Stubborn

Dear Victor,

My wife says that I am stubborn and that it is wrecking our marriage. I come from a long line of German people and we've always considered stubbornness a virtue. After all it's about being intentional, single-minded and confident. What can I do to lead my wife to a better conclusion about my stubbornness?

Ralph Y. - Germantown, MD

Dear Ralph,

I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree with me on this one. Blaming your stubbornness on your German heritage is a cop out. It's buying into the lie that our culture trumps virtue. (It never has.)

Stubbornness is rooted in self centeredness. Of course those who are stubborn have great difficulty seeing that. It's hard for them to imagine that their stubbornness could ever be their fault. So it would take a brave man to first admit that he is stubborn (which is not a virtue) and then to honestly seek the truth about why he is that way.

Perhaps you've already come to the conclusion that you are stubborn. Now you just have to admit that it's a character defect and start treating it that way.