Christian Funerals

Q: Is there a way that Christians should handle a funeral? I mean when dealing with the death of a loved one, shouldn't there be an approach that is uniquely Christian? I've been to some funerals lately and don't really notice any difference between the funeral of a believer and the funeral of a non-believer. Is that right? Is that how it's supposed to be?

A: The thing about funerals is that they're for the living --- and not for the dead. Whatever ceremony or observance you have it is for the benefit of those who survive. It is not for the deceased. So in that regard, I think most people defer to whatever it is that would bring comfort and solace to the surviving family and friends.

Is that right? Is that how it's supposed to be? To be honest, I'm not really sure. I suppose we could look at some Biblical principles and try to use the funeral or other observance as a "call to action," where we would exhort the surviving family and loved ones to see the eternal and heavenly perspective on what's just happened.

The saddest funerals I've ever been to have been for non-believers who'd just died. For them, there is no hope of eternal life. And everyone knows it. It is difficult to put a positive spin on such a catastrophic losses that grieves even God Himself. But it seems to me that would be a good time to point that out and call the survivors to live differently.

Whether it's the funeral of a Christian or a non-believer, I think I would strive for the most God-honoring funeral I can imagine. How can we give God the glory in this service? How can we point people to God in this funeral? What promises of God need to be focused on most at this funeral? What Biblical principles are most relevant during this time of loss? How would Jesus want the surviving family and loved ones to response to this loss? If I'm going to preach a funeral, those are some questions I'm going to want to answer.

In conclusion, I don't think it's so much a matter of whether traditional funerals are right or wrong. Rather it is a matter of whether or not there are better, more God-honoring funerals to be had.

Trying Forgiveness

Q: I know that Christians are supposed to forgive others and all that. But it seems that something else is required than to just say that God will give you the power to do that. Aren't there some mechanics that have to take place in our thinking before forgiveness becomes possible or real?

A: Yes, I suppose there are. It has been said that forgiveness is only possible when we give up the hope that the past can be any different. If you examine the mechanics of forgiveness, you'll see that this is true. I can't, for example, forgive you for something you did --- all the while holding on to the lament that I wish you hadn't done it. I really must stop wishing that if my forgiveness on the matter is to ever become complete.

Often the source of our bitterness and resentment in a matter are really coming from our holding onto some sense of entitlement (i.e., "I didn't deserve that."). Additionally, it can come from our continuing to hold onto a hope that can never be.

For example, if I wanted my daughter to grow up to be a doctor or lawyer, and she instead married, had babies and is a stay-at-home mother, I may continue to wish that she had been a doctor or lawyer. But if I keep holding onto that wish, I will never be able to fully forgive her for not meeting my expectations.