Sex & Money

Dear Victorious,

We've been seeing a marriage counselor for a few months now, and she tells us that whatever is wrong in the marriage, it can almost always be traced back to sex or money (or both). Would you agree with this? If so, why?

Carter G. - Dothan AL

Dear Carter,

I'm not a licensed, professional counselor - so I probably don't have the insight or the academic knowledge that such a professional would have. As a pastor who counsels though, my own experience probably takes it to a different level. Sex or money may be the topics that broken marriages seem to be focused on. However, I believe there is usually a higher truth that's at the root of the problem.

People get married for all kinds of reasons. Some of those reasons aren't good. For example, they may simply be tired of living alone. They may have unrealistic expectations. Their core values in life may not be aligned. These kinds of issues will manifest themselves in sex and/or money. But they aren't the same as sex or money.

Take sex, for example. At its core probably lies the issue of selfishness. Or take money. At its core probably lies the issue of greed. In such a context, I don't believe the problem with the marriage is either sex or money. Rather the issue is the selfishness and greed. So perhaps it's just the sex and money that tend to highlight or expose the real issue.