Abortion Disclosure

Dear Victorious,

I am engaged to marry the love of my life. The thing is I had an abortion years ago, when I was in college. I don't want to be secretive and want to be totally up front with my fiance. However, he is a very good man who is extremely opposed to abortion. He's flat out referred to it as murder. I'm afraid if I tell him about this part of my past, he will rethink his decision to marry me. What should I do?

K.C. - Palm Springs, CA

Dear K.C.,

Tell him. You didn't say whether or not you consider yourself a Christ-follower. But I'll assume since you're reading my blog and asking me for advice, you at least consider the Biblical perspective relevant. The Bible is clear that abortion can be forgiven. But the Bible is equally clear that abortion is wrong. Your fiance is correct in referring to it as murder.

The thing is, even otherwise virtuous people make the abortion decision out of ignorance, selfishness or other misguided motives. The appropriate response is to repent. You agree with God that what you did was wrong. And you own up to what you did.

That doesn't mean you advertise it to the world. But when you are about to get intimately involved with someone and commit the rest of your lives to each other - such a secret would be absolutely toxic to your relationship.

If you haven't worked through the guilt and shame with a therapist or in some sort of healing ministry, it is quite probable that you'll bring that into this marriage. You'll bring it into your relationship with any children you may have in the future. Don't do that to yourself. And for heaven sakes, don't do that to this man whom you love so much.