Loving Discipline

Dear Victorious,

Is there such a thing as a loving way to discipline a child? If so, what does it look like?

Sheila Nguyen - Los Angeles, CA

Dear Sheila,

Yes, there is. If you are responsible for the discipline of someone else, be it a child, student, employee, etc. here are some guidelines to keep in mind:

1. Don't discipline in anger. Take time to cool down.
2. Let the punishment quickly follow the offense.
3. Be sure the degree of punishment reflects the seriousness of the offense.
4. End the punishment on a timely basis. (Don't let it drag on.)
5. Check your motive for the punishment. (Make sure it's sincere.)

Discipline that is swift, just and restrained makes its point while preserving the integrity of the offender.

I know there is controversy when it comes to spanking a child. Certainly you cannot spank someone else's child without their consent. But if you have the authority, spanking a child can certainly fit within the context of the guidelines I've just offered. This is particularly true when the child is too young to comprehend other consequences.

For example, if a three year old is sticking things in an electrical outlet, restricting him from TV or putting him in a time out are unlikely to change his behavior. He simply cannot correlate the punishment with the crime. A more effective punishment might be a spanking. On the other hand, the older a child gets, the less effective a spanking will be. Older children will be more likely to be harmed (emotionally, psychologically, etc.) from a spanking. It simply doesn't maintain their dignity.