Mean Dad

Dear Victorious,

I grew up in a home where my father was a tyrant. Seriously. He was a monster of a father and has never loved me the way he should. That was years ago of course, and he's said he's sorry. But I can never forgive that man for what he did to me and how he treated me. The facts still speak for themselves. Nevertheless, my mother expects me to visit them and apparently just pretend that nothing happened. I wouldn't mind visiting her, but have no desire to even be in the same city as that man. How can I make Mom understand that what she's asking is unreasonable?

Claire D. - Los Angeles, CA

Dear Claire,

I'm going to assume, since you read my blog, that you identify yourself as a Christian. And if that is the case, you have a much more serious problem than your mother's expectations of you. I'm talking about the unforgiveness that you have toward your father. He may have done all sorts of despicable things to you. But he isn't doing them now. He's apologized. And you need to forgive him.

I'm not saying that you need to embrace the man and be in intimate relationship with him. But you do need to forgive him and get to a place where you can be civil with him. In fact, the Bible says that if you don't forgive those who sin against you, then neither will God forgive you! (Matthew 6:14-15). Moreover, Jesus said that God doesn't even want us to worship Him until we've done our part to reconcile all of our relationships. (Matthew 5:23-24)

The thing is, you can draw firm boundaries with your father. You can stay in a hotel when you visit. But he is your father and God expects you to honor him. (Matthew 15:4, 19:19 & Ephesians 6:2) Holding on to bitterness and resentment, especially when the man has apologized, is just uncalled for. God expects you to forgive your father for his transgressions against you.

In other words, stop making an issue of the past. And start trusting God to lead you into a better future.