Wedding Invitations

Dear Victorious,

Do I have to invite people to an event even if I don't want to? My fiance and I are planning my wedding, and my mother is pushing us to invite relatives that I'm not particularly close to. Some of them, to be honest, are rather annoying and I wouldn't enjoy having them at my wedding. To coin a phrase that you use, what's "the right criteria for making this decision?"

Krystle P. - Post, TX

Dear Krystle,

The Bible says that we are to love others the way we would want to be loved. We are to forgive people who offend us time and time again. We are to offer grace to others for their shortcomings and faults. We are to do whatever we can to ensure that our relationships are always fully reconciled.

Certainly you could meet all of those mandates for Christians and still not invite all of your relatives to your wedding. However, if you've excluded anyone for reasons such as these, then excluding them would be clearly wrong -- and indication of a sinful attitude in your heart.

My advice would be to define the criteria for your guest list before you develop it or without considering the names of who would be on it. For example, you might limit it to 100 people. Or you might exclude children. Or you only include immediate family members. You can not, under any circumstances, invite all the cousins, for example, except the one with whom you have an unresolved difference or who has an annoying spouse.

The proverbial high road can be taken here without compromising the quality of the event too. You set boundaries for the guests, and be prepared to enforce those boundaries. For example, if Uncle Frank is a "sloppy drunk," you limit all the guests to a certain number of drinks, or instruct the bar tender to cut off anyone who exhibits any sign of having had too much to drink. You can let Uncle Frank know in advance that to help him avoid getting drunk and making a nuisance of himself, your bartender will be instructed to use his discretion and your brother will be keeping an eye out for any unbecoming behaviors. Then Uncle Frank can decide if he wants to submit to your boundaries and attend your wedding. (But you still invite Uncle Frank.)