Wedding Vows

Dear Victorious,

I'm getting married next spring. My boyfriend and I would like to write our own wedding vows. Do you have any suggestions for what they should include?

Nancy O. - Madison, WI

Dear Nancy,

I would take a serious look at the traditional wedding vows and ask yourselves what it is about those that you find unacceptable ... and why. The thing about a marriage that most people miss is the aspect of commitment. If I am committed to you for 25 years and then divorce you --- what was the strength of that commitment?

People marry for better or for worse. But they never seem to have any idea of what worse could look like. They've spent all their time imagining what better looks like. You should have a serious discussion about what worse looks like. How would you handle, for example, infidelity in the marriage? Mental illness? Physical disability? Sexual dysfunction? Financial distress? What if one of you lets yourself go physically and becomes obese?

Your marriage vows should reflect your true intent. Figure out what that is and then you'll know how to write your vows.