Fatherhood Defined

Dear Victorious,

What do you think is the definition of a good father?

Tammy L. - Victoria, TX

Dear Tammy,

A lot of money has been made (and spent) on books, greeting cards and editorials defining fatherhood for us. It is ironic to me that we have so much trouble grasping that definition. Like many things in life, I suspect the truest definition is the one that will escape most of us.

God is the consummate father. So I look to God for the best definition of fatherhood. He is the ideal model. I study His character and nature. I look at how He treats His children. (Inevitably, I notice that what I see doesn't look very much like many of the so-called fatherhood models that we pursue today in modern society.) Here are some conclusions I can draw.

A father loves the mother of his children unconditionally. He sacrifices self for we safety and well-being.

A father draws firm boundaries and enforces them sternly.

A father brings out the best in his wife and in each of his children.

A father is rich in wisdom and wise counsel. Moreover, he gains influence in the lives of his children by convincing them that he loves them and always has their best interests at heart.

A father is transparent with his feelings and emotions. His tender side is well known to his children.

A father earns the fearful respect of his children. He is a force to be reckoned with. He will not be ignored.

A father doesn't have more children than he can successfully parent.

A true father isn't defined by blood lineage. Anyone can impregnate a woman to produce offspring. True fathers aren't defined by birthrights. Rather it is the spiritual dimension of the relationship that makes someone a true father.

Notice the absence of modern concepts like "quality time" (whatever that might be) or "love languages," and other such nonsense that society wants us to believe defines the quality of relationships.

I read the sappy greeting cards every year. I see the sappy TV shows and read the sappy write ups in the newspaper and magazines. But I notice that the truly memorable and noteworthy father stories always depict a man who acts and lives with the character and heart of God.