Marriage Secret

Dear Victorious,

In a nutshell, what is the secret to a good marriage?

David S. - Frisco, TX

Dear David,

There may be several secrets to a good marriage. But I can think of three right off the top of my head. That I can focus on them so quickly makes me believe they are probably the most important. They are, in no particular order - hard work, sacrifice and forgiveness.

Marriages don't work. If you want a successful marriage you and your partner will have to work hard at it. Be intentional about developing good habits like date nights, having regular conversation, listening, etc. Take courses. Read books. Think of people you know who have good marriages and model yours after theirs. Ask them their secrets too!

Sacrifice is a huge part of any good marriage. You don't get your way any more. You'll have to set aside your wants and sometimes your needs for the sake of the marriage. Your needs won't get met. Your desires won't get fulfilled. Your dreams won't come true. Reconcile yourself to that truth and be willing to compromise every single day. The Bible says men are to love their wives "as Christ loved the church." Jesus took all the blame. He gave up his life. He forgave everything. That's how Christ loved the church. Now you go do the same.

Finally, forgiveness is critical. As Christ loved the church, He forgives everything. In fact, Christ already decided before you were born that He would forgive all of your sins. You'll have to do the same with your spouse. Either you deal with the issues or you forgive them. And in any marriage, you'll be called upon to forgive quite a lot. Decide now that's how you'll handle it. Blame, bitterness, resentment, anger, jealousy and other alternatives will kill your marriage.