Marriage Secrets

Dear Victorious,

My fiance and I are planning our wedding for next April and would like to write our own vows. We're thinking that the wedding vows should relate to the priorities that the marriage will have. That said, what is the secret to a good marriage? What are the priorities in a godly marriage?

Tyler E. - Longview, TX

Dear Tyler,

Well, there are probably dozens of opinions about what that answer should be. I'm assuming you want my opinion though. So let me answer based on two things. First is my faith in Jesus Christ and submission to His priorities in my life. Second is my personal experience of being married for 26 years.

People talk about marriages that last. You may hear a comment like, "They've been married for 26 years." Or some might say something like, "Our marriage has lasted for 26 years." But I think the distinction needs to be made between the duration of time and the definition of success in a marriage.

I don't think a successful should be defined by the duration of time. My grandparents, for example, were married for over 50 years. They slept in separate bedrooms for as long as I knew them. They kept their money separate and my grandmother spoke badly about my grandfather behind his back. I never saw them kiss, hug or hold hands. I never knew them to show any kind of affection toward each other. They never even spoke well of each other. Would you call that a successful marriage?

The thing is God designed marriage to be so much more than that. Woman was given to man as a complement to him. She completed him and made him whole. That's the picture of a successful marriage. We are best friends. We truly admire each other and hold each other in high regard. And there's never a day when the people in this marriage ever wish that they weren't. So how do you get such a marriage? That is the question.

I believe the highest priority we can make toward building a successful marriage is to put God first in the marriage. That means each person in the marriage is committed to and devoted to serving and obeying Jesus Christ in all aspects of their lives. They don't make decisions without Him. Any decisions - including the decision to marry! Along with that priority will come a secondary priority, which is all about compromise. When we commit to serve and obey Christ, we lay aside our right to be right, our right to have our way.