Dear Victorious,
Are you making this stuff up? Some of these names seem rather vague.
Suspicious
Dear Suspicious,
You caught me. I do change the names. Incredibly, people will write me with their real name, e-mail address and other contact details. In some cases, I respond to them personally without posting it on the blog. When I do post it on the blog, I change the identity. Sorry if the signatures sound corny. If you're wondering, I also shorten the content of the letters from readers. I do that so I can get to their point quickly and spend more time on the answer than on the question.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Airplane Seats
Dear Victorious,
This isn’t really a spiritual question, but my husband and I are disagreeing about whether it is okay to recline your seat on an airplane. What do you think?
InFrequent Flyer
Dear InFrequent,
In general, no. Airplanes are cramped and tight. Make it spiritual by looking at the Biblical commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself.” You wouldn’t want someone else’s head in your lap for three hours – so close that you can count the hair follicles. So don’t do it to someone else.
If you simply must recline, then have the courtesy to turn to the person behind you and ask their permission. “Pardon me. Would you mind if I recline my seat.” If they don’t mind, then recline and be sure to thank them at the end of the flight. If they do mind, then don’t recline it. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Bet you didn’t know reclining airplane seats could be such a Biblical topic!
This isn’t really a spiritual question, but my husband and I are disagreeing about whether it is okay to recline your seat on an airplane. What do you think?
InFrequent Flyer
Dear InFrequent,
In general, no. Airplanes are cramped and tight. Make it spiritual by looking at the Biblical commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself.” You wouldn’t want someone else’s head in your lap for three hours – so close that you can count the hair follicles. So don’t do it to someone else.
If you simply must recline, then have the courtesy to turn to the person behind you and ask their permission. “Pardon me. Would you mind if I recline my seat.” If they don’t mind, then recline and be sure to thank them at the end of the flight. If they do mind, then don’t recline it. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Bet you didn’t know reclining airplane seats could be such a Biblical topic!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Gov. Blagojevich
Dear Victorious,
It looks like Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is about to be impeached. He didn't attend his own trial ... and instead went on national TV (several shows) to talk about how innocent he is. What do you make of this? What do you think he should have done?
Curious George
Dear George,
I've read the media accounts of the charges made against Gov. Blagojevich. Certainly the things he is alleged to have done seem inappropriate and outrageous. But perhaps his most daring feat was to try and capitalize on his "fifteen minutes of fame" by going to the national TV shows. Let's face it, when else could he get such national attention? I would not be surprised to find that he's hired an agent who engineered that move for him. (Expect a book deal or a talk show to follow.)
I think society loves to demonize people whom offend us. I also think that's wrong. So I tend to look at the individual who is being demonized --- and try to discern what is really true of them. Are they as despicable as they seem? Or were they just mistaken? Typically I try to look past the circumstances and see what else is known about them. Is there anything to suggest righteousness in their lives? If so, has it been consistent or growing? Or has it been sporadic or on the decline? I have to say that I've watched Mr. Blagojevich in this way since his story burst onto the news a while back.
It seems that Mrs. Blagojevich got fired from her job recently, because of what her husband has been accused of. She was a donor development officer for a Christian charity. They thought it would be hard for her to represent them if her husband was accused of being a crook. I took note that the Christian charity fired her before they were certain that he was a crook (he hasn't been convicted of anything). And I thought it was less than righteous of them to do so. But before I broke into tears for Mrs. Blagojevich, I did a little research and discovered that she is a real estate agent --- who has been questioned in the past about some of her deals with people who had state government contracts. (I put away the tissues.)
It's like this: I don't know if Mr. Blagojevich did what they say he did or not. I don't know if he will be convicted. Of course if he didn't do it then a huge travesty of justice is being committed. On the other hand, if he did it, perhaps the travesty of justice is being committed by him. Rather than address the issues, it appears that he (this week) tried to capitalize on the drama.
What would I do if I were him? If I did it, I would apologize profusely. I would call a press conference, go on national TV and tell my constituents that I had a severe lapse in judgment. I would throw myself on the mercy of the court. I would tell the people that I could be an effective governor for them, and wanted to continue to serve in that capacity. But I would humbly submit to their will, and volunteer to resign if that were their preference. In other words, I would try to excel at owning my brokenness.
We all make mistakes, some of them are big, and some of them are public. Some of them have disastrous consequences. But some of them can be turned for good. When repentance and humility are offered by the culprit, the mistakes can bring great healing and unity. Of course, such outcomes are entirely dependent on the leader who makes the mistakes. My advice to Mr. Blagojevich? "Learn to own your brokenness with great humility. You might be a great leader, but the inability to do something constructive with your mistakes is killing your leadership."
It looks like Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is about to be impeached. He didn't attend his own trial ... and instead went on national TV (several shows) to talk about how innocent he is. What do you make of this? What do you think he should have done?
Curious George
Dear George,
I've read the media accounts of the charges made against Gov. Blagojevich. Certainly the things he is alleged to have done seem inappropriate and outrageous. But perhaps his most daring feat was to try and capitalize on his "fifteen minutes of fame" by going to the national TV shows. Let's face it, when else could he get such national attention? I would not be surprised to find that he's hired an agent who engineered that move for him. (Expect a book deal or a talk show to follow.)
I think society loves to demonize people whom offend us. I also think that's wrong. So I tend to look at the individual who is being demonized --- and try to discern what is really true of them. Are they as despicable as they seem? Or were they just mistaken? Typically I try to look past the circumstances and see what else is known about them. Is there anything to suggest righteousness in their lives? If so, has it been consistent or growing? Or has it been sporadic or on the decline? I have to say that I've watched Mr. Blagojevich in this way since his story burst onto the news a while back.
It seems that Mrs. Blagojevich got fired from her job recently, because of what her husband has been accused of. She was a donor development officer for a Christian charity. They thought it would be hard for her to represent them if her husband was accused of being a crook. I took note that the Christian charity fired her before they were certain that he was a crook (he hasn't been convicted of anything). And I thought it was less than righteous of them to do so. But before I broke into tears for Mrs. Blagojevich, I did a little research and discovered that she is a real estate agent --- who has been questioned in the past about some of her deals with people who had state government contracts. (I put away the tissues.)
It's like this: I don't know if Mr. Blagojevich did what they say he did or not. I don't know if he will be convicted. Of course if he didn't do it then a huge travesty of justice is being committed. On the other hand, if he did it, perhaps the travesty of justice is being committed by him. Rather than address the issues, it appears that he (this week) tried to capitalize on the drama.
What would I do if I were him? If I did it, I would apologize profusely. I would call a press conference, go on national TV and tell my constituents that I had a severe lapse in judgment. I would throw myself on the mercy of the court. I would tell the people that I could be an effective governor for them, and wanted to continue to serve in that capacity. But I would humbly submit to their will, and volunteer to resign if that were their preference. In other words, I would try to excel at owning my brokenness.
We all make mistakes, some of them are big, and some of them are public. Some of them have disastrous consequences. But some of them can be turned for good. When repentance and humility are offered by the culprit, the mistakes can bring great healing and unity. Of course, such outcomes are entirely dependent on the leader who makes the mistakes. My advice to Mr. Blagojevich? "Learn to own your brokenness with great humility. You might be a great leader, but the inability to do something constructive with your mistakes is killing your leadership."
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Missionary Aspirations
Dear Victorious,
I'm a senior in high school and would like to be a missionary. I can't seem to find any information about what a missionary does. What is a good job description for a missionary?
David T.
Dear David,
Missionary is kind of a broad concept. In terms of a job description, it can mean lots of things - because missionaries serve in a variety of ways. Perhaps the most surprising definition of a missionary is found in country's where the government does not allow open missionary work. There the missionaries must enter with some trade or secular skill, and work in that capacity while ministering to the people they find there.
The best information I know of about what a missionary does comes from the New Testament, specifically with the book of Acts or Romans, where we can see what the Apostle Paul and his peers did on their missionary journeys. Let's take a look.
The Bible says that all people inherently know that God exists, but since the fall of Adam and Eve we have suppressed our relationship with Him by way of our sinful nature. We may even deny the existence of God because we don't want to deal with it. Missionaries confront such mindsets, pointing people to God.
Although people may believe there is a God, they still don't commit themselves to Him. Missionaries help to persuade them (to make that commitment) through loving words and caring actions. In other words, they see Christ in the missionary and find that attractive.
Missionaries convince people who reject God of the danger of their disobedience. They help people understand the eternal consequences of their choices. In other words, missionaries call people to repentance and show them how to confess and turn from their sins.
Churches on the aggregate must obey the Great Commission (to take the Good News to all the world). Missionaries help the churches do that. It isn't practical for most churches to have their people running all over the world preaching the Good News of Jesus Christ. So they support missionaries in partnership to obey the Great Commission.
People may know about God, but they need to be told about Jesus, and how, through Him, they can have a personal relationship with God. They need to be taught how to surrender their lives to Christ and live for Him. Knowing God is not enough. People must learn that God is loving. they must understand what He did to demonstrate His love for us. They must be shown how to accept God's forgiveness of their sins.
Finally, I imagine if you asked most missionaries what their job entails, many would use the word sacrifice. Most missionaries I've ever known or heard of found that making sacrifices was a necessary and regular part of their job. That could mean doing without conveniences, or it could range up to suffering or even death. More than one missionary has been jailed, tortured or killed as they went about executing their missionary calling.
Different organizations that do mission work may have different job descriptions that would help you understand what they're specifically asking someone to do. That could be teaching in a school, building a church, running a business, providing medical care, flying supplies, providing disaster relief, translating the Bible into a local dialect or a whole host of other jobs. The thing you would do well to remember is the Biblical illustrations of a missionary's objectives. Then understand that you'll need to be obedient and attentive to those responsibilities (that I've listed above) as you go about execution of whatever tasks you may be assigned in the process.
I'm a senior in high school and would like to be a missionary. I can't seem to find any information about what a missionary does. What is a good job description for a missionary?
David T.
Dear David,
Missionary is kind of a broad concept. In terms of a job description, it can mean lots of things - because missionaries serve in a variety of ways. Perhaps the most surprising definition of a missionary is found in country's where the government does not allow open missionary work. There the missionaries must enter with some trade or secular skill, and work in that capacity while ministering to the people they find there.
The best information I know of about what a missionary does comes from the New Testament, specifically with the book of Acts or Romans, where we can see what the Apostle Paul and his peers did on their missionary journeys. Let's take a look.
The Bible says that all people inherently know that God exists, but since the fall of Adam and Eve we have suppressed our relationship with Him by way of our sinful nature. We may even deny the existence of God because we don't want to deal with it. Missionaries confront such mindsets, pointing people to God.
Although people may believe there is a God, they still don't commit themselves to Him. Missionaries help to persuade them (to make that commitment) through loving words and caring actions. In other words, they see Christ in the missionary and find that attractive.
Missionaries convince people who reject God of the danger of their disobedience. They help people understand the eternal consequences of their choices. In other words, missionaries call people to repentance and show them how to confess and turn from their sins.
Churches on the aggregate must obey the Great Commission (to take the Good News to all the world). Missionaries help the churches do that. It isn't practical for most churches to have their people running all over the world preaching the Good News of Jesus Christ. So they support missionaries in partnership to obey the Great Commission.
People may know about God, but they need to be told about Jesus, and how, through Him, they can have a personal relationship with God. They need to be taught how to surrender their lives to Christ and live for Him. Knowing God is not enough. People must learn that God is loving. they must understand what He did to demonstrate His love for us. They must be shown how to accept God's forgiveness of their sins.
Finally, I imagine if you asked most missionaries what their job entails, many would use the word sacrifice. Most missionaries I've ever known or heard of found that making sacrifices was a necessary and regular part of their job. That could mean doing without conveniences, or it could range up to suffering or even death. More than one missionary has been jailed, tortured or killed as they went about executing their missionary calling.
Different organizations that do mission work may have different job descriptions that would help you understand what they're specifically asking someone to do. That could be teaching in a school, building a church, running a business, providing medical care, flying supplies, providing disaster relief, translating the Bible into a local dialect or a whole host of other jobs. The thing you would do well to remember is the Biblical illustrations of a missionary's objectives. Then understand that you'll need to be obedient and attentive to those responsibilities (that I've listed above) as you go about execution of whatever tasks you may be assigned in the process.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Degrees of Heaven?
Dear Victorious,
A friend says that there are different degrees of heaven. She says a good way to understand it is to think of types of housing, ranging from mansions to trailer parks. She claims that the more righteous people will live in the mansions, and those less righteous - but still saved, will be relegated to the "trailer parks." Isn't this just a bunch of garbage? I can't believe this!
Sandy
Dear Sandy,
While your friend's proposition may be annoying and sound offensive, this is a good case of our needing to test whatever we are told against Scripture. Jesus said, "For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done." (Matthew 16:27)
Jesus has the authority to judge all of the earth (Romans 14:9-11 and Philippians 2:9-11). His judgment is already working in lives, but there is a future, final judgment when Christ returns to earth (Matthew 25), and everyone's life will be reviewed and evaluated. This will not be confined to unbelievers (contrary to popular Christian opinions). Christians will also face judgment. Our eternal destiny is secure, so what's to judge?
Jesus will be looking at how we've each handled the gifts, opportunities and responsibilities that we've had in our earthly lives. He says in Matthew 16:27 that he will then decide about our heavenly rewards. So there is some truth to what your friend is telling you. We will not all experience heaven the same way --- and God never promised that we would! He promised that we will experience heaven if we believe on His Son, Jesus Christ. He defined belief as obedience and submission to. So if I believe in Jesus, and my belief is evidenced by my obedience, then my salvation is secure. I will get to heaven. (And so will you!)
My advice? Don't worry about the various degrees of heaven. If God wanted us to understand them, He would have provided us with information about that. All we can do is speculate and there is little value in that. I think that we are tempted to wonder about or even debate the various ways mankind might experience heaven because of our brokenness. Let's face it, humans are proud and jealous. Not one of us wants to believe that we'll get anything less than someone else. We don't want to admit that we might deserve anything less than someone else.
If you focus your attention on Christ in this life, then you can move forward with no thought of your next life. Your future is already secure. And whether you live in a heavenly version of a mansion - or a heavenly version of a trailer park, I'm confident that you will be ecstatic about it. Remember, God promised you an eternal life of joy, peace and fellowship with Himself. So even if you are experiencing heaven differently than someone else, you won't mind that a bit!
A friend says that there are different degrees of heaven. She says a good way to understand it is to think of types of housing, ranging from mansions to trailer parks. She claims that the more righteous people will live in the mansions, and those less righteous - but still saved, will be relegated to the "trailer parks." Isn't this just a bunch of garbage? I can't believe this!
Sandy
Dear Sandy,
While your friend's proposition may be annoying and sound offensive, this is a good case of our needing to test whatever we are told against Scripture. Jesus said, "For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done." (Matthew 16:27)
Jesus has the authority to judge all of the earth (Romans 14:9-11 and Philippians 2:9-11). His judgment is already working in lives, but there is a future, final judgment when Christ returns to earth (Matthew 25), and everyone's life will be reviewed and evaluated. This will not be confined to unbelievers (contrary to popular Christian opinions). Christians will also face judgment. Our eternal destiny is secure, so what's to judge?
Jesus will be looking at how we've each handled the gifts, opportunities and responsibilities that we've had in our earthly lives. He says in Matthew 16:27 that he will then decide about our heavenly rewards. So there is some truth to what your friend is telling you. We will not all experience heaven the same way --- and God never promised that we would! He promised that we will experience heaven if we believe on His Son, Jesus Christ. He defined belief as obedience and submission to. So if I believe in Jesus, and my belief is evidenced by my obedience, then my salvation is secure. I will get to heaven. (And so will you!)
My advice? Don't worry about the various degrees of heaven. If God wanted us to understand them, He would have provided us with information about that. All we can do is speculate and there is little value in that. I think that we are tempted to wonder about or even debate the various ways mankind might experience heaven because of our brokenness. Let's face it, humans are proud and jealous. Not one of us wants to believe that we'll get anything less than someone else. We don't want to admit that we might deserve anything less than someone else.
If you focus your attention on Christ in this life, then you can move forward with no thought of your next life. Your future is already secure. And whether you live in a heavenly version of a mansion - or a heavenly version of a trailer park, I'm confident that you will be ecstatic about it. Remember, God promised you an eternal life of joy, peace and fellowship with Himself. So even if you are experiencing heaven differently than someone else, you won't mind that a bit!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Pathetic Widow
From Mrs Susan Morgan
38 Rue Des Martyrs Cocody Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire
DEAREST ONE OF GOD I am the above named person from Kuwait. I am married to Mr.Abram Morgan, who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2004. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $2. 5 Million (Two Million and Five Hundred U.S. Dollars) in the bank here in Abidjan in suspense account. Presently, the fund is still with the bank.
Recently, my Doctor told me that i have seriouly sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained.
The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my husband’s efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don’t want a ituation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence i know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the Lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.
I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband’s relatives is around me always I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank here in Abidjan. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the Lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.
Contact me through my e-mail address for more information’s, any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply. Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ, Mrs Susan Morgan.
Dear Mrs. Morgan,
You are so pathetic. Your plea is so phony it is not even worth a sarcastic remark. I cannot begin to count the number of e-mails I've seen like yours --- heart-wrenching tales of the dead husband, the terminally ill widow with no children, and millions in some bank account. This has got to be the one of the oldest and skankiest hoax on the Internet. Surely you could be more creative with your scams.
The thing you have severely underestimated is the fact that our God of the universe will not be mocked. So whoever you are, wherever you are (and note that I am questioning your identity and location), know that God is watching you ... and that there will be consequences for your evil deeds. Moreover, few will be fooled by your pathetic and imbecile antics.
38 Rue Des Martyrs Cocody Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire
DEAREST ONE OF GOD I am the above named person from Kuwait. I am married to Mr.Abram Morgan, who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2004. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $2. 5 Million (Two Million and Five Hundred U.S. Dollars) in the bank here in Abidjan in suspense account. Presently, the fund is still with the bank.
Recently, my Doctor told me that i have seriouly sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained.
The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my husband’s efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don’t want a ituation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence i know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the Lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.
I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband’s relatives is around me always I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank here in Abidjan. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the Lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.
Contact me through my e-mail address for more information’s, any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply. Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ, Mrs Susan Morgan.
Dear Mrs. Morgan,
You are so pathetic. Your plea is so phony it is not even worth a sarcastic remark. I cannot begin to count the number of e-mails I've seen like yours --- heart-wrenching tales of the dead husband, the terminally ill widow with no children, and millions in some bank account. This has got to be the one of the oldest and skankiest hoax on the Internet. Surely you could be more creative with your scams.
The thing you have severely underestimated is the fact that our God of the universe will not be mocked. So whoever you are, wherever you are (and note that I am questioning your identity and location), know that God is watching you ... and that there will be consequences for your evil deeds. Moreover, few will be fooled by your pathetic and imbecile antics.
TV Wincing
Dear Victorious,We have teen-agers and the television is on at our house all of the time. I guess I don't mind it so much, because our whole family really likes to watch TV. But more and more I find the things I see on television to be disconcerting. It's like some kind of pain or something - only it doesn't really hurt. It just makes me wince. We try to stay away from blatantly bad TV (like Jerry Springer or R rated movies). Nevertheless, we stumble into things that should be okay. They just feel like they're not. What is going on here?
Concerned
Dear Concerned,
Philippians 4:8 provides the best wisdom I know of. It says that, as Christians, we are to fix our minds on things that are excellent, lovely and "worthy of praise." That doesn't mean that we have to stand in a holy huddle all the time and be religious all the time. There are plenty of things in the secular world that are excellent and worthy of praise. But there are plenty of things that are not.
The TV shows that we watch, the movies we go to, the books and magazines that we read, the web sites we visit, the music we listen to, the places we shop --- all of it should be "excellent and worthy of praise." I once heard someone describe is as watching things we wouldn't be embarrassed to have Jesus find us watching. (That's silly of course, as Jesus does find us watching whatever it is we're watching!) So if it isn't "excellent and worthy of praise," I do NOT have permission from my heavenly Father to watch it, read it, listen to it, visit it, or even spend time thinking about it. It really is as simple as that.
We get into trouble when we justify our bad choices by allowing the world to set our standards. Just because a movie isn't rated R doesn't mean that it's okay to watch. Just because it's a family sitcom doesn't mean that it's okay to watch. Just because a song doesn't have satanic or sexual lyrics doesn't mean it's okay to listen to it. No, our true filter is "excellent and worthy of praise" - from God's perspective. You know about God's nature and character. What do you think God would find "excellent and worthy of praise?" Fix your thoughts and your attention on such things. Visit them, sing them, watch them, read them.
The wincing that's going on in you is the Holy Spirit telling you to turn off the TV. Remember, He lives in you. He's trying to lead you into righteousness. He'll tell you when you're not in righteousness. The next time something comes on TV that makes you wince, that's a good sign you should change the channel or turn off the TV. Better yet, don't wait for the wincing to occur. When you're flipping channels and decide to watch something, ask yourself, "Would Jesus define this as 'excellent and worthy of praise?'"
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Needs To Change
Dear Victorious,
I have been dating my boyfriend for over two years now. He says he wants to marry me. But I want some stability. He can't seem to hold a change. He's been to jail more than once. He struggles at times with drugs. I've had to call the police sometimes when he gets high and becomes aggressive. Last week, we were at his mother's house. She sent her boyfriend out to get some pot, knowing full well that her son (my boyfriend) is on probation right now! It dawned on me that his instability looks a lot like what he apparently grew up with. I love him, but what will it take for him to change?
Bride in Waiting - Houston
Dear Bride,
What do you see in this man that makes you think he is interested in change? Is it possible that you have a much stronger desire for change in him than he has himself? If so, I probably don't have very good news for you.
I assume that you are a Christian, since you are reading my blog. It is best to start with a Biblical perspective. The Bible tells us do not be yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). That same verse continues with some simple wisdom by asking what righteousness and wickedness could have in common - or how light could ever fellowship with darkness. This is sage advice for Christian singles.
It sounds like your boyfriend comes from an unhealthy family. He will need to come to the conclusion that what he's learned about life; what he's learned about right and wrong; how he's learned to solve his problems --- are all wrong. That will require him to discard his family's conventional wisdom and intentionally adopt new thinking. Better choices, only come from better thinking.
You may have fallen in love with this man. If so, you should realize that you're in dangerous territory. Unless this man shares your values and your priorities (i.e. God and His ways) then you are not likely to ever have a good marriage. His thinking is flawed and those who trained him have flawed thinking. Do you see any evidence that the thinking is changing?
It is common for people to "convert" or change religions to please a spouse. I know some folks who've "converted" to Judaism or Catholicism or other religions because they wanted to marry someone of that religion. This would be like you telling your boyfriend you can't marry him unless he becomes a Christian. He says, "She's hot, so I'll become a Christian." Of course that would be insanity on his part. But it would be even more insane if you believed in such a conversion and made life decisions based on such a belief.
Let's be clear. No one can change themselves. Only God can truly change someone. We are fallen people living in a broken world. Our sin nature will naturally drag us to wickedness. Unless we focus on God and become intentional about pursuing righteousness, there is no hope for lasting change.
My advice? Love this man and witness to him. Be salt and light in his life. But do not plan to marry him. You need to make a decision that you will never allow yourself to be unequally yoked - and then not allow yourself to get into such a relationship ever again.
I have been dating my boyfriend for over two years now. He says he wants to marry me. But I want some stability. He can't seem to hold a change. He's been to jail more than once. He struggles at times with drugs. I've had to call the police sometimes when he gets high and becomes aggressive. Last week, we were at his mother's house. She sent her boyfriend out to get some pot, knowing full well that her son (my boyfriend) is on probation right now! It dawned on me that his instability looks a lot like what he apparently grew up with. I love him, but what will it take for him to change?
Bride in Waiting - Houston
Dear Bride,
What do you see in this man that makes you think he is interested in change? Is it possible that you have a much stronger desire for change in him than he has himself? If so, I probably don't have very good news for you.
I assume that you are a Christian, since you are reading my blog. It is best to start with a Biblical perspective. The Bible tells us do not be yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). That same verse continues with some simple wisdom by asking what righteousness and wickedness could have in common - or how light could ever fellowship with darkness. This is sage advice for Christian singles.
It sounds like your boyfriend comes from an unhealthy family. He will need to come to the conclusion that what he's learned about life; what he's learned about right and wrong; how he's learned to solve his problems --- are all wrong. That will require him to discard his family's conventional wisdom and intentionally adopt new thinking. Better choices, only come from better thinking.
You may have fallen in love with this man. If so, you should realize that you're in dangerous territory. Unless this man shares your values and your priorities (i.e. God and His ways) then you are not likely to ever have a good marriage. His thinking is flawed and those who trained him have flawed thinking. Do you see any evidence that the thinking is changing?
It is common for people to "convert" or change religions to please a spouse. I know some folks who've "converted" to Judaism or Catholicism or other religions because they wanted to marry someone of that religion. This would be like you telling your boyfriend you can't marry him unless he becomes a Christian. He says, "She's hot, so I'll become a Christian." Of course that would be insanity on his part. But it would be even more insane if you believed in such a conversion and made life decisions based on such a belief.
Let's be clear. No one can change themselves. Only God can truly change someone. We are fallen people living in a broken world. Our sin nature will naturally drag us to wickedness. Unless we focus on God and become intentional about pursuing righteousness, there is no hope for lasting change.
My advice? Love this man and witness to him. Be salt and light in his life. But do not plan to marry him. You need to make a decision that you will never allow yourself to be unequally yoked - and then not allow yourself to get into such a relationship ever again.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Peaceful Islam?
Dear Victorious,I don't understand the issues with Islam. They seem to talk out of both sides of their mouths. The so-called "extremists" kill people and blow themselves up to get virgins in heaven (or whatever). Then the others say that Islam is a peaceful religion. How can they both believe what they believe? Both sides can't be right!
Confused Observer
Dear Confused,
When you have a religion that isn't based on truth, oddly enough, both sides actually can be right. As Christians, we know that the Bible NEVER contradicts itself. It is God's Word, and it is impossible for God to contradict Himself. (It would violate His character and nature.) But for Islam, this isn't the case. The Qu'ran (which is the Muslim equivalent of The Bible) is actually a study in contradictions.
The Islamic holy book contains verses that clearly call Muslims to live peaceably with the rest of the world. It requires Muslims to give to charity and care for the poor. Family and piety are paramount in the Qu'ran. So anyone who wants to paint Islam as a peaceful religion can readily find verses from the Qu'ran to back up what they're saying.
And, of course, many of those folks live peaceably with the rest of the world. There are some wonderful Muslims in the world. They are good parents, good teachers, good doctors. They do good works. They are great thinkers. In fact, some of the best traits we see in society are found in Muslims. Quite frankly, I have long admired their faithfulness to their religion - and only wished that Christians would be as committed and dedicated to our religion!
On the flip side though, the Qu'ran also contains very clear statements that call Muslims to violence, hatred and aggression. Let's look at some examples:
"... fight and slay the pagans wherever ye find them, and seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem (of war); but if they repent, and establish regular prayers and practice regular charity, then open the way for them ..." (Surah 9:5)
"... strive hard against the unbelievers and the hypocrites, and be firm against them. Their abode is Hell,-" (Surah 9:73)
"O ye who believe! Fight those of the disbelievers who are near to you, and let them find harshness in you ... " (Surah 9:123)
"Fight those who believe not in Allah ... nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger, nor acknowledge the Truth (Islam), even if they are of the People of the Book (Jews and Christians), until they pay ... with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued." (Surah 9:29)
Allah is an enemy to unbelievers. - Sura 2:98
Slay them wherever ye find them and drive them out of the places whence they drove you out, for persecution is worse than slaughter. - Sura 2:191
Fight against them until idolatry is no more and Allah's religion reigns supreme. - Sura 2:193 and 8:39
Fighting is obligatory for you, much as you dislike it. - Sura 2:216
So you can see for yourself. Islam could be a peaceful religion. Certainly many of its followers see it that way. At the same time, it can be a religion of hatred, violence and evil aggression. Some of its followers see it that way. And they both are right.
So what do we do with this perverse dichotomy? For the Muslims who see Islam as a peaceful religion, we show them grace and be thankful for their point of view. For Muslims who see Islam as a call to war with every non-Muslim, we forgive them.
The thing about Christianity is that Jesus never told us to kill anyone --- for any reason. In fact, He told us to love our enemies. So the Muslims who see it as their moral duty to kill us, we must love them. In fact, our love for Muslims is where the dichotomy must end. It is the only hope for the reconciliation of the contradictions in Islam - they they would know Christians by our love.
To be sure, Muslims are even more uncomfortable with their conflicting values than we are. So let us show them love and hope --- and trust the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts to lead them to truth that never contradicts itself!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
