Forgiveness

Dear Victorious,

Several months ago I found out that my husband had cheated on me. It was a long time ago, when I was out of town for an extended period of time. He says he only did it once, and swears it never happened again. It "meant nothing." I'm committed to this marriage, but honestly I don't know how I can get past this. There are days when I'm so angry with him I don't know what to do. And often I know I'm just mean and nasty to him because of it. How does one go about this business of forgiveness?

Carolyn O. - Falls Church, VA

Dear Carolyn,

It's been said that forgiveness is only possible when we give up the hope that the past can be any different. What that means is that you must stop wishing this had never happened. That wish will never come true. No one, despite any matter of wishing, has ever been able to re-write history. So that's the first thing you'll need to do ... stop dwelling on the hope or wish that this had never happened.

The second thing you'll need to do is to realize that forgiveness is often a journey. It's rarely as simple as an intelligent decision. While your mind may be totally ready to forgive, your heart is still wounded. It can take time for those wounds to heal. In some cases, the pain may be so great, or the heart so hardened by the pain, that it will take divine, supernatural power to achieve the forgiveness.

So if you find yourself going back to bitterness, resentment and anger ... then it's time to get on your knees and give all that to God. Pray and ask Him to lead you into perfect forgiveness for your husband. And pray for your husband. Ask God to release him of the guilt and shame. Ask the Lord to help him feel forgiven. And of course, ask God to protect him from such temptation ever again.