Arguments

Dear Victorious,

What is the best way to settle an argument?

Dan M. - Cleburne, TX

Dear Dan,

There are several ways to respond to such a question. For example, one way to settle an argument is with a whisper. But that is a technique. Most of the answers that mankind would come up with would likely be techniques or strategies. I believe the high road here would be to examine your motives. If you find yourself in an argument ... examine your motives. Ask yourself why you're really arguing. Then ask yourself if that reason is really worth more to you than the relationship you are destroying in the argument.

We like to think that healthy relationships include a healthy dose of arguing. Our society rewards debate teams and other forms of honing one's skills in the art of arguing. But I believe we cross a line from healthy debate or dialogue into argument when we stop seeking to understand or get to the truth --- and start seeking to be right or win. When this happens, the relationship is being damaged, if not destroyed. I'm a firm believer in picking your battles. So the best way to settle an argument is to decide beforehand if it's really worth it.