Punishing Children

Dear Victorious,

The Bible says to "spare the rod and spoil the child," but I've always believed that physical punishment of children is wrong. My husband and I are arguing about this and can't seem to resolve it. He thinks we should spank the children. I don't want my children abused. Please help!

Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned,

What you've quoted is a bit of a mistatement of what the Bible instructs. You're taking it out of context. While the Bible does say that, you must remember this is the same rod that, along with the staff, comforts. (Psalm 23) Moreover the Bible is replete with caution about damaging a child in any way. The discipline that the Bible calls for is definitely physical, such as in a spanking. But at the same time, it is loving, and gentle.

In today's society, we seem to have lost sight of the concept of a loving and gentle spanking. We think of physical or "corporal" punishment in the context of the parent who is in a screaming rage and lashes out against their child with brutality and violence. This is not Biblical! It is sin on the part of the parent.

You abuse your children if you fail to discipline them. But when you discipline them, it is to be the discipline of God, led by His Holy Spirit. You are a steward of this precious child, and you do not have permission to be abusive. As a Christian parent, we are responsible for submitting our anger and frustration to the authority of God. When we have prayed through that, then we can go back to our child and lovingly discipline them.

How would that look? You sit down, have a calm conversation with the child about what he or she did wrong. Help them understand how they can make a better choice next time. Reaffirm your love for them --- and then mete out the appropriate punishment. If it is a spanking, administer it calmly and end it by hugging the child and again affirming them. That is the rod you do not want to spare.