Broken Marriage

Dear Victorious,

We've been married for 13 years now, and have three children who are 8, 10 and 12 years old. Basically we function as roommates. We aren't intimate, and only seem to talk to each other when it's about the kids, the house, or some other responsibility. Frankly, this is a lonely marriage. I think it's broken. What can be done?

Jesse I. - Round Rock, TX

Dear Jesse,

What you should do is get on your knees in prayer. Ask God to show you what He sees in your marriage. Then ask God to help you love your spouse the way God wants you to. I'll assume that you've already considered marriage counseling. If you haven't, you should. A good Christian marriage counselor could help you get the expectations you have of marriage aligned with Scripture. In addition, I would look for a marriage enrichment or marriage mentoring ministry to get involved in.

What you're describing is not a broken marriage. Rather it sounds like two people who never learned how to be married, and have drifted to the focus of your responsibilities rather than the focus of yourselves. Consider, for example, that children are the product of the love relationship you have with your spouse. They are not to replace that love relationship. Instead, they are to take second place behind the maintenance and nurturing of that relationship.