Dealing With Abuse

Dear Victorious,

I know that the Bible says we are to submit ourselves to one another, and that spouses are supposed to submit to each other. But what is a Christian to do when they find themselves in an abusive relationship?

Debra W. - Boulder, CO

Dear Debra,

Yes, the Bible does have much to say about submission to one another in all of our relationships. In fact, that is a core element of all godly relationships of any sort. But to say that a Christian should tolerate abuse is taking Scripture out of its context.

Jesus gave us a clear formula, for example, of what to do if we find someone in sin. We are to confront their sin. If they don't listen, we get witnesses to help us confront them. If they still don't listen, we ask the church to intervene and confront them. If they still don't listen, we separate ourselves from the relationship with the unrepentant sinner. This would be an excellent course of action to take when we find ourselves in an abusive relationship with someone else.

Often we enter into marriages, business partnerships and other sorts of relationships without regard to the Biblical admonition to not be unequally yoked (with people who don't share our faith and values). Then we are surprised and offended when these people don't act according to our faith and values. The point is that we (Christ-followers) are not meant to be in committed, intimate relationships with such people in the first place.

When we find ourselves in an abusive relationship, we must not only address the abusive relationship, we must also examine how we got there in the first place - and make appropriate course corrections for future relationships!