Dear Victorious,
I know you've addressed masturbation and maybe some other sexual questions in the past. But can you tell me what exactly good sex consists of? I'm a Christian of course, and am taught that God created sex and wants it to be good. So how exactly does sex become good sex?
Natalie S. - Livingston, TX
Dear Natalie,
For starters, good sex is limited to the context of marriage. Anything outside of a committed marriage is ungodly --- meaning it won't be blessed by God because it isn't pleasing to Him. Once inside a committed marriage then, sexual intercourse is the celebration of the relationship. Therefore, the relationship must be worth celebrating. Each of you must have completely forgiven the other and extended God's grace to each other. Each of you should have sought God together. For example, a couple that prays together is more likely to have a satisfying sex life.
The thing is it's not the mechanics of sexual intercourse, or the timing that make a sex life good. Rather it is the lack of guilt or shame or anger in the relationship, and steady supply of good feelings and attitudes that come from God's grace and leadership in the marriage.
Again, sexual intercourse is the celebration of the relationship. Make sure you have a relationship that's worth celebrating - and you'll have God's favor in pursuing a satisfying sexual dimension to that relationship.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Freedom
Dear Victorious,
The Bible says that the truth shall set us free. We sing songs about freedom and it seems that freedom is one of the key themes of Christianity. What exactly is freedom? How would you define it?
Edna P. - Metairie, LA
Dear Edna,
Freedom is often thought of in the simplest of terms. Most people tend to think that freedom means being able to do whatever they want, whenever they want. But true freedom is actually obedience to God and having the wisdom and discernment to know what not to do. So the Truth (Jesus) that sets us free releases us from the bondage of ignorance and the habitual bondage of sin - doing wrong things.
The Bible says that the truth shall set us free. We sing songs about freedom and it seems that freedom is one of the key themes of Christianity. What exactly is freedom? How would you define it?
Edna P. - Metairie, LA
Dear Edna,
Freedom is often thought of in the simplest of terms. Most people tend to think that freedom means being able to do whatever they want, whenever they want. But true freedom is actually obedience to God and having the wisdom and discernment to know what not to do. So the Truth (Jesus) that sets us free releases us from the bondage of ignorance and the habitual bondage of sin - doing wrong things.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Bible Reading
Dear Victorious,
I know that we are supposed to read our Bibles every single day. Honestly I try, but I just can't seem to get this habit firmly established. Do you have any advice on how I can get there?
Ted M. - Celina, TX
Dear Ted,
What worked for me was to start small. I picked up a pocket devotional, with a short page and Bible verse to be read each day. It took me about a year or so to get that habit established, where I could do that daily. Eventually I "graduated" up to my Bible. My teen-age son recently started something called the "One Minute Bible." It's actually a devotional that can be read in a minute each day. I'm surprised at his faithfulness to read it. Taking small steps like this does wonders to build the habit.
You can buy all sorts of daily devotional books at any Christian book store or kiosk. But two that I recommend are also available on-line. They are:
My Utmost for His Highest - by Oswald Chambers
http://www.myutmost.org/
Insight for Leaders - by A. W. Tozer
http://www.litmin.org/tozer.php?t=27
I know that we are supposed to read our Bibles every single day. Honestly I try, but I just can't seem to get this habit firmly established. Do you have any advice on how I can get there?
Ted M. - Celina, TX
Dear Ted,
What worked for me was to start small. I picked up a pocket devotional, with a short page and Bible verse to be read each day. It took me about a year or so to get that habit established, where I could do that daily. Eventually I "graduated" up to my Bible. My teen-age son recently started something called the "One Minute Bible." It's actually a devotional that can be read in a minute each day. I'm surprised at his faithfulness to read it. Taking small steps like this does wonders to build the habit.
You can buy all sorts of daily devotional books at any Christian book store or kiosk. But two that I recommend are also available on-line. They are:
My Utmost for His Highest - by Oswald Chambers
http://www.myutmost.org/
Insight for Leaders - by A. W. Tozer
http://www.litmin.org/tozer.php?t=27
Monday, September 27, 2010
Marriage Secrets
Dear Victorious,
My fiance and I are planning our wedding for next April and would like to write our own vows. We're thinking that the wedding vows should relate to the priorities that the marriage will have. That said, what is the secret to a good marriage? What are the priorities in a godly marriage?
Tyler E. - Longview, TX
Dear Tyler,
Well, there are probably dozens of opinions about what that answer should be. I'm assuming you want my opinion though. So let me answer based on two things. First is my faith in Jesus Christ and submission to His priorities in my life. Second is my personal experience of being married for 26 years.
People talk about marriages that last. You may hear a comment like, "They've been married for 26 years." Or some might say something like, "Our marriage has lasted for 26 years." But I think the distinction needs to be made between the duration of time and the definition of success in a marriage.
I don't think a successful should be defined by the duration of time. My grandparents, for example, were married for over 50 years. They slept in separate bedrooms for as long as I knew them. They kept their money separate and my grandmother spoke badly about my grandfather behind his back. I never saw them kiss, hug or hold hands. I never knew them to show any kind of affection toward each other. They never even spoke well of each other. Would you call that a successful marriage?
The thing is God designed marriage to be so much more than that. Woman was given to man as a complement to him. She completed him and made him whole. That's the picture of a successful marriage. We are best friends. We truly admire each other and hold each other in high regard. And there's never a day when the people in this marriage ever wish that they weren't. So how do you get such a marriage? That is the question.
I believe the highest priority we can make toward building a successful marriage is to put God first in the marriage. That means each person in the marriage is committed to and devoted to serving and obeying Jesus Christ in all aspects of their lives. They don't make decisions without Him. Any decisions - including the decision to marry! Along with that priority will come a secondary priority, which is all about compromise. When we commit to serve and obey Christ, we lay aside our right to be right, our right to have our way.
My fiance and I are planning our wedding for next April and would like to write our own vows. We're thinking that the wedding vows should relate to the priorities that the marriage will have. That said, what is the secret to a good marriage? What are the priorities in a godly marriage?
Tyler E. - Longview, TX
Dear Tyler,
Well, there are probably dozens of opinions about what that answer should be. I'm assuming you want my opinion though. So let me answer based on two things. First is my faith in Jesus Christ and submission to His priorities in my life. Second is my personal experience of being married for 26 years.
People talk about marriages that last. You may hear a comment like, "They've been married for 26 years." Or some might say something like, "Our marriage has lasted for 26 years." But I think the distinction needs to be made between the duration of time and the definition of success in a marriage.
I don't think a successful should be defined by the duration of time. My grandparents, for example, were married for over 50 years. They slept in separate bedrooms for as long as I knew them. They kept their money separate and my grandmother spoke badly about my grandfather behind his back. I never saw them kiss, hug or hold hands. I never knew them to show any kind of affection toward each other. They never even spoke well of each other. Would you call that a successful marriage?
The thing is God designed marriage to be so much more than that. Woman was given to man as a complement to him. She completed him and made him whole. That's the picture of a successful marriage. We are best friends. We truly admire each other and hold each other in high regard. And there's never a day when the people in this marriage ever wish that they weren't. So how do you get such a marriage? That is the question.
I believe the highest priority we can make toward building a successful marriage is to put God first in the marriage. That means each person in the marriage is committed to and devoted to serving and obeying Jesus Christ in all aspects of their lives. They don't make decisions without Him. Any decisions - including the decision to marry! Along with that priority will come a secondary priority, which is all about compromise. When we commit to serve and obey Christ, we lay aside our right to be right, our right to have our way.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Good & Evil
Dear Victorious,
What exactly a "Polly anna attitude?" Wouldn't all Christians fall into this category?
Sheila T. - St. Paul, MN
Dear Sheila,
I don't know if defining the term "Polly anna" is such a worthwhile endeavor to take on. Suffice to say that it's cynically meant to trivialize those who tend to see the good in everything. The fact of the matter is our souls become filters, as we mature, through which we perceive good and evil. The pure (those who have Christ in control of their lives) learn to see goodness and purity, even in this evil world. But corrupt and unbelieving people find evil in everything because their evil minds and hearts shade even the good that they see or hear.
What exactly a "Polly anna attitude?" Wouldn't all Christians fall into this category?
Sheila T. - St. Paul, MN
Dear Sheila,
I don't know if defining the term "Polly anna" is such a worthwhile endeavor to take on. Suffice to say that it's cynically meant to trivialize those who tend to see the good in everything. The fact of the matter is our souls become filters, as we mature, through which we perceive good and evil. The pure (those who have Christ in control of their lives) learn to see goodness and purity, even in this evil world. But corrupt and unbelieving people find evil in everything because their evil minds and hearts shade even the good that they see or hear.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Jesus' Miracles
Dear Victorious,
Jesus performed several miracles during His time here on earth. And when our preacher talks about one of them, he talks as if they are the thing that made Jesus so special. Honestly, didn't Satan do the same miracles? Are the miracles of Jesus really that relevant to His story then?
Candace R. - Las Vegas, NV
Dear Candace,
Some people point to the miracles performed by Jesus and think they're significant because they demonstrated His awesome power. While that may be true, the fact is that Satan has many of the same power to perform feats that humans would consider miraculous. So what set Jesus' miracles apart was their purpose. Jesus' miracles had the purpose of helping to heal people that were broken and to point people to God. That's a purpose Satan could never share.
Jesus performed several miracles during His time here on earth. And when our preacher talks about one of them, he talks as if they are the thing that made Jesus so special. Honestly, didn't Satan do the same miracles? Are the miracles of Jesus really that relevant to His story then?
Candace R. - Las Vegas, NV
Dear Candace,
Some people point to the miracles performed by Jesus and think they're significant because they demonstrated His awesome power. While that may be true, the fact is that Satan has many of the same power to perform feats that humans would consider miraculous. So what set Jesus' miracles apart was their purpose. Jesus' miracles had the purpose of helping to heal people that were broken and to point people to God. That's a purpose Satan could never share.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Learn To Pray
Dear Victor,
I want to be better at prayer. Seriously, I'd like to become a real prayer warrior. I've seen some people pray and it seems like they pray with all the power and zeal of an angel of God. I guess maybe it's a gift some people have. I don't think I have it. But the question is could I acquire that gift in some way? Is there a class or book you'd recommend for someone who wants to be better at prayer?
Charlene M. - Springfield, MO
Dear Charlene,
I don't think prayer can really be taught by principles or rules, or learned through seminars or books. Rather prayer has to be developed out of a heartfelt need and desire. If I say, for example, "I ought to pray ..." (about anything) I will soon run out of motivation and probably quit praying.
Effective prayer that comes from the heart works just the opposite way though. The more we pray the more we sense the need to pray - and the more desire we have to pray. So if you want to be better at prayer, look at the condition of your heart. What are the things that you care about? Are they the things God cares about?
I'm aware that there are all kinds of books, seminars and other formats that purport to teach us how to pray. However, I will argue that heartfelt need that is aligned with God's heart will trump those every time. We should just view prayer as that time of communing my heart with God's over things that we both care deeply about.
I want to be better at prayer. Seriously, I'd like to become a real prayer warrior. I've seen some people pray and it seems like they pray with all the power and zeal of an angel of God. I guess maybe it's a gift some people have. I don't think I have it. But the question is could I acquire that gift in some way? Is there a class or book you'd recommend for someone who wants to be better at prayer?
Charlene M. - Springfield, MO
Dear Charlene,
I don't think prayer can really be taught by principles or rules, or learned through seminars or books. Rather prayer has to be developed out of a heartfelt need and desire. If I say, for example, "I ought to pray ..." (about anything) I will soon run out of motivation and probably quit praying.
Effective prayer that comes from the heart works just the opposite way though. The more we pray the more we sense the need to pray - and the more desire we have to pray. So if you want to be better at prayer, look at the condition of your heart. What are the things that you care about? Are they the things God cares about?
I'm aware that there are all kinds of books, seminars and other formats that purport to teach us how to pray. However, I will argue that heartfelt need that is aligned with God's heart will trump those every time. We should just view prayer as that time of communing my heart with God's over things that we both care deeply about.
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