Dating Advice

Dear Victorious,

I'm single and am tired of the dating scene. I've heard the saying that one has to "kiss a lot of frogs" to find their true love. But that's an exhausting process. What would you recommend for someone in my shoes.

Lakeesha W. - Milwaukee, WI

Dear Lakeesha,

I'd recommend a paradigm shift. You're stuck in a cycle of insanity (described as doing the same thing over and over, but expecting a different result). So stop the cycle and do something radically different.

There's a book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," and is written by author Josh Harris. (http://www.joshharris.com/i_kissed_dating_goodbye.php). Get yourself a copy of this book and read it from cover-to-cover before you go on even one more date.

John 3:16

Dear Victorious,

How would you explain John 3:16 to someone who isn't really familiar with the Bible and (probably) doesn't really know God?

Theresa S. - Bremerton, WA

Dear Theresa,

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son - so that whoever would believe on Him would never die and have eternal life themselves." (Of course I'm paraphrasing.)

So what is being said here. It's a simple message. As sinners we are doomed. But God has such great love for us that He sent a sacrifice to rescue us. He made it such that anyone who would take Him at face value could be redeemed and live forever.

It's a message of love. Not everyone will get it. So just remember that it is your responsibility to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with others. However, it is not your responsibility to ensure that they understand or embrace it. (That's the job of the Holy Spirit.)

New Self?

Dear Victorious,

The Bible talks about "putting on your new self." What exactly does this mean? How does one do it?

Norma F. - Tulsa, OK

Dear Norma,

In simple terms it means to be who you say you are. People can have the best of intentions, but if their actions don't follow up then they are frauds and phonies. Your new self is the new perspective and new thinking you have (when you become a Christ follower). Putting it on is just acting like that new person. Your desires, habits and practices must all be constantly changing for the better. You are turning from the sinful, worldly ways ... and turning toward righteous, holy ways.

Lottery Winnings

Dear Victorious,

If you won the lottery and had a lot of money, what would you do with it?

Sam H. - McLean, VA

Dear Sam,

Oh that's an easy one for me! I would quit my job and devote myself to full-time ministry. I spend my days traveling the world, planting missions, training leaders and encouraging leaders. I'd probably make generous donations to my church and a couple of other churches I've been part of in the past. Finally, I'd surprise people I love with gifts they weren't expecting. And I'd look for new people to love. In short, I'd squander every penny of my winnings giving and investing myself in others.

Christian Charity

Dear Victorious,

I notice you trashed (on your blog) Franklin Graham for his excessive compensation, etc. Is there a Christian charity that you admire and hold in high esteem? If so, what is it? And why do you admire them?

Tammy Z. - Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Dear Tammy,

Yes, I quite admire World Vision. They are a very large charity with thousands of employees in dozens of countries. Their work amazes me because it goes well beyond the traditional bleeding heart liberal championing a single cause. Rather World Vision seeks to better communities and equip people to care for themselves. I'm especially intrigued with World Vision's applications of technology and process engineering to create better value and real breakthroughs in social change. Their thinking is very progressive and innovative. At the same time, the executives at World Vision walk the talk as good as I could imagine. They are true servants of Christ with a heart for the lost and the poor.

Lady Gaga

Dear Victorious,

You've spoken out about various celebrities. What are your thoughts about Lady Gaga?

Tim H. - Kingsport, TN

Dear Tim,

Well, I didn't think I had been that outspoken about celebrities. But since you asked ... I am intrigued by Lady Gaga's sense of presentation and showmanship. She obviously knows how to be eccentric and entertaining. That said, I wouldn't let minor children listen to her music. For that matter, I don't think Christ-followers should listen to her music. It's profane and obscene.

Black Friday

Dear Victorious,

What do you think of "Black Friday," the day after Thanksgiving when people go shopping for Christmas gifts?

Nadine P. - Grand Island, NE

Dear Nadine,

To be honest, I never really think about it. I also don't participate in it. I suppose I could preach against it, but I doubt that it's really any worse than any of the other materialistic ways that we desecrate Christmas. If you're going to shop ... and if the prices are better that day ... and if you enjoy the hustle and bustle of the crowds --- then I say go and have at it. Me? I try to make it a habit to spend the day after Thanksgiving doing something outdoors in a woods somewhere!

Empty Holiday

Dear Victor,

I don't have any living relatives and am all alone in this world. I'm retired and don't really have any close friends. I sit and wait for someone to invite me ... it would be wonderful to be included in family celebrations. What is someone to do in my situation?

Len V. - Richardson, TX

Dear Len,

I guess what someone in your situation should do is not sit and wait for others to make your holidays meaningful. Identify others who are in your situation. Seriously ... make a list of people you know who don't have anyone or are in circumstances where they won't be with anyone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years or any other holiday. Then invite all of them to your place.

You get the meat and ask each of them to bring something. Make it a party and invite only people who are alone and don't have anyone. If you don't know enough, ask your church or ask around your neighbors. Tell people you know that you're looking for people to invite and see if they have suggestions.

The point is to turn your focus to serving and loving others. (I be you'll find it's the best holiday ever!)

Sexually Compatible

Dear Victorious,

I know that pre-marital sex is out of the question for Christians. But how else can we assess sexual compatibility?

Dave F. - Salt Lake City, UT

Dear Dave,

By assessing your compatibility in other areas. Sex is the celebration of the relationship. It's not something you test drive. You don't for example, see how good the birthday party is before you decide to have a birthday. In the same way, you don't use sex as a barometer for the relationship - or as criteria for the relationship. Focus on the relationship ... giving, compromising, serving and sacrificing. The sex will follow (after marriage).

Rap Music

Dear Victorious,

We have teen-age children and they seem to be listening more and more to rap music. Besides the fact that I find some of it annoying (and hardly worthy of being called music), I wonder about the impact it could be having. I've heard that some of it is satanic, and I wonder about the lyrics. Should we be letting our kids listen to this kind of music? And if not, how do we get them to stop listening to it?

Corrine L. - Portland, OR

Dear Corrine,

I commend you for paying attention to what your kids are listening to. Whether or not it's annoying or whether or not it's really art (music) might make for an interesting debate. The the fact that you don't particularly care for it - or that you actively dislike it - doesn't make it wrong for your teen-agers to listen to.

Seeing your letter was a bit of deja vu for me ... because my own parents used to say the same things about rock music and heavy metal (i.e., "... the impact it's having ... some of it is satanic ... the lyrics"). They called it garbage. Of course their opinion had zero impact on my desire to listen to it.

The thing is that art of any kind is simply an expression of human emotion and passion. So the form of the art isn't as important as what it is expressing. Rock, rap, country or other forms of music aren't, as styles, morally right or wrong. But what they are expressing could be quite virtuous --- or quite evil.

I've heard of Christian rap, Christian rock and Christian country. There is Christian hip-hop. And I believe those are largely appropriate for Christians. They are art expressing love for Christ, godly living, and other forms of righteousness. At the same time, there is ungodly hip-hop, rap, rock and country music. The same forms of expression could very well be espousing heinous things, heresy and other forms of evil or rebellion against God.

So what's the difference? How do you tell? Quite simply you have to listen to the music. Take the time to get to know the lyrics to the songs your kids are listening to. Look at the artists your kids are favoring. And if you find something that doesn't line up with Scripture, that seems to violate Philippians 4:8 (i.e., "focus your minds on things that are excellent and worthy of praise) --- then you have a responsibility to educate and redirect your kids to something more appropriate.

You probably can't control what your kids listen to. This is especially true as they get older. But I remember when one of my daughters was a teen-ager and purchased a Ouija board with her babysitting money. Of course we had no problem with board games in general. But when this one came in the house, I saw that it didn't align with Philippians 4:8 and actually violated scripture. So I explained this all to my daughter, bought the game from her - and asked her to help me destroy it and put the remains in the trash bin.

You could consider similar approaches to music that you find is unfit for your kids. Treat them with respect. Don't generalize or trivialize. Justify your conclusion with Scripture ... show your kids where the music violates Scripture. Read Philippians 4:8 with your kids and discuss with them what kinds of music would be appropriate. And finally, pray for your kids. Ask God to give them wisdom and discernment to notice when evil is creeping into their lives. Ask God to remove ungodly desires from your kids.

And relax. You'll get through this.

Fully God & Human

Dear Victorious,

I hear preachers explain that Jesus Christ was both fully God and full man. Honestly, I cannot get my head around this. Is there an easier way to understand this?

Jeanne N. - Roswell, NM

Dear Jeanne,

I don't know if there's an easier way to understand the Trinity (Father, Son & Holy Spirit). But I like to think of it like this: God took the human form of Jesus Christ. He was able to do this because He is both a spiritual being and the creator of all things physical. So it was literally possible for Him to create a human life form and insert Himself into that form.

Don't beat yourself up for struggling to grasp this. Most people have to really think about it quite a bit to fully grasp it. In fact, the travesty is that more people don't wrestle with it. If more of us contemplated this reality, we might stand more in awe of this Holy God that we serve. What He did was perhaps the most spectacular thing mankind has ever seen. Yet I suspect even Christians take it for granted.

Trashing Obama

Dear Victorious,

I've been reading what seems to be an increasing number of things about President Obama that are negative. Some are very negative and downright mean. What do you think of this?

Sally O. - Lawrenceville, KS

Dear Sally,

I think it is mean. But let's face it, comedians have been using presidents as the butt of their jokes for decades. It seems to be part of our culture. So at some level, I expect this. Perhaps where Christians need to focus is on what is true of Mr. Obama. To say outrageous things - like he is a socialist or a Muslim - is clearly not appropriate. Those would be truths that only God (and time) could reveal. I don't believe either God or time have revealed them. So we shouldn't be speaking them.

He is our president. As Christ-followers we must understand that God Himself put this man in this position. So whether you agree with him, think he's evil or whatever ... we are each accountable to God for our response to this President. So it just boils down to one question: Would my response (to this president) be honoring of my God?

Paying Taxes

Dear Victorious,

What do you think is the proper relationship between Christians and our government when it comes to paying taxes? I know the Bible says we are to "render unto Caesar that which belongs to Caesar." But it seems that government just spends and spends with no rationale. Does God really expect us to pay taxes when the government is so irresponsible?

Horace T. - Naperville, IL

Dear Horace,

You're citing Matthew 22:21, where Jesus basically tells His followers to pay their taxes - all of them, on time. That is what God expects us to do. God's will for you and I to pay our taxes is not dependent on the level of responsibility in our government ... or even how the money is spent for that matter. Not only do governments spend money irresponsibly, but sometimes they even spend it on things that are offensive (to our core beliefs). Still we do not have permission not to pay our taxes. That is clear.

So here's something for you to consider. Given that our government (here in the U.S.) is so irresponsible, and spends its way into unbelievable debt, is there a better response than simply paying your taxes? I'm not talking about withholding our taxes to try to force change --- that wouldn't be Biblical. But there is nothing that says we couldn't pay more taxes.

What if Christians everywhere started voluntarily sending money to the government? What if we gave our tax return back to the government ... to be applied to the national debt? What if we left, in our wills, the bulk of our estate to the U.S. government for whom we are all so grateful? What if we collectively and individually took ownership of the national debt?

We could repent corporately of our national sin (over being poor stewards) and start making amends to rectify the situation. We could stop taking government benefits when we don't need them. We could give excess to the government. We could demand that lobbyists stop porking up the bills that Congress passes.

Don't you suppose that if we did some of these things, America might end up with a more God-honoring government?

Obesity Sin

Dear Victorious,

Isn't is a sin to be obese? How can Christians be so cavalier about obesity then? I see many so-called Christians who are obese. Don't they realize the sin of gluttony?

Dan A. - Circleville, UT

Dear Dan,

It is not a sin to be obese. Rather obesity is the result or consequence of the sin. The sin is, as you point out, gluttony. It may also be selfishness or some other character defect. It could be ignorance (of good eating habits). It could be false beliefs. Obese people should not be condemned as sinners. Rather they should be prayed for and led to truth about their circumstances.

Recognizing Heresy

Dear Victorious,

A friend and her husband have gone to a new church that is anything but right. They've ask us to visit the church with them. When we did, we were appalled at the heresy we found. The preaching is based on the pastor's feelings and points of view - instead of the Bible. The teaching isn't truthful. We've always considered these friends to be spiritually mature, knowledgeable Christians. But we are baffled over how they could be so deceived. It seems they never really were mature Christians in the first place, and maybe that was all just an act.

Mr. & Mrs. T. - Kirby, TX

Dear Mr. & Mrs. T.,

Don't be so hard on your friends. The Bible tell us that in the last days the very elect will be deceived. Jesus told us about this in Matthew 24:24. I particularly like the way The Message translation of the Bible puts it. "...lying preachers are going to pop up everywhere. Their impressive credentials and dazzling performances will pull the wool over the eyes of even those who ought to know better."

You could try to speak to your friends about your concerns. But pray through that and make sure you have God's leading to do even that. He is responsible for the results ... you are only responsible for the obedience. And if God does lead you to address your concerns with your friends, you can continue to pray for them. Pray that they will see the truth, that the Holy Spirit will show them the what's right and what's wrong.

Perhaps the greater question all of us should be considering is what we are to do about the fact that the very elect among us can be deceived.

Difficult Boss

Dear Victorious,

I have a boss that is very difficult (and that's being kind). I could regale you with stories of his audacity and crassness. His reputation is unbelievable because his behavior is unreal. What can I do?

George P. - Jacksonville, FL

Dear George,

As a Christian, the most important thing you can do is to pray for your difficult boss. Do you love your boss? Are you obedient to your boss? Those would also be great things to do for your boss. But they are secondary to the prayer.

How do you pray for a difficult boss? Pray for God to draw him (or her) to Himself. Pray that God would soften their heart, help them to see the truth in the work circumstances. Pray that God will help you see your boss the same way He sees him (or her). And pray that God would lead you to honorable responses to your boss. Let your words, thoughts and actions be God-honoring. You see, these are the kinds of prayers that God loves to answer.

Conflict

Dear Victorious,

It seems that God calls us to be in close relationships with one another. But those relationships are between very imperfect people and seem to lead to trouble. Many times I'm tempted to conclude that relationships are just not worth it! What is God's perspective on this? Why does He ask us to live in harmony with each other when He knows how challenging that can be?

Tiffany B. - Danville, KY

Dear Tiffany,

You raise a good point. But the most important aspect of this situation is that God does call us to be in close relationships with imperfect people - wretched sinners actually. Even more, He asks us to live in unity with those people. Of course, we are imperfect people - wretched sinners ourselves.

So let's get this straight. God tells sinful people to take their baggage, their issues, their sinful ways ... and go live in close relationship with each other. He tells us to live in unity with each other. Now here's the thing - God wouldn't ask us to do something that He hasn't equipped us for. So what's most important to remember is that even though relationships can be very challenging, God has given us everything that we need to manage and rise to those challenges.

If you're finding that relationships don't seem to be worth the effort, perhaps you should take a look at God's formula for successful relationships.

He tells us, in Matthew 22:39, to "love your neighbor as yourself." So imagine that you've got a wrong opinion, are self-centered and difficult to get along with. How would you want to be loved? That's precisely how you should love someone whom you find in that way.

Another part of God's formula for successful relationships. Read Ephesians, chapters 5 & 6 and notice what God has to say about submission. We are do it. We submit ourselves to God. We submit ourselves to each other. We need to study the definition of submission, and learn how to submit ourselves in every situation or circumstance. It is God's will for us in relationships with Him and with each other.

It has been my experience that when relationships are troubled, the love and submission are usually the core causes. This is true in marriages, in relationships between children and parents, in work relationships, in church relationships and in all other relationships. So when you find yourself in a relationship that seems harder than it should be or seems to be more trouble than it's worth, you can ask yourself two questions.

1. Am I loving this person exactly as I would like him or her to love me if I were them?
2. Am I submitting myself to both God and this other person?

God's Perspective

Dear Victorious,

How can I go about understanding God's perspective on my circumstances?

Anil K. - Menlo Park, CA

Dear Anil,

Before I answer that, the answer to your question does not vary by the circumstances. Understanding God's perspective on your circumstances will not be done differently based on the circumstances.

First, read your Bible regularly. I mean really read it, understand what it says and know the material. The Bible gives us specific standards from God that can be applied to any circumstance. Additionally, the Bible has wonderful stories that are accounts of a wide variety of human experiences - circumstances - and how God saw things. This history has valuable perspective for us now.

Second, ask God each day to let you see with His eyes, hear with His ears and process your thinking with His mind ... instead of your own. Ask God to quiet your heart and mind, and give you the peaceful insight of His heart and mind. Finally, ask God to control your mouth - helping you to say only words that are truthful and honoring to Him.

Constant Prayer

Dear Victorious,

I know the Bible says that we are to "pray without ceasing." Of course that is impossible in our modern culture. What do you think God realistically expects of us in this area?

Nathan C. - Flagstaff, AZ

Dear Nathan,

I don't agree that what the Bible tells us to do could be impossible in any culture. No matter how convincing the circumstances may be, God would tell us to do something that is impossible. Moreover, God would not lower His expectations of us to match the cultural challenges that we think we face. (We know these things because of the unchanging character and nature of God.)

So, what does God really expect of us in the area of "prayer without ceasing?" At least a whole sermon could be preached to answer this question. But I believe it we can boil it down to two lines of thinking.

First, God expects us to be willing to surrender each and every decision we make to His authority. He gives mankind free will. But as devoted slaves of Christ, He asks us to give up that free will. So I need to consider everything in the context of, "Do I have permission to do this." Or I might ask, "Lord, which way to you want me to go here?"

Second, God expects us to be so in touch with Him on a daily basis that we consider His perspective and have His influence on all of our thinking throughout the day. We acknowledge His presence, His power and His will in everything we do. And I don't mean just say it. Rather I need to praying, if only in my mind, even when I am in conversations with others - so that I have God's perspective on each situation throughout the day.

Praying without ceasing may seem like an impossible task. Truly it is not. We can stop, even in the most urgent of circumstances, and simply ask God what He sees or hears - and what He thinks of the situation or circumstance that we find ourselves dealing with.

Forgiven Divorce?

Dear Victorious,

I read your responses on marriage and divorce this week. So are you saying divorce isn't forgiven? Does God expect us to just tolerate anything our spouse wants to dish out? I can't believe in a God that would have such a ridiculous point of view!

Mark H. - Harrisburg, PA

Dear Mark,

No, that's now what I said at all. Certainly God can forgive a divorce. In fact, He may not even have to. I believe God would give someone permission to exit a marriage - where circumstances warrant it. (I've seen such a situation myself.) Mutual submission does not allow for abuse. So healthy boundaries are drawn in a marriage. If they are reasonable and not respected, then certainly action needs to be taken.

Again, we're getting caught up in the rules here. Marriage is not a rules-based game. It is a heart-based game. We cannot make decisions based on how awful one's spouse is or isn't. Rather decisions must be made based on God's will.

(Golly ... we are getting a lot of marriage discussion this week!)

Saving A Marriage

Dear Victorious,

I read your answer to Vivian (on Marriage Secrets) today and really don't agree. You seem to overlook the fact that a woman can kill herself sacrificing for the marriage - and get nothing in return. Take infidelity, for example. Even the Bible gives us grounds for divorce when one spouse has been unfaithful. I think your view on making a marriage work is naive.

Rhonda M. - Dearborn, MI

Dear Rhonda,

Of course you are entitled to your opinion - even if it is misinformed. And I think yours is. I am not naive about marriage. I've been divorced myself. And I am successfully married now for 25 years. So I've learned a thing or two about what makes marriages work or not work. Christ is the answer. Submission to God's will is the answer.

Your example of infidelity overlooks something big. While the Bible does allow divorce on the grounds of infidelity, it also allows forgiveness and restoration. Even if the marriage was never good in the first place, the Bible allows the partners to use the infidelity as the basis for mutual submission to God - and allowing the Holy Spirit to build a marriage that never really existed in the first place.

Quit looking for rules that justify doing what you want. I am aware that people are sinners and that not all good deeds are rewarded with good results. But every marriage I've ever known that really worked has had mutual submission to Christ's lordship as its basis. So I will stand my ground on this one. (But thanks for writing.)

Marriage Secrets

Dear Victorious,

I have been married a couple of years now, but it is really not working. What is the secret to a marriage that works?

Vivian A. - Appleton, WI

Dear Vivian,

I don't think there is a secret to marriages that work. It is a process that's grounded in commitment. Are you committed to this marriage and this person - more than you are committed to your own personal happiness and satisfaction? If there is a secret to marriages which work ... that would be it.

I'm not being flippant with you. But marriage is conversion of sacrifice by both parties. Ephesians 5:22-33 is an often quoted Scripture reference for successful marriages. And it is indeed relevant to what you're asking. But look at the rest of that chapter and notice what else it has to say about how we live.

These aren't the kind of Bible verses you'll see engraved on a plate and sold at the local Christian book store. But they are the kind of Bible verses that make life work.

The whole concept of "falling in love" is man-made. It is not of God. It is not Biblical. Nowhere in the Bible does it say to find someone, "fall in love," and marry them. But the Bible does say we are to choose wisely, be equally yoked ... with one who shares our submission to Christ, and to submit to and sacrifice for our chosen spouse --- for life.

The secret to making your marriage work is most likely found within the intent of your heart. (And the same is true for your husband.)

Hearing God

Dear Victorious,

I often hear Christians saying that God spoke to them about this or that. I've never found that God speaks to me. I've always just assumed that some people are more religious than others, or that God speaks to all of us differently. But lately I've begun to wonder if this is correct. Is it right that God would speak so clearly to some - and be silent with others?

Vernon L. - Sparks, NV

Dear Vernon,

No, it isn't right. God is not silent. He has much to say. In fact, in these troubled times, it could be argued that we need to hear from God now more than ever before in the history of mankind. I hear people say that God doesn't speak to them. Some of them are people whom I dearly love. As I have prayed for those people, God has taken me to a Scripture reference. Let me share it with you.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, ... (Jeremiah 29:13-14)

What does this mean? It means that when we are seeking God with all of our heart, our soul, our mind and our time, He will be found. He will be heard. Let's be clear that God has much to say to all of us about our lifestyles, about our love styles and much more. But He is not found in the elaborate, sensational spiritual highs. He is found in the quiet whispers - of reading your Bible, of prayer, and even of fellowship with other Christ-followers.

When someone doesn't believe God speaks to them, they either need to pursue Him more - or they are discounting (i.e., not liking) what He is saying to them.

Chaz Bono

Dear Victorious,

I read that Chastity Bono, daughter of Cher and the late Sonny Bono, is having a sex change to become a man. She will now be known as "Chaz." What do you think of this? What would a Christian response be in such a situation?

Keith H. - Littleton, CO

Dear Keith,

I think it's very sad, a tragic case of deception and flawed thinking. The Christian response would be to love her and pray for her - without condemning her. She is obviously believing lies about herself. We can only hope - and pray - that one day she will hear truth and believe truth instead.

Ft. Hood Shootings

Dear Victorious,

How can we find hope in the face of things like the tragic shootings at Fort Hood this week?

Darlene Y. - Clinton, MS

Dear Darlene,

At the risk of sounding flippant, it's really quite simple. We find hope in the midst of any tragic circumstances by looking for it in the right places. Hope isn't found in any circumstances ... good or bad. The only hope that's possible in any circumstances would be false hope. We must look to God Himself as our only source of hope. And when we find our hope in Him, then we are not buffeted or persuaded by the circumstances around us.

Emergent Church?

Dear Victorious,

What do you think of the emergent church movement? Should I be attending an emergent church?

J.C. - Pine Bluff, AR

Dear J.C.,

Wikipedia.com describes the emergent church as "a movement .... that crosses a number of theological boundaries." It further says that, "Proponents of this movement call it a "conversation" to emphasize its developing and decentralized nature, its vast range of standpoints and its commitment to dialogue."

I think this alone is sufficient information to tell Christians that we are on shaky ground, thin ice and in danger of true heresy (false religion).

The nature of the true Christian church is not developing or emerging. The church is not built on modern ideas or thinking - but rather on spiritual heritage given to us by Jesus Christ, the early apostles and the prophets of the Christian church. It is centuries old. There is nothing to talk about.

So, no, you should definitely not be attending an "emergent church." Any church that describes itself that way should be a huge red flag for a true Christ-follower. This is because they haven't decided who or what to follow yet. They are literally making it up as they go. Moreover, you should be on the lookout for churches that maybe don't describe themselves as emergent, but act like it anyway. Emergent or not, any church that is making it up as they go represents a false religion that true Christ-followers will have no part of.

Thanksgiving

Dear Victorious,

Sometimes Thanksgiving seems so hollow and empty. What can I do to make Thanksgiving more meaningful?

Roland C. - Sulphur Springs, TX

Dear Roland,

You can pray and ask God to give you a grateful heart. You can stop making it about you and turn the focus to loving and serving others. For what are you truly thankful? Whom can you love and serve? The answers to those two questions are where you'll find meaning and joy in the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.

Allowable Foods

Dear Victorious,

Are there any foods that Christians should not eat?

Marsha A. - Wheaton, IL

Dear Marsha,

The New Testament says that we can eat anything that grows on earth. But, food or drink or other substances becomes a wrong when it abuses our body, harms us or becomes a "false god" to us. So even baking cookies - if done so at the expense of other things God wants for you - can be wrong. And that is the operative difference - can become wrong. There are no foods that Christians should not eat, unless they are eaten for the wrong reasons or take an improper context in our lives.

Equally Yoked

Dear Victorious,

I read the letter (and your answer) from Pedro last week about being equally yoked. Honestly, I don't understand what the big deal is. There are many good and virtuous people out there who are not Christians. Why can't I just be yoked to one of them?

Hank V. - Atlanta, GA

Dear Hank,

Because it would be impossible to be submitted to God (as defined by the Trinity of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and be in a union with someone who isn't.

Spending Wealth

Dear Victorious,

Isn't it enough to tithe 10% of our income and simply enjoy the rest for ourselves? My husband and I have a very good income. Some would even say we're rich. But somehow when we spend money on our selves we feel guilty about it. We tithe faithfully, but it seems that we can get no peace with our finances. Isn't obedience enough for God?

Jenny Lynn - Topeka, KS

Dear Jenny,

Yes, obedience is enough for God. But it sounds as if you've defined obedience way too narrowly. Yes, obedience means giving God the tithe (i.e., the first 10% of our income). But at the same time, obedience requires that we be faithful in the other things God has asked of us. For starters, He told us to love our neighbor as we would want to be loved. If I had a lot of money and you had a genuine need - I'm reasonably certain you would want me to love you by meeting that need. So in that case, simply spending my money on myself may not fit within the definition of obedience.

If God has met your needs and you still have excess, you are not always free to just spend it on yourself or your family. You really must begin to see it all as God's money and ask Him what He wants you to do with that. It is not a sin to have and enjoy nice things. But it is a sin to do so at the exclusion of other purposes God may have had in giving you that wealth.

My guess is that the reason you have no peace with your finances is that the Holy Spirit is trying to convict you of something. You'll get no peace with your finances until they are in God's control.

Raising Children

Dear Victorious,

I saw something on Facebook recently about what it might be like if Jesus had been a parent in His humanity. What kind of parent might Jesus have been?

Carla W. - Tomball, TX

Dear Carla,

I suspect that Jesus would not have looked all that differently than the godly parents we see now in society. It is clear that His highest priority would be to love and affirm the child. But it is also clear that an equally important priority of Jesus' parenting would have been to teach His children the ways of the Lord. I think the biggest difference we might have seen in Jesus' parenting is that He would have taken responsibility for leading His children into a personal relationship with God.