Advice Columnists

Dear Victorious,

What do you think of popular advice columnists like Dear Abby or Ann Landers? Do they give good advice?

Jonathan A. - Riverside, CA

Dear Jonathan,

I often look at Ann Landers and Dear Abby columns. Sometimes I visit others, such as Ask Caroline or the Laskas one in Reader's Digest. Just this week, I read a letter in one from a 35 year old reader who's mother was controlling and domineering. She required the woman to call her every night. The woman resented it and wanted to know what they could do. Abby told her to keep the calls brief. That totally overlooked the fact that the woman (who was 35 years old) should be drawing firm boundaries. The real truth is that her mother could not make her feel guilty unless she allowed it. Of course, the advice columnist totally missed that pearl of wisdom.

Just yesterday, the Dear Abby column was particularly annoying because Abby cited the popular response as validation of the appropriateness of one of her answers. A reader had written in, she answered, and then some of her readers took exception to her answer. Sadly, rather than engage in a constructive dialogue, she simply pointed out that the reader taking exception to her answer (which was lame and stupid) was in the minority. She assumed that popular opinion made her right. (It doesn't.)

In general these advice columns are entertainment at best. At worst, they are places where someone might feasibly rely on them for actual advice about life. But these are people who aren't trained, aren't seriously trying to help others run their lives effectively - and are often wrong and misguided. When we go for advice from someone else, we all need to be a bit more discriminating about who it is that we listen to. That is as important (if not more so) as the advice they give out.

Do they share our values? Do they share our world view? Do they submit to the same God we submit to? Are their priorities similar to ours? Are they likely to be wiser and have better life experience and life skills than we do? These are the kinds of questions we need to have answered before we consider seeking advice from someone else. Nearly 100% of the time, the advice people seek in these columns regards relationships - which are complex. God's Word gives us splendid advice about how to have effective relationships. I can imagine no better place to start than God's Word. (This is why I recommend Biblically-based counseling and coaching.)