Bedroom Spat

Dear Victorious,

Let me just put this straight to you: my husband refuses to make love to me any more. When I ask why, he says it's because of the way I treat him. I know we have our differences, but I thought the Bible says married people shouldn't withhold sex from each other unless they agree on it and only then for a temporary period of time. How can I make my husband see how wrong he is about this?

Laura T. - Overland Park, KS

Dear Laura,

Yes, the Bible does say that husbands and wives shouldn't use sex as a weapon or bargaining tool. Fasting from sex should only be undertaken by mutual agreement. However, it sounds like you are focusing on the law and not on the heart of the matter.

Sex is not the basis for a marriage relationship. Rather it is the celebration of the marriage relationship. So ask yourself if you husband has a relationship that is worth celebrating? He's told you he doesn't like the way you treat him. What does that mean? How do you treat him?

You cannot be obstinate and difficult throughout the day and then expect a spouse to make love to you at the end of that day. Are you submitting to and respecting your husband like you would Christ Himself? Do you give your husband respect and unconditional love and support?

You may ultimately need marriage counseling. But if you're looking for a Biblical solution, check your heart and your motives. It's quite possible that a prayerful, loving wife would be incredibly attractive to your husband.