Honor Your Mother

Dear Victorious,

I know the Bible says that we are to honor our father and mother. But my mother is a mean, selfish witch. I can't stand to be with her because she is so critical and negative all the time. She berates me and belittles me to no end. There is nothing I can do that pleases her. So Mother's Day seems like a time when I am just screwed. Am I just doomed to this torture with her?

Melanie E. - Huntsville, TX

Dear Melanie,

No, you are not doomed to this torture. I assume you are an adult and not living with your mother. In such a case, you are able to draw firm boundaries with her and not put up with her abusive behavior. You do not have to spend time with your father and mother in order to honor them. (I think I have talked to someone else about something similar before.) So how do you honor your mother on Mother's Day?

The thing to remember is that you're trying to keep a Biblical command - but Mother's Day is not a religious holiday. It's not Biblical. It's society's notion of how we honor Mother's Day. I say you'd do better to forget about Mother's Day and focus on how you can honor your mother every day. How do you do that?

First, you live good values. Live a life that is honorable and praise worthy. Live the values you know your mother would cherish (even if she fails at them herself).

Second, you maintain contact with your mother. That's different than spending time with her. Send her cards and letters, flowers, pictures of the grand kids, etc. And do it often.

Third, you see that her basic needs are provided for. Make sure she has decent housing, health care, food and clothes, etc. If she needs help, step in and make sure she gets it. (This is especially true in the advanced elderly - when they may not be able to fend for themselves mentally or emotionally.)

Fourth, you don't gossip about your mother or spend time putting her down around others. Don't talk badly about her to anyone. If someone presses you about why you aren't closer to her, simply tell them you love her dearly.

Finally, pray for your mother. Ask God to soften her heart. Ask God to show you how you can love her. Ask Him to show you ways that you might relate to her more effectively. Always hold out hope that with Jesus in the picture, a relationship with your mother is still possible.

Now, today is Mother's Day. If you haven't already, get some flowers and candy, a nice card and drop by your mother's with them. You don't have to stay long. Just suck it up and stop in to drop this stuff of and tell her you love her. Then be on your way. After today, start embracing your new plan for dear old Mom.