Marriage Vows

Dear Victorious,

I read your response recently to the couple who wanted to write their own wedding vows. How do you know if your wedding vows are really any good though? I mean how can you know if the vows you took at your wedding are really of value?

Janet M. - Springdale, UT

Dear Janet,

The wedding vows can be a wonderful assortment of words. But the strength of the commitment can only be shown when it is tested over time. Consider the strength of the commitment for example, of a couple who divorce after 25 or 30 years of marriage. If I committed to you "for better or worse ... till death do us part," but then divorce you 30 years later - what was the strength of that commitment?

The answer of course is not very good. A commitment isn't very good if it fails 30 years later. In fact, I'd say that commitment was weaker than a marriage that collapses in the first year. The thing is that it is not the wedding vows that make the marriage. Rather it is the people in the marriage who make it. So if you want a strong marriage, check yourself. And be highly discriminating about who you marry.