated. But His anger moved Him to corrective action ... not bitterness or sniping. We should learn from that example.
Certainly BP is behaving like an incompetent company, with poor moral values. I would have no qualms about a decision not to do business with such a company. In fact, consumers now days should be more conscientious about who they do business with.
Protests aren't going to do any good. Blogs aren't going to do any good. Even letters to BP probably aren't going to do any good. I once wanted to write a letter to a church that had behaved badly and wounded me. I asked a friend to review it and make sure it was accurate, objective, etc. He agreed that it was very well written and was an excellent document. Then I asked him if he thought I should send it. He said "only if you can be certain that they'll hear what you're saying." That was sage advice - and it would apply here. We should only spend time talking about the BP oil spill if we're sure people in a position to do something about it would actually hear what we have to say. (Otherwise, we're wasting our breath!)
Christ followers should have compassion for the people who are the victims of this BP oil spill. We should take whatever actions we can to relieve their suffering. Go to the shores on vacation. Go volunteer. Send money. Pray for them. Have a bake sale. Wash cars. Ask God to show you what else you might do to be a blessing to these people who are suffering.
Anytime we see a situation like this, we really need to ask ourselves the question, "What would Jesus do?" And then we need to do that. At the same time though, it's good to consider what Jesus would not do - and make sure we stay out of that.
How should Christians react to situations like this BP oil spill that's going on in the Gulf of Mexico? I have friends who are boycotting BP, and others who want to join a protest. Is this really the best response for a Christ-follower?
John V. - Dallas, TX
Dear John,
How refreshing that you'd use the word "best!" It really is the question Christians should be asking. There are many things we can do in response to situations like this. But not many of them are best - or even productive.
Jesus got angry at injustice - when people were being oppressed or mistreated. But His anger moved Him to corrective action ... not bitterness or sniping. We should learn from that example.
Certainly BP is behaving like an incompetent company, with poor moral values. I would have no qualms about a decision not to do business with such a company. In fact, consumers now days should be more conscientious about who they do business with.
Protests aren't going to do any good. Blogs aren't going to do any good. Even letters to BP probably aren't going to do any good. I once wanted to write a letter to a church that had behaved badly and wounded me. I asked a friend to review it and make sure it was accurate, objective, etc. He agreed that it was very well written and was an excellent document. Then I asked him if he thought I should send it. He said "only if you can be certain that they'll hear what you're saying." That was sage advice - and it would apply here. We should only spend time talking about the BP oil spill if we're sure people in a position to do something about it would actually hear what we have to say. (Otherwise, we're wasting our breath!)
Christ followers should have compassion for the people who are the victims of this BP oil spill. We should take whatever actions we can to relieve their suffering. Go to the shores on vacation. Go volunteer. Send money. Pray for them. Have a bake sale. Wash cars. Ask God to show you what else you might do to be a blessing to these people who are suffering.
Anytime we see a situation like this, we really need to ask ourselves the question, "What would Jesus do?" And then we need to do that. At the same time though, it's good to consider what Jesus would not do - and make sure we stay out of that.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Getting Married
Dear Victorious,
What's the best way to catch a husband? (I'm really serious.)
Anonymous - Hartford, CT
Dear Anonymous,
If you're asking from a Biblical point of view, I'd do three things.
First, review and reflect on the two greatest commandments, found in Matthew 22:36-40. Ask yourself how well you've accomplished that and then commit to bettering that.
Second, review and reflect on the definitions of love that are found in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. Consider what other statements could be written based on what truth this Scripture establishes. For example, "love doesn't get angry when it doesn't get its own way." Or "love is happy to iron your shirts - even if you're old enough to do it yourself." Or even "love is always ready to compromise and sacrifice."
Third, surrender your hopes and dreams of a marriage to the Lord. Pray about the desires of your heart, and ask God to give you the desires He wants you to have. Commit to be accepting and loving of whatever husband God might be willing to give you. And commit to be accepting and loving even if God doesn't want you to have a husband ... or if He doesn't want you to have one now. In other words, set aside your own ambition to have a husband - placing that desire on the altar and trusting God to do what's best for you in His own time. You can use the waiting time to hone your skills in the first two areas I mentioned above.
You will be most attractive to a potential husband when:
1. The Lord really is first and foremost in your life.
2. You really do love all others unconditionally.
3. Your will is completely yielded to God.
What's the best way to catch a husband? (I'm really serious.)
Anonymous - Hartford, CT
Dear Anonymous,
If you're asking from a Biblical point of view, I'd do three things.
First, review and reflect on the two greatest commandments, found in Matthew 22:36-40. Ask yourself how well you've accomplished that and then commit to bettering that.
Second, review and reflect on the definitions of love that are found in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. Consider what other statements could be written based on what truth this Scripture establishes. For example, "love doesn't get angry when it doesn't get its own way." Or "love is happy to iron your shirts - even if you're old enough to do it yourself." Or even "love is always ready to compromise and sacrifice."
Third, surrender your hopes and dreams of a marriage to the Lord. Pray about the desires of your heart, and ask God to give you the desires He wants you to have. Commit to be accepting and loving of whatever husband God might be willing to give you. And commit to be accepting and loving even if God doesn't want you to have a husband ... or if He doesn't want you to have one now. In other words, set aside your own ambition to have a husband - placing that desire on the altar and trusting God to do what's best for you in His own time. You can use the waiting time to hone your skills in the first two areas I mentioned above.
You will be most attractive to a potential husband when:
1. The Lord really is first and foremost in your life.
2. You really do love all others unconditionally.
3. Your will is completely yielded to God.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Accountability Partner
Dear Victorious,
I'm thinking about getting an accountability partner. I want someone who I can meet with on a regular basis, in a relationship where we can challenge each other to grow spiritually. How do I go about doing this finding such a person?
Tim E. - Davenport, IA
Dear Tim,
I don't recommend it. There are no Biblical examples of such a relationship that I know of. Someone who is your equal or your peer is very unlikely to ever be able to help you go anywhere that they haven't been themselves. The dynamic most illustrated in the Bible - in both the Old and New Testaments - for relationships that help us grow spiritually and emotionally is quite different than anything you would call a "partnership."
From Moses and Joshua to Jesus and the disciples, the dynamic most modeled is one of submission to authority that God places in our lives. So if you really want to grow, I recommend that you find someone who is at least as spiritually mature as you are ... but preferably more so. I recommend that this individual have more victory in the areas of life that challenge you than you have.
I'm thinking about getting an accountability partner. I want someone who I can meet with on a regular basis, in a relationship where we can challenge each other to grow spiritually. How do I go about doing this finding such a person?
Tim E. - Davenport, IA
Dear Tim,
I don't recommend it. There are no Biblical examples of such a relationship that I know of. Someone who is your equal or your peer is very unlikely to ever be able to help you go anywhere that they haven't been themselves. The dynamic most illustrated in the Bible - in both the Old and New Testaments - for relationships that help us grow spiritually and emotionally is quite different than anything you would call a "partnership."
From Moses and Joshua to Jesus and the disciples, the dynamic most modeled is one of submission to authority that God places in our lives. So if you really want to grow, I recommend that you find someone who is at least as spiritually mature as you are ... but preferably more so. I recommend that this individual have more victory in the areas of life that challenge you than you have.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tenacity's Virtue
Dear Victorious,
I've always been a tenacious individual, who works hard and stays focused. My mother-in-law of about 10 years recently told me she's not sure I should consider this a virtue. When I asked her what she meant by that, all she will say is that it's possible for someone to be tenacious to a fault. What does this mean?
Mary L. - Germantown, TN
Dear Mary,
What it means is that focus and perseverance are good traits when they have the right motive and a worthy cause. But if they are selfish or for personal gain or control, for example, then not so much. In fact, what some consider tenacity might also be viewed as stubbornness. This occurs when tenacity gets out of its proper context. Manipulative, controlling people often consider themselves to simply be tenacious and strong-willed. They are surprised to learn that others don't see that in such a positive light.
Perhaps your mother-in-law is suggesting that you evaluate your motives and/or your methods. It's possible she thinks you could back off a bit, or that you're fighting for causes that aren't worth it. The notion of picking our battles is also worth considering here. Being tenacious, firm, stubborn or whatever you want to call it can often come at the expense of relationships. Getting something done or done a certain way may not be worth the relationships that we damage or even sacrifice in the process.
I've always been a tenacious individual, who works hard and stays focused. My mother-in-law of about 10 years recently told me she's not sure I should consider this a virtue. When I asked her what she meant by that, all she will say is that it's possible for someone to be tenacious to a fault. What does this mean?
Mary L. - Germantown, TN
Dear Mary,
What it means is that focus and perseverance are good traits when they have the right motive and a worthy cause. But if they are selfish or for personal gain or control, for example, then not so much. In fact, what some consider tenacity might also be viewed as stubbornness. This occurs when tenacity gets out of its proper context. Manipulative, controlling people often consider themselves to simply be tenacious and strong-willed. They are surprised to learn that others don't see that in such a positive light.
Perhaps your mother-in-law is suggesting that you evaluate your motives and/or your methods. It's possible she thinks you could back off a bit, or that you're fighting for causes that aren't worth it. The notion of picking our battles is also worth considering here. Being tenacious, firm, stubborn or whatever you want to call it can often come at the expense of relationships. Getting something done or done a certain way may not be worth the relationships that we damage or even sacrifice in the process.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Cosmetic Surgery
Dear Victorious,
My husband thinks I should get breast enlargement surgery. I've always been small in that way, and it's caused me to have a lack of confidence in myself much of the time. Is it okay for Christians to have such procedures done?
Nadine M. - Las Vegas, NV
Dear Nadine,
Let me put it this way, having cosmetic surgery isn't a right or wrong thing for a Christ-follower to do. The real criteria that you use to make a decision like this is the condition of your heart. In other words, what's your motive? Is it a God-honoring motive? Or is it a selfish, sinful motive? Is it a motive that is based on worldly (versus kingdom) values? Those are the questions you need to answer.
I expect there are probably instances where God would give someone permission to have cosmetic surgery. But it will not be because they have "always been small in that way" or because they want to be more attractive. Have you prayed about this with your husband? Have you sought wise counsel from godly people who know you? Do this and let me know what God says.
My husband thinks I should get breast enlargement surgery. I've always been small in that way, and it's caused me to have a lack of confidence in myself much of the time. Is it okay for Christians to have such procedures done?
Nadine M. - Las Vegas, NV
Dear Nadine,
Let me put it this way, having cosmetic surgery isn't a right or wrong thing for a Christ-follower to do. The real criteria that you use to make a decision like this is the condition of your heart. In other words, what's your motive? Is it a God-honoring motive? Or is it a selfish, sinful motive? Is it a motive that is based on worldly (versus kingdom) values? Those are the questions you need to answer.
I expect there are probably instances where God would give someone permission to have cosmetic surgery. But it will not be because they have "always been small in that way" or because they want to be more attractive. Have you prayed about this with your husband? Have you sought wise counsel from godly people who know you? Do this and let me know what God says.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Past Pain
Dear Victorious,
I understand that Christians are supposed to deal with their painful pasts. But honestly, some things can be so painful that you simply cannot bear to deal with it. It's kind of like a fire that's too hot to handle. I might fight a kitchen fire, for example, but wouldn't take on a fire that's too big for me to handle. Aren't there similarities to dealing with painful issues in life?
Maria E. - Tucson, AZ
Dear Maria,
No, there are not. In fact, your fire analogy isn't even true. Philippians 4:13 says that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. That includes tackle a fire that's "too hot to handle" or deal with painful issues in life. It really comes down to a question of whether you believe Christ is sufficient. Whether I have intense pain, fear, challenge, discouragement or whatever ... I have to get to the point where I understand and believe the truth that Christ is sufficient. He is enough for me to deal with the pain, fear, challenge, discouragement, etc. There are no exceptions.
I understand that Christians are supposed to deal with their painful pasts. But honestly, some things can be so painful that you simply cannot bear to deal with it. It's kind of like a fire that's too hot to handle. I might fight a kitchen fire, for example, but wouldn't take on a fire that's too big for me to handle. Aren't there similarities to dealing with painful issues in life?
Maria E. - Tucson, AZ
Dear Maria,
No, there are not. In fact, your fire analogy isn't even true. Philippians 4:13 says that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. That includes tackle a fire that's "too hot to handle" or deal with painful issues in life. It really comes down to a question of whether you believe Christ is sufficient. Whether I have intense pain, fear, challenge, discouragement or whatever ... I have to get to the point where I understand and believe the truth that Christ is sufficient. He is enough for me to deal with the pain, fear, challenge, discouragement, etc. There are no exceptions.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Sleeping Around
Dear Victorious,
I have a friend (no really) who seems to think that she has to be sexual with a guy in order to "cement the relationship," as she explains it. I've tried to tell her how crazy this is, but she won't listen. She basically ends up sleeping with every guy she ever dates - and she justifies it by saying that you can't possibly expect a relationship to develop without the sexual dimension of that relationship. She's a believer and says she knows this doesn't line up with Scripture, but thinks that God understands relationships are different today than they were in Bible times. Help!
Kanesha M. - Brentwood, TN
Dear Kanesha,
Your friend is terribly ignorant. And I don't mean stupid. I mean misinformed, without accurate knowledge, missing the facts. There is no such thing as a sexual dimension to a relationship. Sexuality is the celebration of the relationship after that relationship is established and committed to. There is no other way for Christians to be sexual. End of story.
As long as your friend is more interested in justifying her sin with her ignorance, you're wasting your time talking to her. (But that's just my humble opinion.) If you really feel that God is leading you to speak to her, I'd encourage you to just tell her that her claim is not correct - and invite her to come to you if she ever wants to know what is correct. Then you can take her to Scripture and help her find God's truth about sexuality.
The bottom line is that someone who thinks you have to sleep with someone in order to get a romantic relationship with them will never have a godly relationship with anyone.
I have a friend (no really) who seems to think that she has to be sexual with a guy in order to "cement the relationship," as she explains it. I've tried to tell her how crazy this is, but she won't listen. She basically ends up sleeping with every guy she ever dates - and she justifies it by saying that you can't possibly expect a relationship to develop without the sexual dimension of that relationship. She's a believer and says she knows this doesn't line up with Scripture, but thinks that God understands relationships are different today than they were in Bible times. Help!
Kanesha M. - Brentwood, TN
Dear Kanesha,
Your friend is terribly ignorant. And I don't mean stupid. I mean misinformed, without accurate knowledge, missing the facts. There is no such thing as a sexual dimension to a relationship. Sexuality is the celebration of the relationship after that relationship is established and committed to. There is no other way for Christians to be sexual. End of story.
As long as your friend is more interested in justifying her sin with her ignorance, you're wasting your time talking to her. (But that's just my humble opinion.) If you really feel that God is leading you to speak to her, I'd encourage you to just tell her that her claim is not correct - and invite her to come to you if she ever wants to know what is correct. Then you can take her to Scripture and help her find God's truth about sexuality.
The bottom line is that someone who thinks you have to sleep with someone in order to get a romantic relationship with them will never have a godly relationship with anyone.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Sex Lessons
Dear Victorious,
My kids are learning in school that masturbation is an acceptable practice, and much preferable to actual sexual intercourse. My husband and I are just not comfortable with this. Should the school be teaching this kind of thing? What should we do?
Marilyn R. - Redding, CA
Dear Marilyn,
Well, the school is teaching the facts. But as Christ-followers, we know that the facts are circumstantial ... and usually don't represent the truth. The truth is that masturbation is just as much of a sin as sex outside of marriage. It just has different consequences. Masturbation does have negative consequences, though they're not readily apparent like pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases would be. So society tends to be ignorant of those consequences (or at least severely discount them).
What you should do is teach your children about godly sexuality. You should be intentional and explicit in explaining sexuality to them. Take it from a perspective of honoring God with our sexuality. That includes teaching them the truth about sexual aberrations like masturbation or fetishes, pre-marital sex, multiple sex partners, etc. You may have to do some learning on your own so that you'll be prepared to teach it to your children. But basically what you're teaching are the spiritual dimensions of sexuality. What's taught in society (or our schools) is limited to the physical dimensions of sexuality.
My kids are learning in school that masturbation is an acceptable practice, and much preferable to actual sexual intercourse. My husband and I are just not comfortable with this. Should the school be teaching this kind of thing? What should we do?
Marilyn R. - Redding, CA
Dear Marilyn,
Well, the school is teaching the facts. But as Christ-followers, we know that the facts are circumstantial ... and usually don't represent the truth. The truth is that masturbation is just as much of a sin as sex outside of marriage. It just has different consequences. Masturbation does have negative consequences, though they're not readily apparent like pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases would be. So society tends to be ignorant of those consequences (or at least severely discount them).
What you should do is teach your children about godly sexuality. You should be intentional and explicit in explaining sexuality to them. Take it from a perspective of honoring God with our sexuality. That includes teaching them the truth about sexual aberrations like masturbation or fetishes, pre-marital sex, multiple sex partners, etc. You may have to do some learning on your own so that you'll be prepared to teach it to your children. But basically what you're teaching are the spiritual dimensions of sexuality. What's taught in society (or our schools) is limited to the physical dimensions of sexuality.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Repentance
Dear Victorious,
I saw in your blog today that we should work on our repentance for sin. How exactly should we do that? I mean, what exactly is repentance in common terms?
Laura N. - Columbus, OH
Dear Laura,
Repentance is really just two things.
First, it is agreement with God that sin is sin. God defines right and wrong. We simply need to agree with Him that what we've done is wrong. (That means we stop justifying, rationalizing or excusing it.)
Second, it is turning from the sin. True repentance results in changed behavior. So even though I may struggle with a particular sin pattern, I would expect the repentant sinner to sin less than he or she did before. So if I'm repenting of gossip, for example, we would expect to see the incidents of my gossiping become fewer and farther between as time goes on. (This is what turning from sin usually looks like.)
I saw in your blog today that we should work on our repentance for sin. How exactly should we do that? I mean, what exactly is repentance in common terms?
Laura N. - Columbus, OH
Dear Laura,
Repentance is really just two things.
First, it is agreement with God that sin is sin. God defines right and wrong. We simply need to agree with Him that what we've done is wrong. (That means we stop justifying, rationalizing or excusing it.)
Second, it is turning from the sin. True repentance results in changed behavior. So even though I may struggle with a particular sin pattern, I would expect the repentant sinner to sin less than he or she did before. So if I'm repenting of gossip, for example, we would expect to see the incidents of my gossiping become fewer and farther between as time goes on. (This is what turning from sin usually looks like.)
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Ceremonially Clean
Dear Victorious,
In the Old Testament, people were referred to as being "ceremonially clean" or "ceremonially unclean." It seems like this was an important concept to God. What has happened to it in modern Christianity? Shouldn't we be concerned about it now?
Victor R. - San Antonio, TX
Dear Victor,
Of course we should be concerned about it now. However, what cleanses us today is quite different from what cleansed God's people in Old Testament times. Basically the difference is Jesus Christ. Before Christ, people had to cleanse themselves with ritual and abstinence. Today, we cleanse ourselves with faith and repentance, through Jesus Christ, who makes us whole and pure. So if you want to make sure you are clean and presentable to God, work on your faith and obedience to Jesus Christ, along with your repentance for sin.
In the Old Testament, people were referred to as being "ceremonially clean" or "ceremonially unclean." It seems like this was an important concept to God. What has happened to it in modern Christianity? Shouldn't we be concerned about it now?
Victor R. - San Antonio, TX
Dear Victor,
Of course we should be concerned about it now. However, what cleanses us today is quite different from what cleansed God's people in Old Testament times. Basically the difference is Jesus Christ. Before Christ, people had to cleanse themselves with ritual and abstinence. Today, we cleanse ourselves with faith and repentance, through Jesus Christ, who makes us whole and pure. So if you want to make sure you are clean and presentable to God, work on your faith and obedience to Jesus Christ, along with your repentance for sin.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Bible Translations
Dear Victor,
I know you've said that the best translation of the Bible to get is the one we'll actually read. But that being said, what do you think is the most accurate translation of the Bible?
Zachary N. - Tacoma, WA
Dear Zachary,
The English language is considered to be the most complex and comprehensive language known to mankind. So no matter what other language something is translated from, there will never be an exact match word-for-word in the English language.
We have to consider that language was originally pictographic [Remember the scrawling on the cave walls?]. This left much to the imagination and to interpretation. No words in any language have completely overcome that dynamic in language.
I've read that there is no single Greek word that has an exact equivalent in a single English word. So no translation can ever hope to reproduce completely all the shades of meaning found in the original Greek texts. I am personally then a fan of the Amplified Bible translation ... because it provides the greatest number of words to help me find context in whatever has been translated. But I am still under no illusion that this is the most accurate. (I just think it helps me understand Biblical truth better.)
Here's something to consider. It's a personal belief of mine. Because the Bible is God's inerrant Word to His people, I believe the Holy Spirit protects the integrity of that Word in any translation with any language. In other words, if I pick up any legitimate translation of the Bible (i.e., one that has been vetted and approved by Biblical scholars and theologians), I trust its integrity. I have faith that the Holy Spirit would not have allowed that translation to be produced if it were anything but the inerrant Word of God Himself. (You should trust it too!)
I know you've said that the best translation of the Bible to get is the one we'll actually read. But that being said, what do you think is the most accurate translation of the Bible?
Zachary N. - Tacoma, WA
Dear Zachary,
The English language is considered to be the most complex and comprehensive language known to mankind. So no matter what other language something is translated from, there will never be an exact match word-for-word in the English language.
We have to consider that language was originally pictographic [Remember the scrawling on the cave walls?]. This left much to the imagination and to interpretation. No words in any language have completely overcome that dynamic in language.
I've read that there is no single Greek word that has an exact equivalent in a single English word. So no translation can ever hope to reproduce completely all the shades of meaning found in the original Greek texts. I am personally then a fan of the Amplified Bible translation ... because it provides the greatest number of words to help me find context in whatever has been translated. But I am still under no illusion that this is the most accurate. (I just think it helps me understand Biblical truth better.)
Here's something to consider. It's a personal belief of mine. Because the Bible is God's inerrant Word to His people, I believe the Holy Spirit protects the integrity of that Word in any translation with any language. In other words, if I pick up any legitimate translation of the Bible (i.e., one that has been vetted and approved by Biblical scholars and theologians), I trust its integrity. I have faith that the Holy Spirit would not have allowed that translation to be produced if it were anything but the inerrant Word of God Himself. (You should trust it too!)
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
One Book
Dear Victorious,
If there were one book of the Bible that would be most important for someone to read, what would it be - and why?
Darlene Z. - Hattiesburg, MS
Dear Darlene,
My vote would be for the book of Romans. It's got all of the fundamental issues for Christianity laid out in just a few chapters. For example, we are hopeless sinners unable to cleanse ourselves (Romans 7). Another example is that through Christ we are made whole (Romans 8).
If there were one book of the Bible that would be most important for someone to read, what would it be - and why?
Darlene Z. - Hattiesburg, MS
Dear Darlene,
My vote would be for the book of Romans. It's got all of the fundamental issues for Christianity laid out in just a few chapters. For example, we are hopeless sinners unable to cleanse ourselves (Romans 7). Another example is that through Christ we are made whole (Romans 8).
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