Q: I know that God hates divorce, but it seems that a great many Christians (at least the ones I know) have been divorced. Some of them have been divorced more than once! So as a Christian, how do you know when it is time to get divorced?
A: You're right in saying that God hates divorce. But He stops short of absolutely forbidding it. In fact, Moses allowed the Israelites to divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) and Jesus explained that divorce was allowed among God's chosen people because of the hardness of their hearts (Mark 10:1-10) But in that same conversation, Jesus reiterated that God's intention is for marriage to be permanent. God hates divorce.
So it's important for Christians to have an accurate view of God's will for their marriage. God hates marriage and He wants marriages to last. But God also understands we are humans and our hearts can become so wounded, so bitter and so unforgiving that marriage can become a sore source of misery.
I have read reports that the divorce rate among those who identify themselves as born-again Christians is higher. But frankly, I believe that is because the divorce drove them to Christ. So I don't believe it is that Christians divorce more frequently than non-Christians. But often the pain of divorce can only be resolved by turning to Christ.
Finally, let's look at your question about how to know if it's time to get a divorce. Certainly there is always hope with Jesus. If both partners are fully submitted to Jesus Christ then there is hope for the marriage. So in that context, it's never going to be time to get a divorce.
On a more practical note though, let me say that I would only get a divorce if I'd prayed over it and had at least one other mature believer praying about it with me. I'd be looking for God's permission to exit the marriage commitment. And I'd expect the wise counsel of other mature believers to affirm with me that God's permission is actually what I'd received.
God hates divorce - but it is not the unforgiveable sin.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Former Church
Q: When a pastor leaves a church, what should be his relationship with that church afterward? Does it matter if he was forced out of the church?
A: The answer lies in the heart of that pastor. Did the shepherd really love the sheep? If so, I think it would be impossible for him to write them off and just stop caring. And I don't believe it would matter why he left that church.
Typically pastors leave churches for one of three (3) reasons. (1) They decide to take another job elsewhere or decide to retire. (2) They have fallen in some sinful way and have lost the confidence of the elders/deacons. (3) They have somehow gotten cross-wise with the elders/deacons and were forced out because of philosophical reasons.
But like I said, I don't believe the reason for the departure should change the pastor's demeanor towards the church he used to pastor. He's still a shepherd, called to lead and love God's people. He may have some forgiving to do, but he should always be ready to continue shepherding God's people wherever they are.
A good example might be the Apostle Paul, who was ministering in Thessalonica. He was forced to leave. But look at the letters he wrote to the Thessalonians and the church at Thessalonica. They were filled with encouragement and exhortation. I believe they are a good example of a proper shepherd's heart toward the sheep he used to lead.
A: The answer lies in the heart of that pastor. Did the shepherd really love the sheep? If so, I think it would be impossible for him to write them off and just stop caring. And I don't believe it would matter why he left that church.
Typically pastors leave churches for one of three (3) reasons. (1) They decide to take another job elsewhere or decide to retire. (2) They have fallen in some sinful way and have lost the confidence of the elders/deacons. (3) They have somehow gotten cross-wise with the elders/deacons and were forced out because of philosophical reasons.
But like I said, I don't believe the reason for the departure should change the pastor's demeanor towards the church he used to pastor. He's still a shepherd, called to lead and love God's people. He may have some forgiving to do, but he should always be ready to continue shepherding God's people wherever they are.
A good example might be the Apostle Paul, who was ministering in Thessalonica. He was forced to leave. But look at the letters he wrote to the Thessalonians and the church at Thessalonica. They were filled with encouragement and exhortation. I believe they are a good example of a proper shepherd's heart toward the sheep he used to lead.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Parental Praise
Q: When a child grows up and turns out to be a success in life, who do you think gets more credit - the mother or the father?
A: Neither. It takes a village. Sometimes neither mother, father or a loving village are present. And yet individuals can grow up to become successful in life. The truest source (of their success) is God's loving grace. It is only by the grace of God that we are each not destroyed by the mistakes of our parents.
A: Neither. It takes a village. Sometimes neither mother, father or a loving village are present. And yet individuals can grow up to become successful in life. The truest source (of their success) is God's loving grace. It is only by the grace of God that we are each not destroyed by the mistakes of our parents.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
On Divorce
Q: If God hates divorce, how does a Christian know when to get a divorce? (Or are Christians never allowed to divorce?)
A: You could ask ten theologians this question and probably get ten different answers. I believe the most definitive answer is found in Jesus' actual words recorded in Matthew 19. Read the whole chapter. Consider what it says.
Essentially divorce is not God's will for us. Rather God intends for marriage to be a deep, lasting commitment that we make with each other exclusively. However, God is aware of the fact that our hearts are imperfect. Sometimes they can be so wounded that, aside from Him, they cannot go through one more day of this painful existence. So on those rare occasions, God allows divorce.
But keep in mind that just because God may allow divorce in certain circumstances --- He may not have allowed divorce in your circumstance. Moreover, just because He allows divorce doesn't mean that He always allows divorce. The thing here is that divorce is not your choice or your option. But you can petition the Lord and if He allows it, you can get a divorce. So in a sense, you are requesting His permission to leave this marriage institution that God supposedly put together.
A: You could ask ten theologians this question and probably get ten different answers. I believe the most definitive answer is found in Jesus' actual words recorded in Matthew 19. Read the whole chapter. Consider what it says.
Essentially divorce is not God's will for us. Rather God intends for marriage to be a deep, lasting commitment that we make with each other exclusively. However, God is aware of the fact that our hearts are imperfect. Sometimes they can be so wounded that, aside from Him, they cannot go through one more day of this painful existence. So on those rare occasions, God allows divorce.
But keep in mind that just because God may allow divorce in certain circumstances --- He may not have allowed divorce in your circumstance. Moreover, just because He allows divorce doesn't mean that He always allows divorce. The thing here is that divorce is not your choice or your option. But you can petition the Lord and if He allows it, you can get a divorce. So in a sense, you are requesting His permission to leave this marriage institution that God supposedly put together.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Jesus on Sports?
Q: Is the Super Bowl biblical? Would Jesus watch professional sports?
A: We could go into a long, theological examination here, but there's no point. Would Jesus watch sports? I think that's covered in a broader question of whether Jesus would watch TV at all. Do you think Jesus read fiction, told jokes or played board games? Let's be clear, Jesus was singularly focused on doing His Father's will. So would Jesus have done any of these things? Only in the context of loving others.
If Jesus could love others by watching professional sports with them, I suspect He would have. But Jesus would have never let it be about the sports. He kept it about the people --- as should we.
A: We could go into a long, theological examination here, but there's no point. Would Jesus watch sports? I think that's covered in a broader question of whether Jesus would watch TV at all. Do you think Jesus read fiction, told jokes or played board games? Let's be clear, Jesus was singularly focused on doing His Father's will. So would Jesus have done any of these things? Only in the context of loving others.
If Jesus could love others by watching professional sports with them, I suspect He would have. But Jesus would have never let it be about the sports. He kept it about the people --- as should we.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Embarrassing TV
Q: When we're watching TV, even watching a "safe" show can sometimes have embarrassing parts. I'm talking about references to sexuality or commercials for sexually related products for both men and women. How can we avoid those things in a Christian household?
A: I'm afraid that these things are the price we pay when we access the medium overall. If you want to visit the museum, you don't get to pick and choose what's in the museum. So by virtue of agreeing to go into the museum, you agree to subject yourself to whatever is in there. It works the same way as TV. We can block certain channels or shows, but ultimately we subject ourselves to whatever programming or advertising there is.
The world of television has obviously decided that there is nothing wrong with advertisements for erectile dysfunction pills or feminine hygiene products. If we're going to watch the shows on TV, we have to remember that the companies which make and sell these products are the companies that pay for those TV shows that we want to watch. The only way to avoid them is to avoid watching TV.
You could watch Christian TV only and that would be a safe bet. But when you watch non-Christian broadcasting, by definition, you are allowing someone else to set and control your viewing standards.
A: I'm afraid that these things are the price we pay when we access the medium overall. If you want to visit the museum, you don't get to pick and choose what's in the museum. So by virtue of agreeing to go into the museum, you agree to subject yourself to whatever is in there. It works the same way as TV. We can block certain channels or shows, but ultimately we subject ourselves to whatever programming or advertising there is.
The world of television has obviously decided that there is nothing wrong with advertisements for erectile dysfunction pills or feminine hygiene products. If we're going to watch the shows on TV, we have to remember that the companies which make and sell these products are the companies that pay for those TV shows that we want to watch. The only way to avoid them is to avoid watching TV.
You could watch Christian TV only and that would be a safe bet. But when you watch non-Christian broadcasting, by definition, you are allowing someone else to set and control your viewing standards.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Resolving Conflict
Q: Is there a Biblical framework for solving conflict? I mean when we get into an argument with someone, how do we solve it? Is there some principle in the Bible that would work in any situation?
A: Yes, there is. Read chapters 5, 6, & 7 in the book of Matthew. It's Jesus' Sermon on the Mount and contains a variety of principles for healthy living. People are human and flawed. So we have the inherent drift toward conflict with each other. The only way to avoid or resolve that conflict is to focus on points of agreement instead of points of disagreement.
If my wife and I cannot agree on which sofa to purchase, let's back away from the sofa shopping exercise and look for some point of agreement above the sofa. Maybe it's the style of the room, the level of comfort we want, or the amount and type of entertaining that we'd like to do. Or if we can't agree on how many children we want, let's back away from that conversation and talk about why we want children, what kind of family we think we'd like to have, etc.
If you look for them, there will always be something that you can agree on that will be higher in priority than the point you're disagreeing on. So when you run into a disagreement, stop and go back to one of those points of agreement. From there, you'll find the compromise or the resolution to the conflict.
A: Yes, there is. Read chapters 5, 6, & 7 in the book of Matthew. It's Jesus' Sermon on the Mount and contains a variety of principles for healthy living. People are human and flawed. So we have the inherent drift toward conflict with each other. The only way to avoid or resolve that conflict is to focus on points of agreement instead of points of disagreement.
If my wife and I cannot agree on which sofa to purchase, let's back away from the sofa shopping exercise and look for some point of agreement above the sofa. Maybe it's the style of the room, the level of comfort we want, or the amount and type of entertaining that we'd like to do. Or if we can't agree on how many children we want, let's back away from that conversation and talk about why we want children, what kind of family we think we'd like to have, etc.
If you look for them, there will always be something that you can agree on that will be higher in priority than the point you're disagreeing on. So when you run into a disagreement, stop and go back to one of those points of agreement. From there, you'll find the compromise or the resolution to the conflict.
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