Being Transparent

Dear Victorious,

Someone recently told me that I need to be more transparent. What exactly does that mean? I'm not sure I can be comfortable at some levels with some people.

Guarded

Dear Guarded,

Being transparent simply means that you have no secrets. For most of us, it means that the very worst there is to be known about us - is known. I think it is safe to say that most people (including me) are not completely transparent about everything with everyone. In other words, transparency is something that we entrust to others whom we find to be trustworthy.

If someone is telling you that you need to be more transparent, it could mean one of two things. First, they want you to be more transparent, holding less back from them specifically. Secondly, they could want you to be more transparent, being more open in general with everybody. Just because they said this doesn't mean, of course, that you should do it. But it merits your serious consideration - especially if the individual who said it to you is someone you trust and think has your best interests at heart.

I believe one of the healthiest things an individual can do for his or her self is to be transparent with themselves - admitting the truth about themselves to themselves. The next step then is to admit the truth about themselves to at least one other person. We all have dark places in our selves. They may be thoughts or desires, attitudes or biases. Or they may be sins we've committed. These are the things that need to admit to ourselves - and that are to be confessed to someone else.

James 5:16 tells us, "Confess your sins to one another ..." James was writing that letter to the saints - people who were spiritually mature in Christ. What he was telling them to do was to find another saint - someone who is at least as spiritually mature as you are - and then stand spiritually naked in front of that person. In other words, have no secrets between you and that person with regard to you. The sins, the temptations, the fears, the biases, the attitudes --- all are confessed. They are all prayed about too.

So the obvious question then is why wouldn't I want to be transparent with everyone? The answer is simply that not everyone is trustworthy or that not everyone needs to be trusted even if they are trustworthy. In other words, not everyone can be trusted or should be trusted with my secrets. But someone is. So take the advice of your friend to heart, and make sure you're being transparent with someone. And if someone else wants to know why you're not transparent with them, be honest and tell them why!