Christian Etiquette

Dear Victor,

My grandmother is getting on in years and insists on living what she calls a "proper" life. She is fastidious about everything. How the table gets set, what you wear and when, and a whole list of other so-called rules of etiquette are often the topic of conversation. Just this past weekend, she laid into my brother for wearing his ball cap at the table when we were eating lunch. Is all this Biblical? Didn't Jesus tell us not to live according to the law? Aren't humans supposed to stop making up these silly "rules" for each other?

Lakeisha V. - Metairie, LA

Dear Lakeisha,

It sounds like you're trying to find Biblical support for a position that you've already taken. The Bible may not call for us to live according to strict rules (i.e., which fork to use for what). But it also does not provide for us to live like heathens or animals. Having good manners and being polite and respectful of others should always be hallmarks of Christ-followers.

So removing your hat at the dinner table is simply a sign of respect for whoever else is dining with you. Or politely excusing yourself when you leave the dinner table. Or apologizing if you've done something that's gross (like farting or belching). Or holding the door for a lady to enter first. Or opening the door for a lady.

I can think of two specific Scripture verses that would help guide your thinking about manners and matters of etiquette. Luke 19:18 says to love your neighbor as you yourself would want to be loved. And Philippians 4:8 says to focus on things that are excellent and worthy of praise. These verses tell me that politeness and proper, respectful behavior are God-honoring --- and therefore to be aspired to and practiced diligently by His people.