Biblical Boundaries

Q: I've been reading a book on boundaries and wonder about the Biblical context of boundaries. Can they really be drawn in love? And what do you do about Christians who don't honor boundaries that you try to draw with them?

A: Of course boundaries are Biblical. In fact, they form the very basis of our entire relationship with God. Look closely at how God has interacted with mankind from the very beginning. He drew boundaries with Adam & Eve in the Garden. He drew some very specific boundaries with the Israelites too. When it came to enforcing those boundaries, God has always been very forceful and succinct. When the Israelites failed to honor God's boundaries, the consequences were always very certain.

So here's the thing. It is always very healthy - and appropriate - for God's people to draw firm boundaries. As it has been said, "Let your 'no' be 'no,' and let your 'yes' be 'yes.'" Similarly God's people must also excel at accepting and respecting boundaries. We must learn to accept the 'nos' that each of us must inevitably encounter in life.

So what about people who don't respect boundaries? If the boundaries are appropriate (i.e., in keeping with the character and nature of Christ - in that Jesus would draw similar boundaries), then we are in no position to challenge them. So when we draw boundaries, we must make certain they're drawn with the proper motives and that they are appropriate. And when we encounter boundaries, we consider whether they're appropriate and then honor them if they are.

Either way, in setting or honoring boundaries, we need to turn to God prayerfully to discern what to do. The Holy Spirit will help us set appropriate boundaries and take appropriate enforcement action if and when necessary. Similarly, the Holy Spirit will give us all the discernment that we need when we encounter boundaries. He'll either show us that they're inappropriate and lead us to address that with whomever drew them --- or He'll tell us that they're appropriate and give us the strength and wisdom to respect and honor them.