Biblical Divorce

Dear Victorious,

You've been talking about marriage recently. So what about divorce? How do you know when it's time to get a divorce? What does God think about divorce?

Sandra R. - Pacific Palisades, CA

Dear Sandra,

God hates divorce. It is never His will for anyone that a union of any kind be broken permanently. He is about restoration of relationships. Always. But God allowed divorce in the Bible because of the hardening of His people's hearts. In other words, God doesn't want us to divorce. But He recognizes that sometimes the wounds can be so deep, and our faith in Him to get us through that pain is so weak, that remaining in a committed relationship with that individual is simply too hard for us. So God allows divorce.

Specifically God gives us circumstances where He might expect to see those wounds harden our hearts. They are (1) a spouse keeping the other spouse from God and (2) infidelity. Most theologians and ministers today would agree that abuse also qualifies for a "Christian divorce."

Now the thing is though, that Christians could also forgive all those "Biblical grounds for divorce." We could overcome them. That God allows divorce because of our hardened hearts should be recognized for what it is ... failure on our part. If my heart is so hardened toward my spouse that I can not imagine continuing a relationship --- then I have failed as a Christian. Hardened hearts are never the work of the Holy Spirit in God's people. Rather they are the result of the failure of God's people to yield to the Holy Spirit.