Dear Victorious,
It seems foolish to bail out American car companies. Yet we are spending a vast amount of money. If you were president of the U.S., what would you do about GM and Chrysler?
Toyota Fan
Dear Toyota,
I don't think most Americans can appreciate the economic impact the "big three" American car companies have. Losing them would be catastrophic. They've driven much in the way of jobs in America, to say nothing of the technological innovations they've helped usher in. Simply put, making cars in America has been very good for America.
Each of the "big three" American car companies seems to have caught up with their Asian counterparts --- and is manufacturing very high quality these days. It used to be that there was a wide gap between the quality of American cars and the quality of Asian or European cars. That gap has all but disappeared - so they are each churning out high quality products.
Keep in mind that each of the "big three" American car companies also have big overseas units. GM's Holden brand in Australia and the Vauxhall brand in Europe are both market leaders. Ford and Chrysler both sell under their brands in many countries. Chevrolet and Buick are top sellers in China. While these companies have lost market share in the U.S. to the Asian car companies --- the same is not true outside of the U.S. They each have respectable market share in other markets and have been able to hold onto it. Those are profits that come back to America.
So what would I do if I were president and they asked me for a bailout? I would do one of two things. First, I would force them into bankruptcy (Chapter 11) to reorganize. This would break the unions' and their strangling hold on the manufacturers for salaries, retirement and health care. In the Chapter 11, I'd bust up the pension plan and replace it with a 401K matching plan. In short, I'd use bankruptcy to put these manufacturers on equal footing with their foreign counterparts. Then I'd let them proceed in the open market.
Consider, for example, that Delta airlines did something similar. After emerging from bankruptcy, it acquired Northwest and is now the largest airline in the world - still based in America and still successful.
The second option would be to force Toyota, Nissan and other foreign car makers to buy GM and Chrysler if they wanted to continue to sell cars in America. Over time they could rationalize those acquisitions and even make the brands disappear if they wanted. But they would have to commit to manufacturing here and providing jobs for Americans in their operations. In other words, I'd hand the problem of maintaining and auto industry in America to the people who want to sell cars in America.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Newspapers Going
Dear Victorious,
What gives with the newspapers in this country? Why are they losing money and even going out of business?
Concerned Reader
Dear Concerned,
Because they are less relevant than ever before.
First, people can now get their news needs met via the plethora of news shows (including entertainment and sports news) on cable TV, on the Internet, etc. It used to be the newspaper was the only place to go for comprehensive news. Today, we have things like Google alerts that can even browse all the newspapers of the world and feed us articles on the things we're most interested in. We don't even have to read the newspapers to find out what's in them!
Second, Americans are becoming more ignorant than ever before. Simply put, we don't care about the news. We don't know much about the world around us and don't care to know. We're quite happy being entertained, or worshipping our gods of celebrity, fashion, etc. This is even more true of our younger generations. They simply see no need to be up on the news of the day. They don't value knowledge of current events. In fact, they put a higher value on texting their friends, achieving the next higher level in the latest video game or being entertained at the latest movie. They're ignorant (i.e., uninformed) and they're quite happy to stay that way.
Third, as readership has declined (and paid subscriptions with it), the newspapers cannot get the same money from advertisers that they used to. Even if your local paper is still chock full of advertising and inserts, it is likely that the retailers paid less to stuff the paper with those things than they used to --- because there are less newspapers being delivered or sold than there used to be.
So with revenue from subscription and newsstand sales declining, and advertising revenue declining, but costs for labor and print materials - and costs for worthwhile content escalating --- it becomes a simple numbers formula for the newspapers of today. Their business model is slowly being disenfranchised.
Look for more newspapers to disappear in America. With any luck, their owners can reinvent themselves as media or information companies and survive. If not, they'll disappear too.
What gives with the newspapers in this country? Why are they losing money and even going out of business?
Concerned Reader
Dear Concerned,
Because they are less relevant than ever before.
First, people can now get their news needs met via the plethora of news shows (including entertainment and sports news) on cable TV, on the Internet, etc. It used to be the newspaper was the only place to go for comprehensive news. Today, we have things like Google alerts that can even browse all the newspapers of the world and feed us articles on the things we're most interested in. We don't even have to read the newspapers to find out what's in them!
Second, Americans are becoming more ignorant than ever before. Simply put, we don't care about the news. We don't know much about the world around us and don't care to know. We're quite happy being entertained, or worshipping our gods of celebrity, fashion, etc. This is even more true of our younger generations. They simply see no need to be up on the news of the day. They don't value knowledge of current events. In fact, they put a higher value on texting their friends, achieving the next higher level in the latest video game or being entertained at the latest movie. They're ignorant (i.e., uninformed) and they're quite happy to stay that way.
Third, as readership has declined (and paid subscriptions with it), the newspapers cannot get the same money from advertisers that they used to. Even if your local paper is still chock full of advertising and inserts, it is likely that the retailers paid less to stuff the paper with those things than they used to --- because there are less newspapers being delivered or sold than there used to be.
So with revenue from subscription and newsstand sales declining, and advertising revenue declining, but costs for labor and print materials - and costs for worthwhile content escalating --- it becomes a simple numbers formula for the newspapers of today. Their business model is slowly being disenfranchised.
Look for more newspapers to disappear in America. With any luck, their owners can reinvent themselves as media or information companies and survive. If not, they'll disappear too.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Raising Children
Dear Victorious,
The Bible speaks of children as blessings from God, etc. But it seems that society sees children more as a burden. The newspapers are full of stories about the problems with children. Educating them, pulling them out of poverty, making them behave and other issues seem to be constantly in front of us. Isn't this a dichotomy of sorts?
Love My Children
Dear Love,
Yes, the Biblical truth of the matter is that children are blessings from God. However, they do present society with a dichotomy. While an individual mother or father may truly love their child, that is not the child that society struggles with.
Indeed, society struggles with the exception children. They are the children who have natural issues - such as handicaps, orphans, and expensive or heartbreaking diseases. Those rub society the wrong way. Then there are the unnatural issues with children - such as child abuse, sexual slavery, kidnapping and of course, children who are rebellious. These natural and unnatural problems that stare us in the face.
If it were not for these natural and unnatural problems, everyone would find joy in children in general. But society as a whole would still be challenged. Education, health care, economic opportunities as they mature and other issues would still challenge our governments - and impact our tax base. So while individuals would embrace children, the society as a whole would still find the dichotomy as present as ever.
Make no mistake, children are a blessing from God. But blessings often arrive with great responsibility.
The Bible speaks of children as blessings from God, etc. But it seems that society sees children more as a burden. The newspapers are full of stories about the problems with children. Educating them, pulling them out of poverty, making them behave and other issues seem to be constantly in front of us. Isn't this a dichotomy of sorts?
Love My Children
Dear Love,
Yes, the Biblical truth of the matter is that children are blessings from God. However, they do present society with a dichotomy. While an individual mother or father may truly love their child, that is not the child that society struggles with.
Indeed, society struggles with the exception children. They are the children who have natural issues - such as handicaps, orphans, and expensive or heartbreaking diseases. Those rub society the wrong way. Then there are the unnatural issues with children - such as child abuse, sexual slavery, kidnapping and of course, children who are rebellious. These natural and unnatural problems that stare us in the face.
If it were not for these natural and unnatural problems, everyone would find joy in children in general. But society as a whole would still be challenged. Education, health care, economic opportunities as they mature and other issues would still challenge our governments - and impact our tax base. So while individuals would embrace children, the society as a whole would still find the dichotomy as present as ever.
Make no mistake, children are a blessing from God. But blessings often arrive with great responsibility.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Mortgage Help
Dear Victorious,
We keep hearing about the mortgage crisis in America and the government is talking about helping homeowners with their mortgages. I'm not unemployed, but my mortgage has always been a burden and I'd like some relief. Moreover, our house isn't worth what we owe on it and we don't want to pay more for something than it's really worth. How can we qualify for this mortgage assistance and when will it be available?
Strapped for Cash
Dear Strapped,
There may be homeowners who are truly in financial crisis and may be deserving of some public assistance with their housing expenses right now. I doubt very much that you are one of them. Many of today's delinquent mortgage borrowers could in fact afford to pay for their own housing expenses. But they find themselves in one of two (if not both) predicaments.
First, they may have bought more home than they could afford. Or they may have used a mortgage to buy that home that was simply stupid. For example, it may have had a teaser rate that gave them unrealistically low housing expenses up front --- and then climbed to a normal payment rate later. When it climbed, the homeowner is faced with the fact that he or she cannot afford to live in this house!
Second, they may have made a bad real estate investment decision. They find that home prices didn't appreciate and instead declined. And now their house is not worth what they owe on it. So they don't want to pay for it. Instead, they think the banks (which are failing right and left) should pay for their bad investment decision. Or the government.
Both of these situations are caused by moral failure. If you were not already living above your means, and if you had an unforeseeable financial crisis --- then I would think you may be deserving of some short term public assistance. But if that is not the case, then I believe you are guilty. In which case, I hope and pray that the government doesn't use its already stretched resources to help you out!
We keep hearing about the mortgage crisis in America and the government is talking about helping homeowners with their mortgages. I'm not unemployed, but my mortgage has always been a burden and I'd like some relief. Moreover, our house isn't worth what we owe on it and we don't want to pay more for something than it's really worth. How can we qualify for this mortgage assistance and when will it be available?
Strapped for Cash
Dear Strapped,
There may be homeowners who are truly in financial crisis and may be deserving of some public assistance with their housing expenses right now. I doubt very much that you are one of them. Many of today's delinquent mortgage borrowers could in fact afford to pay for their own housing expenses. But they find themselves in one of two (if not both) predicaments.
First, they may have bought more home than they could afford. Or they may have used a mortgage to buy that home that was simply stupid. For example, it may have had a teaser rate that gave them unrealistically low housing expenses up front --- and then climbed to a normal payment rate later. When it climbed, the homeowner is faced with the fact that he or she cannot afford to live in this house!
Second, they may have made a bad real estate investment decision. They find that home prices didn't appreciate and instead declined. And now their house is not worth what they owe on it. So they don't want to pay for it. Instead, they think the banks (which are failing right and left) should pay for their bad investment decision. Or the government.
Both of these situations are caused by moral failure. If you were not already living above your means, and if you had an unforeseeable financial crisis --- then I would think you may be deserving of some short term public assistance. But if that is not the case, then I believe you are guilty. In which case, I hope and pray that the government doesn't use its already stretched resources to help you out!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
TIME OUT
There will be no posts on this blog for a couple of weeks now. You can keep sending your letters though, and I'll resume answering them in a couple weeks.
I'm leaving today for another trip to Uganda. I'll be spending some time with our adopted children there, and attending to some business related to them. I'll also be teaching at a conference in Masaka, Uganda. If you'd like to know more about Masaka - read my main blog at VictoriousConqueror.blogspot.com (link below).
I'm leaving today for another trip to Uganda. I'll be spending some time with our adopted children there, and attending to some business related to them. I'll also be teaching at a conference in Masaka, Uganda. If you'd like to know more about Masaka - read my main blog at VictoriousConqueror.blogspot.com (link below).
Friday, February 13, 2009
Knowing Sin
Dear Victorious,
You've written before about "owning one's brokenness" or recognizing our own sinful state. Just how do you propose someone go about that? And exactly when is it that one would be finished with that task?
Saved By Grace
Dear Saved,
You ask a very good question. There are probably multiple parts to the answer. The first part would be to understand what sin is --- and isn't. God's laws are useful, we're told, for helping us know what sin is. God established the measures for right and wrong in His Word. So read your Bible and make now of what we supposed to do and what we are not supposed to do.
Before you even start reading God's Word though, you have a conscience. God uses it to move you away from things He doesn't want for you. So without intellectual knowledge of what's right and what's wrong, you innately know some level of right and wrong. At the same time, you instinctively know where you're wrong. Watch a toddler tell a lie or steal a cookie. He or she already knows what they're doing is wrong. It proves that on some level we are capable of knowing we're wrong - even before we become educated about right and wrong. So look inside yourself to see what brokenness you already know about it.
The next step is to take a full-blown inventory of your wrongs.
You've written before about "owning one's brokenness" or recognizing our own sinful state. Just how do you propose someone go about that? And exactly when is it that one would be finished with that task?
Saved By Grace
Dear Saved,
You ask a very good question. There are probably multiple parts to the answer. The first part would be to understand what sin is --- and isn't. God's laws are useful, we're told, for helping us know what sin is. God established the measures for right and wrong in His Word. So read your Bible and make now of what we supposed to do and what we are not supposed to do.
Before you even start reading God's Word though, you have a conscience. God uses it to move you away from things He doesn't want for you. So without intellectual knowledge of what's right and what's wrong, you innately know some level of right and wrong. At the same time, you instinctively know where you're wrong. Watch a toddler tell a lie or steal a cookie. He or she already knows what they're doing is wrong. It proves that on some level we are capable of knowing we're wrong - even before we become educated about right and wrong. So look inside yourself to see what brokenness you already know about it.
The next step is to take a full-blown inventory of your wrongs.
- Make a list of all the people who've ever offended, cheated, hurt, slighted or otherwise wronged you. Now ask yourself if you've forgiven them and how reconciled you are to them.
- Make a list of all the people you've ever offended, cheated, hurt, slighted or otherwise wronged. Now ask yourself if you've made amends to them, and paid restitution where necessary.
- Make a list of the people who've been affected, either directly or indirectly, by your sin.
- Make a list of people against whom you hold a grudge or some bitterness, resentment, jealousy or anger. Ask yourself what it's going to take to be reconciled in Christian love to them.
- Make a list of habits or behaviors you have that you know are wrong. Cussing, laziness, greed, lust, judgmental attitudes, cynicism, sarcasm, overeating, drinking too much and other behaviors are common to many of us. They are also wrong.
You can see that these lists will help you identify your brokenness. Once you've identified all of it, keep that list up to date for the rest of your life. In other words, manage your inventory. As you identify these wrongs, there will be a corrective action for you to take. It may mean apologizing and making restitution. It may mean praying or asking for prayer. So make sure you've got your lists up to date, and make sure the appropriate action items are pending for everything on the list.
Finally, there is one last step to owning your brokenness. James 5:16 tells us, "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed (of your sins)." What exactly does this mean? There are several places in the Bible where are told to confess our sins to God, in the name of Christ Jesus, and we are forgiven. This is very true. However, God says that if we want to be healed of these sin patterns in our life, if we want to overcome the damages of our sins, then we must confess them to another human being.
So the final part of owning your brokenness, or knowing that you are spiritually poor and in need of a Savior, is to confess your sins - all of them - to someone else. Pick a saint, someone who is trustworthy, and decide to trust them. Be intentional about your confession. Make an appointment. "Hi Joe, listen I've got some things I'd like to confess to you. Would Monday at 9:00 be good for you to meet with me about that?" (It is that easy!) Then have a written list of the things you need to confess and get through it when you meet with Joe.
I believe there is enormous, underestimated merit to living what I call an examined life. Living an examined life means taking an honest and thorough inventory of ourselves, and keeping that inventory up to date. Living an examined life cannot be done alone though. It requires that we stand spiritually naked in front of at least one other human being. In other words, make sure that someone else (besides you) knows the very worst that there is to be known about you.
These, my friend, are definitive steps to "owning one's brokenness." Jesus said, "Blessed are those who know they are spiritually poor." (Matthew 5). I don't know about you, but I want to be blessed. So I'm intent on knowing my spiritual poverty!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Cutting Back
Dear Victorious,
In this tight economy, it seems everyone is tightening their belts, or cutting back on their spending. As Christians, it seems like good stewardship would dictate this anyway. But I've learned that what everyone else is doing isn't always right. Are there any places we should not be cutting back financially right now?
Big Spender
Dear Big,
In a tough economy like ours, we’re all looking for areas where we can trim our expenses. It is good, Christ-honoring stewardship to reassess where we’re spending money, for what, and why.
You ask a good question though, and your hunch was right. There are at least two sound bits of counsel from Scripture for these tough times.
First, don’t stop giving to help the poor. Beyond the obvious fact that there are many more people who need help when there is an economic downturn, there is also an important benefit for you when you give to help alleviate the sufferings of the poor. God’s Word promises, “He who gives to the poor will not lack, but he who hides his eyes will have many curses.” (Proverbs 28:27) A safeguard against experiencing lack yourself is to give to help those who are in serious need.
As this verse warns, this is no time to look the other way. This is no time to invite curses on our finances. Now is the time for compassionate Christians to empathize with those suffering hardships and help lift them to a better life, and do this in Jesus’ name.
Second, don’t stop giving to missions. Philippians 4:19 is a conditional promise. “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Now read the context. Paul was commending the Philippian church for their generous investment in his missions outreaches. Because they had their priorities right – giving to what is dear to the heart of God – they could bank on God’s provision for them.
Frankly, in times like these I intentionally defy the evil spirit of fear by giving above and beyond what I might typically give. Sometimes this feels like a test of faith, as the economic world tries to close in around me. But we must remember that even though we may feel some of its effects, at the end of the day we are not subject to the whims of the economy. Nor are we influenced by the fears of economists who have no allegiance to Christ’s Kingdom. God will always make provision for the things He calls us to do.
In this tight economy, it seems everyone is tightening their belts, or cutting back on their spending. As Christians, it seems like good stewardship would dictate this anyway. But I've learned that what everyone else is doing isn't always right. Are there any places we should not be cutting back financially right now?
Big Spender
Dear Big,
In a tough economy like ours, we’re all looking for areas where we can trim our expenses. It is good, Christ-honoring stewardship to reassess where we’re spending money, for what, and why.
You ask a good question though, and your hunch was right. There are at least two sound bits of counsel from Scripture for these tough times.
First, don’t stop giving to help the poor. Beyond the obvious fact that there are many more people who need help when there is an economic downturn, there is also an important benefit for you when you give to help alleviate the sufferings of the poor. God’s Word promises, “He who gives to the poor will not lack, but he who hides his eyes will have many curses.” (Proverbs 28:27) A safeguard against experiencing lack yourself is to give to help those who are in serious need.
As this verse warns, this is no time to look the other way. This is no time to invite curses on our finances. Now is the time for compassionate Christians to empathize with those suffering hardships and help lift them to a better life, and do this in Jesus’ name.
Second, don’t stop giving to missions. Philippians 4:19 is a conditional promise. “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Now read the context. Paul was commending the Philippian church for their generous investment in his missions outreaches. Because they had their priorities right – giving to what is dear to the heart of God – they could bank on God’s provision for them.
Frankly, in times like these I intentionally defy the evil spirit of fear by giving above and beyond what I might typically give. Sometimes this feels like a test of faith, as the economic world tries to close in around me. But we must remember that even though we may feel some of its effects, at the end of the day we are not subject to the whims of the economy. Nor are we influenced by the fears of economists who have no allegiance to Christ’s Kingdom. God will always make provision for the things He calls us to do.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Grounds for Divorce?
Dear Victorious,
My wife had an affair with my best friend. I don’t know where to even start with this. I’ve never been one to dwell on my feelings. But she confessed it and immediately asked me to forgive her. How can I forgive her? Look at what she did? And she did it in front of people we know! Wouldn’t the Biblical thing be to just divorce her?
And what about him? Do I have to still be his friend, after what he did to me?
Daniel R.
Dear Daniel,
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I’m sure that none of us can really know what it feels like. We can only imagine the pain, humiliation and other suffering such a revelation inflicted on you.
Certainly divorce is allowed in a Christian marriage that has been broken by the adultery of one partner or the other. So if you are looking for your rights, then you’ve found them. You have the right to divorce your wife immediately. God even says so. On the other hand, you equally have the right to forgive your wife, and try to rebuild this broken marriage.
If I were you, I would do three things.
First, I would look for repentance and remorse in your wife. Is she truly sorry for what she did? Does her commitment to you make it seem unlikely that she would do it again?
Second, I would get on my knees and talk to God long and hard about this. Pour out your heart to Him. Express your feelings --- all of them. Then ask God what He would have you do in this situation.
Third, I would commit to obeying God regardless of what He tells you to do. Keep in mind that He may ask you to remain married --- even if it seems to be the more painful choice for you. The question you’ll have to answer is whether you are willing to pay the price that often comes with obedience to God.
In terms of your friend, you have to forgive him and you have to love him. You do not have to spend time with him or share your life with him. In fact, even if you and your wife stay together, I recommend that you put some distance between you --- to avoid the obvious temptation that he is for your wife and she for him. (Remember, the Bible tells us to flee from temptation!)
Finally, I encourage you to not be too discouraged. I have seen many divorces occur that didn’t have to --- simply because someone thought they were justified in pursuing their rights. Conversely, I’ve seen severely broken marriages restored (or built for the very first time) under the leadership of the Holy Spirit.
Make sure that you’re listening to God so that you don’t miss out on how He may want to bless you through this!
My wife had an affair with my best friend. I don’t know where to even start with this. I’ve never been one to dwell on my feelings. But she confessed it and immediately asked me to forgive her. How can I forgive her? Look at what she did? And she did it in front of people we know! Wouldn’t the Biblical thing be to just divorce her?
And what about him? Do I have to still be his friend, after what he did to me?
Daniel R.
Dear Daniel,
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I’m sure that none of us can really know what it feels like. We can only imagine the pain, humiliation and other suffering such a revelation inflicted on you.
Certainly divorce is allowed in a Christian marriage that has been broken by the adultery of one partner or the other. So if you are looking for your rights, then you’ve found them. You have the right to divorce your wife immediately. God even says so. On the other hand, you equally have the right to forgive your wife, and try to rebuild this broken marriage.
If I were you, I would do three things.
First, I would look for repentance and remorse in your wife. Is she truly sorry for what she did? Does her commitment to you make it seem unlikely that she would do it again?
Second, I would get on my knees and talk to God long and hard about this. Pour out your heart to Him. Express your feelings --- all of them. Then ask God what He would have you do in this situation.
Third, I would commit to obeying God regardless of what He tells you to do. Keep in mind that He may ask you to remain married --- even if it seems to be the more painful choice for you. The question you’ll have to answer is whether you are willing to pay the price that often comes with obedience to God.
In terms of your friend, you have to forgive him and you have to love him. You do not have to spend time with him or share your life with him. In fact, even if you and your wife stay together, I recommend that you put some distance between you --- to avoid the obvious temptation that he is for your wife and she for him. (Remember, the Bible tells us to flee from temptation!)
Finally, I encourage you to not be too discouraged. I have seen many divorces occur that didn’t have to --- simply because someone thought they were justified in pursuing their rights. Conversely, I’ve seen severely broken marriages restored (or built for the very first time) under the leadership of the Holy Spirit.
Make sure that you’re listening to God so that you don’t miss out on how He may want to bless you through this!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Hypocrisy
Dear Victorious,
So many of the Christians I see look like such hypocrites. I realize nobody is perfect and that Christians are still sinners. But it disgusts me and makes me want to stay away from them - and the churches they go to. What should I do?
Earl T. - Santa Fe, N.M.
Dear Earl,
You sound frustrated. That's pretty normal. It would put you on par with Jesus, the Apostle Paul and others who found hypocrisy among the religious. To be sure, hypocrisy is disgusting. But rather than turn away from it, I think you should become a student of it. Examine it, study it and understand its dynamics. When you do, I suspect you will then know what to do with it. (It is difficult to respond effectively to anything with which we are not familiar.)
What is hypocrisy? It is knowing the truth, but not obeying it. People can say that they believe in Jesus, but then not obey Him. Jesus said if we love Him we will obey Him. (Perhaps the hypocrites miss that point!) Hypocrisy is living a self-serving life. Even those who serve or give generously can be doing so for self-serving reasons - instead of out of genuine love for God and others. Hypocrisy reduces faith to rigid rules. People can end up worshipping their church or their religion (denomination) more than they worship God. Hypocrisy is outward conformity without inner reality. Said another way, hypocrisy can often only be seen if we could see the whole person.
To be sure, hypocrisy in any form is sin. What are we to do with such sin in ourselves and others? Confess it to God. Confess it to one another. Pray for each other to be healed of it. And of course forgive it. But beyond that, we are not to be deceived by it. Many people look at the hypocrisy of so-called Christians and then use that as an excuse to stay away from God and the church. The irony in that is when they do this, they themselves are revealing their own hypocrisy!
So in answer to your question, my advice to you about hypocrisy is to understand it and resolve to respond to it in God-honoring ways. Then pray and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you as you work to respond to it that way. Finally, expect God to provide that leading and expect yourself to be more successful at confessing your own hypocrisy to God and someone else, forgiving the hypocrisy of others, and to help you - in community - to turn from hypocrisy toward righteousness and obedience.
As you engage this way, hypocrisy will still be ugly and disgusting, but I doubt very much that it will continue to have such power over you as to control your behaviors towards God and others.
So many of the Christians I see look like such hypocrites. I realize nobody is perfect and that Christians are still sinners. But it disgusts me and makes me want to stay away from them - and the churches they go to. What should I do?
Earl T. - Santa Fe, N.M.
Dear Earl,
You sound frustrated. That's pretty normal. It would put you on par with Jesus, the Apostle Paul and others who found hypocrisy among the religious. To be sure, hypocrisy is disgusting. But rather than turn away from it, I think you should become a student of it. Examine it, study it and understand its dynamics. When you do, I suspect you will then know what to do with it. (It is difficult to respond effectively to anything with which we are not familiar.)
What is hypocrisy? It is knowing the truth, but not obeying it. People can say that they believe in Jesus, but then not obey Him. Jesus said if we love Him we will obey Him. (Perhaps the hypocrites miss that point!) Hypocrisy is living a self-serving life. Even those who serve or give generously can be doing so for self-serving reasons - instead of out of genuine love for God and others. Hypocrisy reduces faith to rigid rules. People can end up worshipping their church or their religion (denomination) more than they worship God. Hypocrisy is outward conformity without inner reality. Said another way, hypocrisy can often only be seen if we could see the whole person.
To be sure, hypocrisy in any form is sin. What are we to do with such sin in ourselves and others? Confess it to God. Confess it to one another. Pray for each other to be healed of it. And of course forgive it. But beyond that, we are not to be deceived by it. Many people look at the hypocrisy of so-called Christians and then use that as an excuse to stay away from God and the church. The irony in that is when they do this, they themselves are revealing their own hypocrisy!
So in answer to your question, my advice to you about hypocrisy is to understand it and resolve to respond to it in God-honoring ways. Then pray and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you as you work to respond to it that way. Finally, expect God to provide that leading and expect yourself to be more successful at confessing your own hypocrisy to God and someone else, forgiving the hypocrisy of others, and to help you - in community - to turn from hypocrisy toward righteousness and obedience.
As you engage this way, hypocrisy will still be ugly and disgusting, but I doubt very much that it will continue to have such power over you as to control your behaviors towards God and others.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Masturbation
Dear Victorious,
Is masturbation a sin?
E.C. - Kansas
Dear E.C.,
That is a difficult question. Masturbation is something of a taboo topic in churches today. It's not talked about. Society, on the other hand, seems to encourage it. I've seen advice columnists call it "normal" and even seem to encourage it. Certainly there is a substantial realm of our society that considers masturbation to be perfectly okay. But even if it were, not everything that's okay is good. No everything that's allowed is recommended. I believe masturbation is one of those things.
To be clear, there is no mention of masturbation in the Bible. Many things are discussed in the Bible and either recommended or forbidden. That masturbation is not leads many to conclude that it is not a sin. I've dealt with this topic in ministry quite a bit, however - and I can tell you that many people who engage in this routinely don't feel good about it. In fact, my observation and experience is that the more Christ-like one becomes, the more that masturbation seems to bother them. It doesn't escape me that the Holy Spirit convicts us of what He doesn't want us doing. Said another way, if your conscience bothers you about it, you shouldn't be doing it.
I will say that masturbation may not be a sin. However, most often it is a practice that is not easily accomplished without sin of some sort. Selfishness, worshipping false gods, lust in your heart for someone other than your wife, pornography and other sins typically accompany masturbation. Indeed, masturbation for most people does not occur outside of these dynamics, even for a single person.
For a married person, we can take the above list of sins, and add to it. A married person who masturbates usually does it in secret ... behind their spouse's back. This would be wrong. When we marry, we give our bodies - including our sexuality - to our spouses. Having any sort of sexual expression without one's spouse then is a sin. So if you are married, then the only way you could masturbate and not have it be a sin would be to do with your spouse's consent, with your spouse present.
Having said these things, I don't put masturbation any higher than any other sin. It behaves much like any other sin and enslaves just like other sins. In fact, it is a common addiction in today's society - behaving like other addictions. It needs to be treated like any other enslaving sin.
So, to answer your question, masturbation in and of itself may or may not be a sin in God's eyes. However, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, etc. - then it is probably a duck. Masturbation looks and acts very much like sin. So if I were you, I would treat it that way. Confess it to God and someone else who is trustworthy (James 5:16), and turn from it. Then commit to expressing your sexuality in God-honoring ways.
Is masturbation a sin?
E.C. - Kansas
Dear E.C.,
That is a difficult question. Masturbation is something of a taboo topic in churches today. It's not talked about. Society, on the other hand, seems to encourage it. I've seen advice columnists call it "normal" and even seem to encourage it. Certainly there is a substantial realm of our society that considers masturbation to be perfectly okay. But even if it were, not everything that's okay is good. No everything that's allowed is recommended. I believe masturbation is one of those things.
To be clear, there is no mention of masturbation in the Bible. Many things are discussed in the Bible and either recommended or forbidden. That masturbation is not leads many to conclude that it is not a sin. I've dealt with this topic in ministry quite a bit, however - and I can tell you that many people who engage in this routinely don't feel good about it. In fact, my observation and experience is that the more Christ-like one becomes, the more that masturbation seems to bother them. It doesn't escape me that the Holy Spirit convicts us of what He doesn't want us doing. Said another way, if your conscience bothers you about it, you shouldn't be doing it.
I will say that masturbation may not be a sin. However, most often it is a practice that is not easily accomplished without sin of some sort. Selfishness, worshipping false gods, lust in your heart for someone other than your wife, pornography and other sins typically accompany masturbation. Indeed, masturbation for most people does not occur outside of these dynamics, even for a single person.
For a married person, we can take the above list of sins, and add to it. A married person who masturbates usually does it in secret ... behind their spouse's back. This would be wrong. When we marry, we give our bodies - including our sexuality - to our spouses. Having any sort of sexual expression without one's spouse then is a sin. So if you are married, then the only way you could masturbate and not have it be a sin would be to do with your spouse's consent, with your spouse present.
Having said these things, I don't put masturbation any higher than any other sin. It behaves much like any other sin and enslaves just like other sins. In fact, it is a common addiction in today's society - behaving like other addictions. It needs to be treated like any other enslaving sin.
So, to answer your question, masturbation in and of itself may or may not be a sin in God's eyes. However, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, etc. - then it is probably a duck. Masturbation looks and acts very much like sin. So if I were you, I would treat it that way. Confess it to God and someone else who is trustworthy (James 5:16), and turn from it. Then commit to expressing your sexuality in God-honoring ways.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Belief Foundations
Dear Victorious,
How can different people believe such different things? How can there be so many different beliefs?
Firm Believer
Dear Firm,
I'm not sure if I'm following your question very well, but I'll take a stab at it. It is easier for us to ask someone to believe. My teen-aged children used to tell me lies ... and expect me to believe them. The world asks us to believe things ... often knowing full well that they aren't true! It seems that belief and truth are not really connected. We can believe in things that aren't true. Conversely, we can not believe in things that are true. Like I said, belief doesn't appear to depend on truth. And that is to the misfortune of mankind!
I've learned that I don't get to pick my beliefs. I can not believe something and go on not believing it for years. But then the facts overwhelm me and I can't not believe any more. I become a believer and can never get rid of the evidence that overwhelmed my disbelief. In this way, I don't believe we are free to choose what we believe. We are only free to seek ... or not seek, the evidence that will form our beliefs.
So, for example, if I seek no evidence, no answers and study or question nothing --- I will still believe. It's just that my beliefs will be based on my ignorance. I can be sincere in my beliefs and I can be devout about my beliefs. But they will still be based on my ignorance. And they could still what we call "false beliefs."
Why do people believe what they believe? I'm not really sure there is an answer to that except for the level of exposure they've had to the truth. People develop their beliefs based on what they're exposed to. If they're exposed to truth, they develop good beliefs. But if they're not, they develop false beliefs (i.e., beliefs in things that aren't true). So to answer your question, people believe what they believe --- because of what they are exposed to.
How can different people believe such different things? How can there be so many different beliefs?
Firm Believer
Dear Firm,
I'm not sure if I'm following your question very well, but I'll take a stab at it. It is easier for us to ask someone to believe. My teen-aged children used to tell me lies ... and expect me to believe them. The world asks us to believe things ... often knowing full well that they aren't true! It seems that belief and truth are not really connected. We can believe in things that aren't true. Conversely, we can not believe in things that are true. Like I said, belief doesn't appear to depend on truth. And that is to the misfortune of mankind!
I've learned that I don't get to pick my beliefs. I can not believe something and go on not believing it for years. But then the facts overwhelm me and I can't not believe any more. I become a believer and can never get rid of the evidence that overwhelmed my disbelief. In this way, I don't believe we are free to choose what we believe. We are only free to seek ... or not seek, the evidence that will form our beliefs.
So, for example, if I seek no evidence, no answers and study or question nothing --- I will still believe. It's just that my beliefs will be based on my ignorance. I can be sincere in my beliefs and I can be devout about my beliefs. But they will still be based on my ignorance. And they could still what we call "false beliefs."
Why do people believe what they believe? I'm not really sure there is an answer to that except for the level of exposure they've had to the truth. People develop their beliefs based on what they're exposed to. If they're exposed to truth, they develop good beliefs. But if they're not, they develop false beliefs (i.e., beliefs in things that aren't true). So to answer your question, people believe what they believe --- because of what they are exposed to.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Spoiled Pets
Dear Victorious,
My sister had cats and a small dog. She babies them, treats them like family and of course spends an inordinate amount of money on them. This all just seems wrong to me on several levels. But I cannot explain why? Is it wrong?
Pets in Moderation
Dear Pets,
Yes, it's wrong. But the reason won't be found in the circumstances. It is not wrong for people to have pets. While we don't have Biblical context to say that everyone should have a pet, we do have Biblical context for the role animals are to play in our lives. They are here for our pleasure, use and consumption. We have dominion over them. It is when we surrender that dominion or get them out of the perspective that God intended them to be in that things get awkward.
We are created to be in relationship with God first, and each other second. You'll never find any place in the Bible where it says we are to be in relationship with animals. The Bible doesn't say that a dog is "man's best friend." Man says that.
So why do people get so fixated on their pets? Because they don't have the community, the fellowship and the human relationships that they need. Why they don't have them may be a point of debate. It could be that they are too lazy. It could be that they don't really love others. It could be that they don't know how to be a friend. It could be any number of things. But the bottom line is that your sister relates so well to dogs and cats because she lacks relationships with God and/or people.
If I were you, I wouldn't judge your sister. But neither would I be confused about what's really going on. God first. People second. Animals to serve us. That is God's order for man's relationships. Anything less is a perversion of God's will for us.
My sister had cats and a small dog. She babies them, treats them like family and of course spends an inordinate amount of money on them. This all just seems wrong to me on several levels. But I cannot explain why? Is it wrong?
Pets in Moderation
Dear Pets,
Yes, it's wrong. But the reason won't be found in the circumstances. It is not wrong for people to have pets. While we don't have Biblical context to say that everyone should have a pet, we do have Biblical context for the role animals are to play in our lives. They are here for our pleasure, use and consumption. We have dominion over them. It is when we surrender that dominion or get them out of the perspective that God intended them to be in that things get awkward.
We are created to be in relationship with God first, and each other second. You'll never find any place in the Bible where it says we are to be in relationship with animals. The Bible doesn't say that a dog is "man's best friend." Man says that.
So why do people get so fixated on their pets? Because they don't have the community, the fellowship and the human relationships that they need. Why they don't have them may be a point of debate. It could be that they are too lazy. It could be that they don't really love others. It could be that they don't know how to be a friend. It could be any number of things. But the bottom line is that your sister relates so well to dogs and cats because she lacks relationships with God and/or people.
If I were you, I wouldn't judge your sister. But neither would I be confused about what's really going on. God first. People second. Animals to serve us. That is God's order for man's relationships. Anything less is a perversion of God's will for us.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Admiration
Dear Victorious,
Who do you admire (besides God)? Why do you admire them?
Wondering
Dear Wondering,
Most of us admire someone for some reason or another. I think it's inherent in our nature to be drawn to role models --- people with characteristics or charms that we would wish for ourselves. I am no exception. In fact, I've at times struggled to walk that delicate line between admiration and jealousy - where I would covet those characteristics or charms (which is never good). So who do I admire and why?
I like great thinkers who are grounded in truth. Several Biblical writers come to mind of course. But in modern times, they are admittedly harder to find. It is easier to know other people by their failures than anything else. I admire people who spend time wrestling with circumstances to look past them and see truth. I admire people who work hard to stay ahead of deception. I admire people who are humble enough to step out of denial --- and keep stepping out of denial.
But the people I admire the most are the people who are the most broken and know it. Jesus said, in His Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5) that those who know they are spiritually poor are blessed. I think that those who truly know their spiritual poverty are also admired. In my case, they are admired because they truly do have something that I would very much wish for myself.
Who do you admire (besides God)? Why do you admire them?
Wondering
Dear Wondering,
Most of us admire someone for some reason or another. I think it's inherent in our nature to be drawn to role models --- people with characteristics or charms that we would wish for ourselves. I am no exception. In fact, I've at times struggled to walk that delicate line between admiration and jealousy - where I would covet those characteristics or charms (which is never good). So who do I admire and why?
I like great thinkers who are grounded in truth. Several Biblical writers come to mind of course. But in modern times, they are admittedly harder to find. It is easier to know other people by their failures than anything else. I admire people who spend time wrestling with circumstances to look past them and see truth. I admire people who work hard to stay ahead of deception. I admire people who are humble enough to step out of denial --- and keep stepping out of denial.
But the people I admire the most are the people who are the most broken and know it. Jesus said, in His Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5) that those who know they are spiritually poor are blessed. I think that those who truly know their spiritual poverty are also admired. In my case, they are admired because they truly do have something that I would very much wish for myself.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Celebrate Recovery
Dear Victorious Conqueror,
I’ve done a little on-line research and find you are not so anonymous. Your name shows up as being associated with Celebrate Recovery. Isn’t this the 12-step program you’ve endorsed for addiction and other recovery issues? Why aren’t you more forthcoming about in your blog? What do you really think of this program?
Fan of CR
Dear Fan,
Yes, I have been associated with Celebrate Recovery, the Christian recovery program developed at Saddleback Church in southern California.. It is a good program and many people have benefited from their involvement in it. (I am one of them!) I’ve worked with several churches who have implemented the Celebrate Recovery program. I don’t publicly endorse it or even recommend it on my web site for two reasons.
First, I don’t think Saddleback Church or the national officials of Celebrate Recovery would appreciate such an endorsement. They work hard to distance themselves from anyone who would try to commercialize the program or its concepts – or exploit it for personal gain (financially or otherwise). So out of respect for John Baker and his national leaders, I’ll let the program sell itself.
Secondly, I have encountered some limitations in the Celebrate Recovery program. It isn’t for everyone. And it isn’t for every church. I think it would be reckless to assume that everyone should go to Celebrate Recovery or that every church should have it. Neither is true.
I have what I believe are some well-grounded observations about Celebrate Recovery. They aren’t necessarily things that Saddleback Church or Celebrate Recovery officials would tell you. But since you asked, I’ll share some of more pertinent of those observations.
- Celebrate Recovery is a wonderful discipleship tool. It is perhaps one of the very best that I’ve seen anywhere. As such, I believe absolutely anyone can benefit from Celebrate Recovery --- even if they think they don’t need it.
- I am not a fan of how Celebrate Recovery is distributed around the country and around the world. Saddleback Church has chosen to make it a grassroots kind of adoption. As such, there are no consistent standards and the program looks and feels lots of different ways in lots of different places. As such, it is impossible to have any expectation of Celebrate Recovery. If I send you to a McDonald’s restaurant in Seattle, I have a pretty good idea of what kind of standard you’ll find there. If I send you to a Methodist church in Seattle, I also have a pretty good idea of what kind of standard you’ll find there. (I call this the franchise standard.) But with Celebrate Recovery, it is entirely a crap shoot. You may find a wonderful program that will minister to you deeply --- or you may find a poorly run program that would wound you. Those odds and variables aren’t acceptable in my mind. I wish Saddleback would take a firmer lead in distributing and managing the franchise.
- I have been to many churches that have Celebrate Recovery. I have found few of them that I thought were good. Most lack senior pastor support. Most are run in an ad hoc manner and are treated like a step-child ministry in the church. As I’ve met with senior pastors and other church officials, I find they are much more willing to invest themselves (financially and otherwise) in other ministries than they are in Celebrate Recovery. Rick Warren says that it has been a “growth engine” for his church. I’ve not found too many pastors who believe him enough to invest in it. Instead, they go looking for growth in other ministries, programs and strategies. I happen to agree with Rick Warren … and think Celebrate Recovery could be a growth engine for any church. Sadly, it isn’t for most churches. (But that is the fault of the churches and their leaders.)
- Finally, I think Celebrate Recovery suffers from too close of an association with secular 12 step programs like AA. All too often I’ve seen what is called “the AA conflict” arise in a church that is trying to do Celebrate Recovery well. The traditional AA crowd will show up and enthusiastically support CR. They will volunteer and serve. But they inevitably think it’s just AA with Jesus on it. When it doesn’t behave like AA, the conflict arises. Celebrate Recovery has to function under the direction of the local church. As such, its leaders must submit to Biblical standards for church leaders. Decisions must be made according to Biblical standards and not to “what the ‘big book’ says on page such-and-such. But it functions too closely to AA, which is confusing to participants.
I am grateful for the impact Celebrate Recovery made in my own life. I’m an eyewitness to the wonderful impact it has made for many people who were trapped in hopeless lives of bondage. But I recognize that it is no panacea or an automatic fix. Celebrate Recovery doesn’t change people. Jesus Christ transforms His obedient people.
So like I said in the beginning, at its best, Celebrate Recovery is a great discipleship tool to teach God’s people who God is and to teach them how to relate to Him and other people effectively.
I’ve done a little on-line research and find you are not so anonymous. Your name shows up as being associated with Celebrate Recovery. Isn’t this the 12-step program you’ve endorsed for addiction and other recovery issues? Why aren’t you more forthcoming about in your blog? What do you really think of this program?
Fan of CR
Dear Fan,
Yes, I have been associated with Celebrate Recovery, the Christian recovery program developed at Saddleback Church in southern California.. It is a good program and many people have benefited from their involvement in it. (I am one of them!) I’ve worked with several churches who have implemented the Celebrate Recovery program. I don’t publicly endorse it or even recommend it on my web site for two reasons.
First, I don’t think Saddleback Church or the national officials of Celebrate Recovery would appreciate such an endorsement. They work hard to distance themselves from anyone who would try to commercialize the program or its concepts – or exploit it for personal gain (financially or otherwise). So out of respect for John Baker and his national leaders, I’ll let the program sell itself.
Secondly, I have encountered some limitations in the Celebrate Recovery program. It isn’t for everyone. And it isn’t for every church. I think it would be reckless to assume that everyone should go to Celebrate Recovery or that every church should have it. Neither is true.
I have what I believe are some well-grounded observations about Celebrate Recovery. They aren’t necessarily things that Saddleback Church or Celebrate Recovery officials would tell you. But since you asked, I’ll share some of more pertinent of those observations.
- Celebrate Recovery is a wonderful discipleship tool. It is perhaps one of the very best that I’ve seen anywhere. As such, I believe absolutely anyone can benefit from Celebrate Recovery --- even if they think they don’t need it.
- I am not a fan of how Celebrate Recovery is distributed around the country and around the world. Saddleback Church has chosen to make it a grassroots kind of adoption. As such, there are no consistent standards and the program looks and feels lots of different ways in lots of different places. As such, it is impossible to have any expectation of Celebrate Recovery. If I send you to a McDonald’s restaurant in Seattle, I have a pretty good idea of what kind of standard you’ll find there. If I send you to a Methodist church in Seattle, I also have a pretty good idea of what kind of standard you’ll find there. (I call this the franchise standard.) But with Celebrate Recovery, it is entirely a crap shoot. You may find a wonderful program that will minister to you deeply --- or you may find a poorly run program that would wound you. Those odds and variables aren’t acceptable in my mind. I wish Saddleback would take a firmer lead in distributing and managing the franchise.
- I have been to many churches that have Celebrate Recovery. I have found few of them that I thought were good. Most lack senior pastor support. Most are run in an ad hoc manner and are treated like a step-child ministry in the church. As I’ve met with senior pastors and other church officials, I find they are much more willing to invest themselves (financially and otherwise) in other ministries than they are in Celebrate Recovery. Rick Warren says that it has been a “growth engine” for his church. I’ve not found too many pastors who believe him enough to invest in it. Instead, they go looking for growth in other ministries, programs and strategies. I happen to agree with Rick Warren … and think Celebrate Recovery could be a growth engine for any church. Sadly, it isn’t for most churches. (But that is the fault of the churches and their leaders.)
- Finally, I think Celebrate Recovery suffers from too close of an association with secular 12 step programs like AA. All too often I’ve seen what is called “the AA conflict” arise in a church that is trying to do Celebrate Recovery well. The traditional AA crowd will show up and enthusiastically support CR. They will volunteer and serve. But they inevitably think it’s just AA with Jesus on it. When it doesn’t behave like AA, the conflict arises. Celebrate Recovery has to function under the direction of the local church. As such, its leaders must submit to Biblical standards for church leaders. Decisions must be made according to Biblical standards and not to “what the ‘big book’ says on page such-and-such. But it functions too closely to AA, which is confusing to participants.
I am grateful for the impact Celebrate Recovery made in my own life. I’m an eyewitness to the wonderful impact it has made for many people who were trapped in hopeless lives of bondage. But I recognize that it is no panacea or an automatic fix. Celebrate Recovery doesn’t change people. Jesus Christ transforms His obedient people.
So like I said in the beginning, at its best, Celebrate Recovery is a great discipleship tool to teach God’s people who God is and to teach them how to relate to Him and other people effectively.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Being Judgmental?
Dear Victorious (or whatever you call yourself),
I think you’re being mean-spirited by correlating addiction with sin. That isn’t very compassionate. And you call yourself a Christian? You should love your neighbor as yourself! I know many people who struggle with addictions and their struggles are real. It isn’t sin or ignorance. So get off your high horse!
Compassionate in NY
Dear Compassionate,
I’m sorry to hear that you disagree with me. But I’m not going to change my story. I have first-hand experience with addiction. I’ve struggled with my own addiction issues for too many years to be naive about the problem. I’ve also worked on staff in a Christian ministry, running a recovery program. So I’ve learned a lot about the solution.
All Scripture is God-breathed and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. (II Timothy 3:16-17)
Did you catch that? Scripture (i.e., God’s Word to mankind) is for teaching, reproof, correction and training in righteousness. God said it Himself. So I’ve learned four key points about addiction recovery that correlate to II Timothy 3:16-17.
1. The thinking of an addict is seriously flawed. It is tainted by a worldview shaped by ignorance, rebellion and deception. Teaching is necessary. We must take away the ignorance, laying truth upon truth so that the addict will be grounded in truth. What are they ignorant about? Who God is; who they are in Christ; God’s promises, God’s ways, God’s love, God’s forgiveness and God’s grace --- for starters.
2. Reproof can be defined as criticism for fault. In other words, the addict must know where he or she is wrong. I call it “owning one’s brokenness.” Jesus said in His Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5), “Blessed are those who know they are spiritually poor.” The problem is, most of us don’t have a clue about our spiritual poverty. We need help to get in touch with our brokenness and need help to know our spiritual poorness. This is absolutely essential when dealing with addictions. It's never enough just to say something like, "I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic."
3. Romans 12:2 tells us to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This means that our understanding, our paradigms, our thinking and our perspectives have all got to change. Simply put, we must change our mind about things, all things. We do that by pursuing God’s perspective on everything. So we must correct our thinking. It has been flawed. That is how we became an addict. Now it must be corrected. That means we become of a new mind about everything.
4. Finally, we must be trained in righteousness. We can’t just take away what is evil and bad in our lives. We must replace the voids with righteousness. If an alcoholic stops drinking, he or she inevitably becomes addicted to cigarettes. If a smoker stops smoking, he or she will usually gain weight from overeating. Oprah Winfrey did a show on this phenomenon once. She called it “addiction transfer,” and described it as moving from one addiction to another. (Poor Oprah. She is so deceived!) There is no such thing as addiction transfer. But if we don’t learn to pursue righteousness, then our sinful natures will prevail – and we’ll either relapse into the same addiction, or acquire a new addiction.
Like I said, I speak from personal experience as well as training and learning from work with people who are addicted. Make no mistake – I have deep love for the addict. But we are called to love him or her into a better place. So if we have to lovingly confront the heart and sin issues that manifest themselves as addictions, then so be it.
I think you’re being mean-spirited by correlating addiction with sin. That isn’t very compassionate. And you call yourself a Christian? You should love your neighbor as yourself! I know many people who struggle with addictions and their struggles are real. It isn’t sin or ignorance. So get off your high horse!
Compassionate in NY
Dear Compassionate,
I’m sorry to hear that you disagree with me. But I’m not going to change my story. I have first-hand experience with addiction. I’ve struggled with my own addiction issues for too many years to be naive about the problem. I’ve also worked on staff in a Christian ministry, running a recovery program. So I’ve learned a lot about the solution.
All Scripture is God-breathed and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. (II Timothy 3:16-17)
Did you catch that? Scripture (i.e., God’s Word to mankind) is for teaching, reproof, correction and training in righteousness. God said it Himself. So I’ve learned four key points about addiction recovery that correlate to II Timothy 3:16-17.
1. The thinking of an addict is seriously flawed. It is tainted by a worldview shaped by ignorance, rebellion and deception. Teaching is necessary. We must take away the ignorance, laying truth upon truth so that the addict will be grounded in truth. What are they ignorant about? Who God is; who they are in Christ; God’s promises, God’s ways, God’s love, God’s forgiveness and God’s grace --- for starters.
2. Reproof can be defined as criticism for fault. In other words, the addict must know where he or she is wrong. I call it “owning one’s brokenness.” Jesus said in His Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5), “Blessed are those who know they are spiritually poor.” The problem is, most of us don’t have a clue about our spiritual poverty. We need help to get in touch with our brokenness and need help to know our spiritual poorness. This is absolutely essential when dealing with addictions. It's never enough just to say something like, "I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic."
3. Romans 12:2 tells us to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This means that our understanding, our paradigms, our thinking and our perspectives have all got to change. Simply put, we must change our mind about things, all things. We do that by pursuing God’s perspective on everything. So we must correct our thinking. It has been flawed. That is how we became an addict. Now it must be corrected. That means we become of a new mind about everything.
4. Finally, we must be trained in righteousness. We can’t just take away what is evil and bad in our lives. We must replace the voids with righteousness. If an alcoholic stops drinking, he or she inevitably becomes addicted to cigarettes. If a smoker stops smoking, he or she will usually gain weight from overeating. Oprah Winfrey did a show on this phenomenon once. She called it “addiction transfer,” and described it as moving from one addiction to another. (Poor Oprah. She is so deceived!) There is no such thing as addiction transfer. But if we don’t learn to pursue righteousness, then our sinful natures will prevail – and we’ll either relapse into the same addiction, or acquire a new addiction.
Like I said, I speak from personal experience as well as training and learning from work with people who are addicted. Make no mistake – I have deep love for the addict. But we are called to love him or her into a better place. So if we have to lovingly confront the heart and sin issues that manifest themselves as addictions, then so be it.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Condolences
Dear Victorious,
A friend’s mother died recently, and I found it awkward. I couldn’t think of anything to say, and though I usually like to spend time with this friend, I found myself avoiding him. I didn’t really know her either, so couldn’t say anything witty about her or her life. What could I have said in such a situation without creeping him out?
Friend of Jackson
Dear Friend,
The awkwardness you felt is probably normal. Death is an odd phenomenon. We don’t know what to do with it most of the time. It may help if you begin to think of death as a part of life (which it is). Life isn’t just about the living part. It’s about being conceived, being born, dying and all the years in between. Death is just the natural conclusion to a great story!
You don’t need a lot of words to say something effective. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” That’s a good place to start. Acknowledge the obvious, show support and sympathy.
“Is there anything I can do to support you (as you go through this difficult time)?” Offer a sincere hand. Most people will decline any help. Perhaps they’re independent. Perhaps they don’t believe you really mean it. Perhaps they are so stricken with grief that they don’t know what they need help with. So look around, and see if anything needs done that could be helpful. Watch their kids. Mow their grass. Invite them out for a movie or card game. Do for them what you might appreciate someone doing for you if you were in a similar situation.
Finally, you could ask questions. If you didn’t know their mother, you might say something like, “Gee, I didn’t know your mother, but if you feel up to it I’d love to hear about her. What was she like?” Create an opening for them to talk about their loss. And then be a good listener.
Saying something appropriate for the death of a loved one isn’t like making a speech or proposing a toast. It is about extending a warm hand of friendship and love to support the individuals who experienced the loss. It is about showing respect for the dead.
What’s in your heart? If you truly love the person you feel compelled to speak to – you’ll find the right words. And if you find you don’t truly love that person, then a simple show of respect with no words would be completely sufficient.
A friend’s mother died recently, and I found it awkward. I couldn’t think of anything to say, and though I usually like to spend time with this friend, I found myself avoiding him. I didn’t really know her either, so couldn’t say anything witty about her or her life. What could I have said in such a situation without creeping him out?
Friend of Jackson
Dear Friend,
The awkwardness you felt is probably normal. Death is an odd phenomenon. We don’t know what to do with it most of the time. It may help if you begin to think of death as a part of life (which it is). Life isn’t just about the living part. It’s about being conceived, being born, dying and all the years in between. Death is just the natural conclusion to a great story!
You don’t need a lot of words to say something effective. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” That’s a good place to start. Acknowledge the obvious, show support and sympathy.
“Is there anything I can do to support you (as you go through this difficult time)?” Offer a sincere hand. Most people will decline any help. Perhaps they’re independent. Perhaps they don’t believe you really mean it. Perhaps they are so stricken with grief that they don’t know what they need help with. So look around, and see if anything needs done that could be helpful. Watch their kids. Mow their grass. Invite them out for a movie or card game. Do for them what you might appreciate someone doing for you if you were in a similar situation.
Finally, you could ask questions. If you didn’t know their mother, you might say something like, “Gee, I didn’t know your mother, but if you feel up to it I’d love to hear about her. What was she like?” Create an opening for them to talk about their loss. And then be a good listener.
Saying something appropriate for the death of a loved one isn’t like making a speech or proposing a toast. It is about extending a warm hand of friendship and love to support the individuals who experienced the loss. It is about showing respect for the dead.
What’s in your heart? If you truly love the person you feel compelled to speak to – you’ll find the right words. And if you find you don’t truly love that person, then a simple show of respect with no words would be completely sufficient.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Gay Son?
Dear Victorious,
Our adult son recently told us that he is gay. We are devastated. We've always been a church-going family and didn't raise him this way. He says he can't help it and that God made him this way. I've done some research on-line and found reference to a some study that shows gay men have different genes or something that makes it a genetic issue. What's the truth here?
C.L. - Middlefield Heights
Dear C.L.,
First of all, I'm sorry for your pain. And I applaud your decision to seek the truth instead of just react to the circumstances. That's very wise of you!
The truth starts in the Bible, of course. Genesis tells us that God made man in His own image. That means we are spiritual beings, without sexuality. Then we were assigned physical bodies to reside in during our time on this earth. Those bodies are to serve us. Unfortunately, they are animalistic and try to control us instead. They have voracious appetites for food, sex, entertainment, physical pleasure etc. They have extreme aversions to pain, adversity, suffering and other matters. Note that none of these things they lust after or run from are spiritual things. Rather they are matters of the flesh. And that has been mankind's problem for centuries.
God did not make anyone gay. He has asked us though, to inhabit bodies that are sinful and selfish. We are to take charge over them and be served by them. We are not to be defined by their whims. Someone who thinks he or she is a homosexual is simply suffering from a case of ignorance. (I know that sounds mean, but it's the truth!) They have simply been deceived into thinking that a temptation to do what God forbids can define them.
I'm aware of the studies and theories that sexual orientation is genetic and that differences in the brains of gay men have been detected in such studies. I'm also aware that similar studies have tried to explain alcoholism, obesity and other perversions of the flesh. They are the world's flawed answer to problems that are truly spiritual in nature.
Your son is not gay. But he is terribly deceived. He does not know who he is in Christ. He apparently does not know the true character and nature of God. (If he did, he would realize that it could not be possible for God to have given someone a genetic predisposition to do what He forbids.) I would venture that your son is also quite confused about how to handle life's problems and challenges. Unfortunately, he seems to be listening to the world as it tries to prove that wrong is right - instead of looking for the truth himself.
Our adult son recently told us that he is gay. We are devastated. We've always been a church-going family and didn't raise him this way. He says he can't help it and that God made him this way. I've done some research on-line and found reference to a some study that shows gay men have different genes or something that makes it a genetic issue. What's the truth here?
C.L. - Middlefield Heights
Dear C.L.,
First of all, I'm sorry for your pain. And I applaud your decision to seek the truth instead of just react to the circumstances. That's very wise of you!
The truth starts in the Bible, of course. Genesis tells us that God made man in His own image. That means we are spiritual beings, without sexuality. Then we were assigned physical bodies to reside in during our time on this earth. Those bodies are to serve us. Unfortunately, they are animalistic and try to control us instead. They have voracious appetites for food, sex, entertainment, physical pleasure etc. They have extreme aversions to pain, adversity, suffering and other matters. Note that none of these things they lust after or run from are spiritual things. Rather they are matters of the flesh. And that has been mankind's problem for centuries.
God did not make anyone gay. He has asked us though, to inhabit bodies that are sinful and selfish. We are to take charge over them and be served by them. We are not to be defined by their whims. Someone who thinks he or she is a homosexual is simply suffering from a case of ignorance. (I know that sounds mean, but it's the truth!) They have simply been deceived into thinking that a temptation to do what God forbids can define them.
I'm aware of the studies and theories that sexual orientation is genetic and that differences in the brains of gay men have been detected in such studies. I'm also aware that similar studies have tried to explain alcoholism, obesity and other perversions of the flesh. They are the world's flawed answer to problems that are truly spiritual in nature.
Your son is not gay. But he is terribly deceived. He does not know who he is in Christ. He apparently does not know the true character and nature of God. (If he did, he would realize that it could not be possible for God to have given someone a genetic predisposition to do what He forbids.) I would venture that your son is also quite confused about how to handle life's problems and challenges. Unfortunately, he seems to be listening to the world as it tries to prove that wrong is right - instead of looking for the truth himself.
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